Case of the EX

1 Oct

Should the past stay in the past? Should unfinished business be settled or should you leave it alone? Let’s talk about it, Case of the EX!

We all have something in common, unless you have been locked in the cupboard for more than a hot minute. Everyone reading this should have an ex!

There’s a range of reasons why a guy or girl turns from being a partner, boyfriend or girlfriend to being an ex.

I don’t want to list them all as we would be here all day, but common themes are; someone cheated, it wasn’t going anywhere or there was a Chris and Rhianna moment.

An ex is an ex for many reasons, but sometimes in the heat of most heated moments we are drawn back to those that were once dear to our hearts.

I always have those what if moments and I guess if we all reacted to those moments our paths would be different.
Some people never let go of their exes for one reason or another, an ex plays a major part in some people’s lives whether you stay friends, are in the same social groups or they are your baby mum/dad. There is a connection, however weak, that some how remains strong.

Having a child with someone is an ever lasting bond, that child is not going anywhere so even if she’s acting whack or he’s not paying maintenance you are still the mum/dad.

No matter what person comes before or after the person you have a child with, they won’t replace that feeling (unless it was a one night thing) or feelings you had for that person at that time of your life. For most people who have children together in a loving relationship the pregnancy and birth of a child is special. Many will disagree, but how many people have split with their babymum/dad and are still sleeping with them on the side? How many people wish they didn’t make those mistakes they did and wished things could be different.

Let’s put baby’s aside for one minute. I asked my twitter peeps this week to hit me up with their views on getting back with an ex surprisingly it seems the only thing exes are good for is sex.

“Once your done your done!”

“There’s only one pro to an ex…….. SEX!”

“I agree sex but only if he’s BIG and good”

“Pros: You feel comfortable with them, know what to expect. Cons: could fall for them again, might not move on”

“Pros: If they were good than woooo. Cons they catch them feelings wid every thrust of a hip… #Long”

“Pros: Sex that night knows what she can do no asking. Cons: Her talking about what we had”

“Pros: sex and comfort. Cons: can be boring, predictable, annoying, nosy, overly familiar, and think its okay to fart in front of u cos they used to”

Is it just about sex though? Isn’t it about remembering those feelings you once had, reminiscing on good times, that person who knows you probably better than anyone else? Yeah, its comfortable with an ex, but in many cases things that happened in the past could make you feel uncomfortable.

Hold on, there is a good reason why you split though right? So why would you entertain going back?
So he comes with the puppy dog face, like Drake with bars like  “Baby I miss you” and she comes with “no one does it better than me?” Does someone missing you warrant a come back? So he says he’s sorry, he made a mistake and yeah you still like him. Why wouldn’t you? He’s an attractive guy, the sparks still there, but can a leopard change he’s spots? Chances are, if it ended badly you will have told everyone about it who will listen. So bringing that person back into your circle isn’t going to bode well.

As I said before, an ex is an ex for a reason. You can’t make something new from old rope. People do change and evolve, but the factors that made you split will most likely still be there. If something is not meant to be, it isn’t meant to be. So what would be the point of trying again?

I haven’t got all the answers, these are questions that individuals need to work out for their self, remember I aint getting paid to write this shit! What I will say is, an ex is an ex for a reason, if you go back will you ever be able to go forward?

If it was a fiery relationship that ended badly don’t reignite the flames, as only you will get burnt again. I once came up with a theory and told this to someone close to me who stupidly didn’t listen and ended up with a seriously bad case of the ex. If your shoes are mash-up what do you do? Get new ones! New shoes may take a bit of time to wear in, but they look good, feel fresh and you can have so much fun with them. Old shoes, although they may be comfy, in the end start to fall apart and in some cases have a musty smell!

Final thought would you eat something past its use by date? If the answers no leave it alone.

Mummy Porn

12 Sep

I like to think of myself as more of a leader than a follower in everything I do. I have never been one to follow the crowd; I’m very opinionated and only impulsive when I need to be. I generally do my own thing, not easily led and strive to remain an independent thinker. However, in life, sometimes there are trends and fads everyone follows and we all end up being consumed by them. I’m usually the last one to try things and I don’t mind that those that jump in feet first sometimes drown! When everyone jumped on the BB hype I was the last in the circle of people I know and although I find my BB useful for blogging etc I have been disappointed by this crap toy that I think was made for kids.

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So when all the women I know start reading the 50 shades trilogy, talking about the red room of pain, telling me I’ll love it. I was dubious and I stood back and waited. 90% of the women I know are reading this book, people have read the trilogy in a matter of days and I honestly wonder how this is possible?
I like to read, I love a good story and having a flare for writing I try and read as much as possible to get ideas on what to write next. The problem is, I don’t have time, my commute is by car and apart from my breaks at work and in between trying to be super mum it’s difficult.
The roar about Mr Grey continues, what is it about him that is making the female population melt and quiver? I was reading Great Expectations which may I add is an excellent book and when I finally finished decided to succumb to peer pressure. On my hotel balcony, I pick up a friends copy of Fifty Shades andstart to read.

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So everyone has said “it’s a slow starter” and for a book that is based on erotic sex it’s very slow!
For those who haven’t read here’s a brief synopsis:
It’s the usual, guy meets girl situation. Anastasia Steel meets a rich and sexy business man, Christian Grey and although for her the attraction is not instant, she quickly falls for his good looks and charm. What’s erotic about that you’re wandering? Well, Mr Grey is a kinky fucker (literally), he’s into cuffs, spanking, whips, chains and has a room dedicated to his kinky lifestyle, dubbed the “Red Room of Pain”. He’s slightly fucked up from what seems to be a bad early childhood and has some deep commitment issues. He wants Anastasia and she wants him, but not in the normal sense. (He calls normal sex vanilla)
Anyhow, he wants her to sign a contract for her to be his submissive, so he can have full control. She can’t tell anyone, what will she do? I won’t spoil it, if you really want to know, read it!

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As I was saying the books was very slow, they don’t have sex until chapter 8 and to make matters worse she’s a 22 year old virgin!!! Yep, I said it the “v” word. At 22 he, as they say, pops her cherry and to rap it all off she gives him killer head and gets an A*!
Now ladies, let’s be real, at some point we all go down, but on the first night for her first time, she goes down!!! Let’s be real here, as I’m using far too many exclamation marks, you have never had sex or oral sex may I add, but you go down hard on a well endowed package and swallow without any form of gagging or refusal? Sorry has she been working out on a banana? Not to be crude but there are some things that you just can’t put in your mouth and having a gag reflex I find it hard to open wide. Contrary to popular belief my mouth is actually not that big.
Mr Grey is that guy, the guy with it all. But with his psycho split personality, which is not only at times sexy yet intriguing, it makes me realise, he would be too much trouble for me. (But then, I do like a challenge)

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So, you meet a guy, you get to know him and then you realise he’s a freak in the bedroom department and finds inflicting pain, mirrored by pleasure, a deep turn on. What would you do? Most would run a mile but once you have started something, is it that easy to finish?
In relationships, people tend to bring out the best in their opposition. Opposites attract and someone with a loud brash personality could bring the quietest mouse out of their hole.

I love a good love story, may it be book or film but Fifty Shades of Grey is poorly written and grammatically flawed. It’s an easy book to read, as most words are repetitive and there is a lack of substance. With all this taken into account there is a good story line and I think E L James has managed to pull it out the bag, as we all know sex sells.

Women all over the world probably have renewed faith and better sex lives by reading the trilogy and perhaps are able to share those awkward moments that they couldn’t before. The book has been dubbed as female porn, I think a very mild form, but ladies if you wouldn’t let your man watch porn, don’t be trying to pick up this book and hope to get wet. (It’s not on)
As I’ve now finished the book, I’m left wandering what will happen next. So now I’m onto the second, “50 Shades Darker”. I never start something I can’t finish, so ill let you know how I get on. To play you out Soul II Soul Back to life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ISXnagiafg

The List

29 Aug

We all have someone we have a major crush on someone be it celebrity or real life, but is it healthy to have crushes when you’re in a relationship or marriage?

Let’s talk about my list!

It’s an ongoing joke with me and Mr B, every time I come across a new hottie he goes on the list. Every time I mentioned the list, Mr B grunts and rolls his eyes. So me being me I told him to go and get his own list and so far I know of two women he has on it. (One he has strong competition)

Anyway, if you are still confused “The List” (which gets longer by the day and isn’t a real document that I scribble on every night) is a list of guys I’d like to have sex with. OMG! I here you all screech, as many of my friends have said when I’ve told them about the list “Your husbands ok with this?” Well we are still here, together and the list has only been going for about a year or so, so I guess there is no issues with it!

Now, I said a list of guys I’d like to have sex with these are all famous guys so it’s probably not going to happen but I’ve been honest with Mr B and said if I go out and Mr X is in the club don’t expect me home!  To be honest having one man is trouble but having two making claims on me would be too much so all I’m asking for is one night. In reality with kids, work and a husband where am I finding the time to have sex with Mr X and let’s say Drake? It’s not going to happen, how am I going to do the commute unless his moving to London and can fit in between the school run and lunch time then it’s clearly not going to work.

I asked a few people on twitter what they thought by posing the question “Is it healthy to banter about people you fancy when you’re in a relationship”:

” Yes, the key for me is laughter and trust. BUT I do think it depends on if it’s an unobtainable celeb or “Natalie from work”

“I don’t see anything wrong in it, both parties should be secure enough to share absolutely anything”

“I personally wouldn’t leave my man for a celeb… but I kinda like the idea of a free pass….”

“It depends how secure the relationship is, depends how much trust there is.. If so, then yeah its fine cos it’s bein real!!”

I managed to be able to get 2 of my celeb/men of power crushes to follow me on twitter by being cheeky it does actually get you far sometimes I won’t tell you who they are but here are ten of my celeb crushes in no particular order so guys please don’t get upset if you’re not at the top:

  • Chucky Venn
  • Drake (As if it wasn’t obvious)
  • Idris Elba
  • Kanye West
  • Obama
  • Scott Malsen
  • David Beckham
  • Wentworth Miller
  • Will Smith
  • Russell Brand (Not so much based on looks more that his a bit of an animal)

Now your done drooling we can start wrapping up!!!

So there’s ten off my list and I could probably give you another fifteen at least, all I think are good-looking and all I imagine have got some bedroom moves that would interest most women. (I don’t care if it’s not in the bedroom I’m honestly not that fussy!) Unfortunately, I’ve only had a dream about one of them and before anything happened I was rudely awoken by Mr B for some kind of wife or mother duty.

So why do I have these fantasies? Why am I thinking about having sex with other men when I have one at home? Well I guess we all have desires, needs, dreams and stuff we can never have and seening as I have everything in life I want or need, something I can’t have, maybe a pleasant distraction. I don’t sit and perv over these guys 24/7 I haven’t got time, but if they are on the telly or I hear their voice on the radio I’m thinking mmmmmm I need me some of that.  Granted all the men on my list are not my unusual type but we are talking one night here, so who cares! The dirty thoughts and fantasies I have about these guys are no different to the one’s guys have and no different to the sensations women have been getting while reading 50 shades of grey. Anyway now you know about the list why not go and make your own while listening to some Drake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zzP29emgpg

Waste Mums

13 Aug

Everyone always think that mum’s are the best, we know best and are the best providers of care for our children! Well I have news for you all there are a new breed of mums out there that don’t give a shit!

Let’s hold off on babyfathers for a while and concentrate for this blog on the group of mum’s I call “Waste Mum’s”

I’m not sticking up for whack Dad’s at all and rate single working mum’s who are really grinding to bring up their kid’s but it has to be known some of the so called fairer species are not as fair as they seem.

How to spot a waste mum?

Waste mum are sometimes not that easy to spot and if you don’t know they have kids you may just think they are normal girls out living life but dont be fooled.

  • Women that complain about their childs father when they are no better
  • Women who dress to impress while thier children are looking like orphans Annie or Oliver (Hairs done nails done everything did but your childs nappies hanging like it’s been on all day)
  • Women who have no interest in their childs education
  • Women who constantly swear and be little their kids (Cunts a favourite word they use for them)
  • Women who bring a number of random men around their child expecting the child to call him Dad
  • Women who palm their kids off on anyone that will have them

So why do women like this have kids? The common answer one we all know well is to trap “That guy” delibrately get pregnant so he is forever yours, us sensible people know this doesn’t work! Because if his got you pregnant he may have a few others pregnant as well. These women are then left with kids they never really wanted and take all their anger and frustrations out on them!

The children of these women are like little lost souls and though lack of love will grow to believe this behaviour is normal and most will continue the cycle.

Freuds attachement theory is based on how a mothers love and care is important within the first year of their life. If attachments aren’t made within this time any future relationship is said to be doomed.

I’ve never really cared much what anyone thought of me as a person but if someone was to be critical of me as a mum I would honestly flip, being a good mum is something I’ve worked harder for than anything else. Ensuring my children are well balanced, well educated, well mannered and have a greater life than mine is of the upmost importance to me. When I see mum’s who don’t care about their kids it angers me and makes me sad as there are so many women out there that can’t have children ready to give a great home.

Some of you may know the story where a few months ago I had a fight with 2 girls in the park who thought it was ok to take drugs in the toilets while there kids ran a mock in the park! The situation riled me so much I turned into she hulk it’s girls like these that shouldn’t have kids don’t care about them and certainly do not deserve them. If I honestly believed a child was being neglected or mistreated by their parent I would call Social Services or the police and hope they are taken away from the dreadful situations they face everyday. Working in a childrens home I know that sometimes Social Services intervention can be detrimental to a childs future, but living with a negelctful mum could eventually be the end of a childs life.

Most mums I know are great they do everything for their children and more but we have to remember there are a lot of great dad’s out there some whom are equally doing the role of mum and dad and not getting the recognition.

Being a mum is no easy job there is no handbook and most of us walk into motherhood blind, once we have a child we have their entire life to look after them as even when they are adults you don’t switch off caring continues. What I’m trying to say is none of us are perfect we can only try our best and if we genuinely try our children will flourish.

You’ll never catch me on the Jeremy Kyle Show!

4 Jul

I have a guilty pleasure those of you that pay any attention to my tweets or FB updates will know exactly what it is! After the school run, when I come in from a night shift, on my days off in the afternoon and even on those rare mornings when I have nothing to do I love to watch Jeremy Kyle!

Jeremy Kyle is like Marmite you either love him or you hate him and I for one happen to love him (Don’t mock me), whenever your feeling down or think your life isn’t going to plan I advise you to watch his show it makes me feel a lot better. He maybe a bit antagonizing but you got to give it to him as his show is often better than a stand up comedian. On a real note we have to remember the show is based on real life stories for those of you who don’t watch here is a clip for you.

Jeremy is a bit like me a realest bringing you the realest issues with the realest talk back (Ok maybe not exactly like it but you know what I mean). You don’t know who your baby father is? You want a lie dector test as you believe your mans cheating with your best friend? Your boyfriend is addicted to porn? Your girlfriend won’t give you head? I might have gone a bit far with the last one but in general you have a problem and Jeremy will sort it out, or let you come and have a slanging match shame yourself on national TV and then go home with those that you came with to live your life!

There is a certain caliber of guest on the show you need to be one or all of the following:

  • Have no job
  • Have bad teeth
  • Be over weight
  • Have no dress sense
  • Have no common sense

Be thankful I have spared your eyes his teeth are not half as bad as other guests that I have witnessed over the last few weeks. If your watching the show hoping your going to see a hottie I can assure you that after staring at JK himself long enough his actual growing on me. If you like the older silver fox type Graham isn’t a bad bet and for those who like muscle there is always a security man on stage ready to wade in with his big old arms.

Imagine your problems being that bad all of Facebook already know and then you want to come and tell Jeremy and the nation about them, the people on the show are what I call “Whatless” people who are fully stupid and past the point of return. I don’t know who my baby father is it could be one of three men, I can’t afford a paternity test as I’m a benefit scrounging **** so what do I do let Jeremy deal with it. But yet I’m addicted I must get some weird pleasure out of shouting at the TV at the losers who come to tell all!

We hear in the news all the time about “Broken Britain” and this show sums up how broken Britain really is everyone has problems apparently there are no jobs, we are in a double dip recession and David Cameron is going to cut all your benefits. There are some people who live their lives like this you may even have friends or family like this, this might even be you and if this is you SORT IT OUT!

My issue is that it’s a cycle that is viscous, you and your family act waste and bring kids into the world who through no fault of their own will follow the cycle until one of them is smart enough to get out. Sad but true, if you know nothing else you will believe it is right and continue to follow in what you think are good footsteps.

My advice is there is plenty of help out there so here’s some things to keep you off the JK show:

Let Wretch 32 play you out you’ll never catch him on the Jeremy Kyle show

Drink Drink Drunk

25 Jun

Years ago Mr B put me on a two drink rule those of you who know me of old will remember this, after two drinks I was wasted and would become an abusive and slightly aggressive drunk! Luckily I grew up and learnt to carry the alcohol in my system without letting it carry me. Or at least I thought I did!!! After the other weeks antics a bottle of vodka later I know I’m still an aggressive abusive drunk maybe I need to go back to the two drink rule!

I fully admit to loving a good drink and now Mr B doesn’t mind me coming home drunk at all as long as I can still carry out my wife duties it’s cool. When I do drink I go in but always manage to contain myself when I’m out and probably get in more problems when I’m sober than when I’m drunk. I’m hopefully long past the days where I’m yakking in the toilet or in a friends shoe (Yes this happened once), no I can never walk in a straight line but who does anyway. The end of a really drunk night comes I go out looking stunning and usually look a mess by the time it’s done , my feet ache the shoes come off and it’s a takeaway on the way home. I’m usually not fussed wings and chips, mcd’s, kebab or bagel king will all do nicely. The pictures are put up on Facebook, I’m tagged I cringe, laugh and plan the next night out having long memories of fun times.

It is funny when I go out and don’t drink which I have done more often lately, being the responsible driver who takes everyone home I have the legal limit and I’m fine to party as hard as everyone else. The only thing about not being drunk is you don’t miss a trick and noticing everything in a room where people are just about functioning is sometimes not great. My facial expressions are not easily hidden I go into screwface mode, I get pissed when some drunk twat spills his drink on me and get irritated by every guy that asks me how I am.

We all say we drink socially so when the dentist asked me how much I drink I quickly said “Not a lot” he persists well how many glasses of wine a day? In my head I’m thinking jheeze it’s more like how many tumblers of vodka any way I just tell him maximum a bottle a week and move on. The ultimate truth is I could probably drink everyday but I don’t, I don’t have time I finish work and I only want to sleep. When I’m running around with the kids on my days off it would be highly inappropriate as the “Responsible Adult” to sip sip the day away! (Or gulp gulp depending on how desperate you are) I guess I’m what the government would call a “Binge Drinker” as when I go in I go in, they say go hard or go home and when your drunk in your own home with nowhere to go your forced to continue drinking! I don’t get drunk much as I’d actually like to but the definition of a binge drinker is as follows which seems to fit me:

” Binge drinking or heavy episodic drinking is the modern epithet for drinking alcoholic beverages with the primary intention of becoming intoxicated by heavy consumption of alcohol over a short period of time. It is a kind of purposeful drinking style that is popular in several countries worldwide, and overlaps somewhat with social drinking since it is often done in groups. The degree of intoxication, however, varies between and within various cultures that engage in this practice. A binge on alcohol can occur over hours or last up to several days. Due to the long-term effects of alcohol misuse, binge drinking is considered to be a major public health issue.” (Wikipedia)

So apparently my culture is what makes me binge drinker being part Italian and drinking wine always with dinner  growing up probably didn’t help as well as being part Jamaican which I know needs know explanation!

Drinking to become intoxicated is what binge drinking is, I don’t know many who drink cause they like the feel of a hangover, we all drink knowing if we have too much we are going to be wasted they say drink responsibly but if that was the case we would all have one glass and hit the road!

Drinking is everywhere if you think about it every Soap I watch (Apart from Home & Away and yes I still watch it)  has a pub in it Eastenders and The Queen Vic, Emmerdale and the wool pack, Hollyoaks and The Dog and Corrie and the rovers. Anyway I could be here all day justifying my drinking but the point is there are some people out there getting themselves into a right old state waking up next to a person they never knew they went home with! One night I saw a girl take a dirty drop off the bench she tried to dance on all in the name of drinking and having a good time. Being an alcoholic is said to be an illness one so bad you could lose everything I guess what I’m saying is try to drink responsibly designated drivers, responsible friend who will look after you and if you can’t do any of that I’ll pray you get home safe this weekend!

To end a funny drunk story not one of mine

“I went to Italy in April and went out with few of my friends also other friends from London including a guy that I really liked.  I got sooo wasted in the club and I was in the toilet the whole night vomiting, sooo many of my friends came into the toilet to check on me, having no idea who they were I could not remember who they were! All of the sudden I opened my mouth and started to confess my feelings about the guy that I like and how we have been sleeping with each other for the past 3 months, little did I know I was giving my confession to the guys girlfriend!!!”

OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHH

How many is too many?

6 Jun

It’s been a while I know but let’s roll “How many is too many?”

Let’s start with a simple maths equation, it maybe harder for some but let’s see how we all do! The question is how many people male or female have you slept with?

While some of you are still counting the rest of you can start reading and hopefully we will all get to the same place in the end!

Lately how many has been a common topic one day me and my friends did a count up and yes it’s obvious I peaked early but the question of how many is acceptable is a big thing. You don’t really know what’s acceptable until you start talking to other people if it’s not that many maybe you need to round them off to the nearest tent and if it’s too many you might knock some not that great one’s off.

Yet again the battle of the sexes prevails! The problem starts with the one rule for guys and another for girls rule, Mr A has slept with 40 girls and so has Miss B, Mr A may where a badge of honour amongst his friends where as Miss B maybe known as a hoe amongst other guys and her counterparts.

My opinions is you need to always try before you buy, the no sex before marriage rule don’t wash with me, most things we try before buying so why not. Look at the scene from sex in the city she got married and then on the wedding night realised he was shit in the sack. I know these things take time and sometimes practice but some people just are not going to get it! Imagine you have been together two years quick engagement then wedding with no sex that could be three years. You finally get to your wedding night and if he aint already cum in his pants from the excitement it doesn’t last long leaving you both bitterly disappointed! (Her more than him)

I’m not saying go sexing up every potential future husband or wife I’m just saying you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive so you at least need to give some a fair ride!

I guess in terms of time we have come a long way back in our grandparents day you courted one man, married him and had kids in the end so sleeping with only one person was normal. But this generally happened very quikcly and in those days they were having kids like rabbits so we clearly no sex was happening! In those days people didn’t talk about sex as open as they do now although some people are still scared of the subject most of us can openly talk about sex without blushing. Perhaps because of this both sexes think that being casual is norm and racking up the numbers is not a problem!

A guy who has slept with too many women is unattractive for me, these women are going to be popping up all over the place and may even be your friends (Stick to the rules people don’t sleep with anyone and then their friend it’s not on!)

A guy or girl who has slept with bare people is like a walking STD if you haven’t had one yet your going to get one, half the time your having sex you are not being safe and all that pulling out before coming shit!!!!! Please you can still get something for those of you not up on sexual health and education! (I wonder how many people rushed out to the clinic without reading to the end) As for my firm favourite “She said she was on the pill” unless you physically see her take it strap up!

Guys are less emotional than us girls so for them one night stands or sleeping with high number maybe more common and acceptable, although they are supposedly behind us two years mentally in terms of the sex stakes most guys are way ahead.  Taken all this into account I still don’t want my man having slept with all the local toms, us girls want a guy with enough experience too put us away but not too much so that when your on road everyone is chatting your business and worse still that his conquests are not bridesmaids at your wedding.

Some ladies I asked said they would rather not know how many girls their man has slept with I guess some people are not that bothered I am so nosey lately I’ve been asking any guys I’ve had a conversation with. For guys this is a big thing they don’t want a girl who has been around the block, the saying is you can’t make a hoe a housewife so the guys that I asked did not want high numbers at all. I worked out an average between the guys I spoke to A girl looses her V plates at 16 and at present is 25 if we say this girl has had a few relationships in this nine year period she could probably average at 5-7 guys. Now let’s think of a girl the same age a bit more care free when it comes to sex, not big on relationships she could average 2 maybe 3 per year which is peaking over 20. When you start getting in the 20′s guys freak out.

How many people you have slept with depends on your circumstances and your personality insecurities, peer pressure, drunken antics are among the long lists for why peoples numbers rack up. Sex is supposed to be fun and whether it is with two people who care about each other or not as long as you happy and can justify your actions, if it’s not a problem for you why should it be for anyone else. Being able to hold your head up high and not feel like you have made a mistake with every person you slept with is important, I wonder how many people remember how many people they have slept with. I wonder how many people lie? How many people is too mnay for you?

Fantastic Mr Fox

26 Jan

I’m having conversations about foxes on a weekly basis so thought it was about time I got the London Fox issue out in a blog.

The fox, the ginger, bushy-tailed four-legged creature who mainly frequents the roads of london at night. The female fox is known as a vixen, they raid our rubbish and are generally scraggy. The fox is a Canidae part of the carnivorous and omnivorous mammal family, it’s closest relations are wolves, jackals, coyotes. Most common in the UK, London to be precise for the purpose of my blog. We have laughed and cried at the suspected cute creatures in Narnia, The fox and the hound, Robin Hood and Fantastic Mr Fox.

Those pics were kind of cute right??? Dont be fooled! So my friend said the other day since they banned fox-hunting there are too many foxes in London. So as usual I have to investigate everything I Wikipedia fox-hunting and find out it’s been banned in Britain due to cruelty to foxes since 2005. However it seem it’s only banned if they use hunting hounds like the one in the picture above! Thanks to animal lovers and the dumb asses that leave food out for the foxes, we have a serious issue here in London that is worse than the issue we have with their nasty friend the rodent!

We all know foxes have got brave, when I was a child the only time I would see them if at all was late at night way past midnight on the odd occasion when we would come back late from somewhere there was sure to be a fox lurking near.

Around 10 years ago they got braver and started coming out earlier, now days they don’t have timescales in fact I’m starting to wonder if they have a fox freedom pass. I have seen foxes out casually when I have been doing the school run, walking along the road like they own it showing off their fox swagger.

We all heard about the story in the news where two small children were attacked by a fox after parents left a door open in their east london home.

If not read this How common are fox attacks on humans?

People claimed it was the parents faults and foxes wouldn’t do this? But really a fox is an animal it’s dog eat dog in the wild. Experts claimed it was unusual for a fox to do this, but they are related to a family of hunters so is this not in their nature.

This is not the only time a fox came into someones house uninvited, someone I know had one come in via their cat flap! Yes their cat flap, this cheeky fox then goes into full violation mode wanting to explore he goes up the stairs into the persons bedroom onto their bed and starts licking their face. (Like they are food) Freaked out the person wakes up and manages to shoo the creature out of their house ensuring that the cat flap is later removed!!!

Imagine though waking up and having a fox in your face, I would have a heart attack!!! How many of you regularly dodge foxes when driving ? The other night on my way home I broke harshly twice to swerve Mr Fox and I know your thinking if you hate them soooo much why didn’t you hit them? But as my sister said the other day fox tyres aint sexy!! If I hit any animal with my car I would feel sick, I even swerve road kill it’s that bad.

Last year I had a scary encounter with what I can only call a pack of foxes. Me, my sister and a friend are driving back from a night out we come onto my road when I notice a fox ravaging through a rubbish bin. I approach slow thinking the fox would scarper but no he stares me out like I’m his next meal. The fox eventually skulks off and my sister goes to leave my car, before she opens the door she notices fox number two. Now fox number two is bold not scraggy as his counter part he is not going anywhere. Fox number one then makes a re appearance and is closely followed by yet another friend fox number three who is creeping around the entrance of my house! Here we are three grown ladies, trapped in a car surrounded by foxes that look like they want beef. (Or human flesh) As funny as it sounds we were not moving from the car until they were gone so I phone for backup! My husband is cracking up when he receives the call, my man is watching from the window and can see all three foxes baracading us in. Eventually my sister and our friend managed to escape into their vehicle and I manage to make it into my house.

The motto of this story is don’t mess with Mr Fox he has backup and means business.

To play you out Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix

Road Man For Life

19 Jan

For those of you that are not aware of the term “Road Man” I’ll give you a quick definition

A road man is someone who sells drugs either to get by or get rich, they may have the live by the gun die by the gun motto. They come in many colours, shapes and forms usually with a string of baby mama’s or drama that surround them. If they haven’t been in prison it means they have not yet been stupid enough to get caught. Depending on the level of this road man (We will talk about the levels a bit later) they may still live at home with their mum and most are still living in the area they grew up. A road man is usually a night-time kind of guy, someone who is rarely seen in daylight and always chilling with the man them. The Road man may also be known as a bum, someone who doesn’t want to get a “REAL”  job, waste man or gangster!!!! (Known as a bum as most people haven’t worked out what they really do)

A bit like the highway man of the early 1600′s a guy who will do whatever he can to be that guy.

At some point in your life ladies, you may have dated one of these men, and guys you may have been one but how do you become a road man??? Well after a little discussion with a friend this week we decided that there are varying levels of the road man which go:

Level 1 Novice /Beginner/Runner

A guy who’s just started out getting to know the ropes, does all the running around for the top man. Probably young but not always guy’s who want to make quick money and have dreams that are hard to make reality.

Level 2

His making more money, his not the top dog but his getting there. His a hustler and for what ever reason his hustling hard

Level 3

His been from bottom to top and now his top dog. Cars, money, women he may have it all. His running things now but how long is it before he runs into trouble?

So why do guys choose to live this life? To most ladies it’s not an attractive life style but to be real, every girl secretly loves a bad boy and we have all been with one at some point in our life. (You got to do the bad boys before you meet the good ones) If a guys got the swag, the car, the money his lifestyle choice might be attractive. Even though he might be telling a few other girls what he is telling you there is something about him that is making him “That Guy”!

Listen to this next track by Ace Hood – Hustle Hard (Remix) ft. Rick Ross, Lil Wayne

So the song Hustle Hard is saying that guys live a hustler life because there are mouths to feed and family to look after which I guess is true. I’m not condoning the road man lifestyle but for those young guys on road in today’s Britain it is shit hard. Even if you get a standard education that does not guarantee you a great job. How many people do you know that studied so hard but are working in dead-end jobs. Current rates of unemployment are at an all time high if you’re a young guy who perhaps doesn’t have a dad around and has a mum and younger and siblings to support this is a quick way to make money. Meet Jermaine his motto is sell some bags make some money feed the family, mum’s had it hard she may not know what you’re doing but is truly grateful moneys coming in so doesn’t question where the new clothes and trainers are coming from. Jermaine has had it tough his Dad walked out on his mum and his five siblings and him being the eldest means he has to step up. His finished school with no exams, mum’s always sick so he has had to look after her. Jermaine thinks it’s real easy, this is a steeping stone something he will do until the right job comes along. What he doesn’t realise is once you’ve started making big money it gets addictive and is hard to stop.

He starts off selling green and before you know it his selling pills, coke and heroin. The addicts he loaves, is what’s keeping him and his family afloat, the life style he has chosen has taken over his life the more money he makes the less easier it is to leave.  Five to Ten Years on everyone know’s him, he has status , the youngers are looking up to him as some kind of God Father or Mentor. They want to be just like him. He can probably have any girl he likes but there is one or two that he takes care of the wifeys the ones who are raising his kids.

But it’s not all plain sailing in the early stages he smoked a lot he could have got addicted to a number of different substances, owing the guy at the top money. He could turn into the addict leaving him with no money and a habit to feed.

Being at the top also has its price. Our guy Jermaine is always in some kind of beef with rival gangs or even those on his team that decide to betray him. He always has to watch his back and is constantly dodging bullets. One day when he is caught off guard a bullet hits him, almost killing him. This forces to carry his own weapons and armour to protect himself and those moving with him.

Jermaine is not only dodging his enemies his endlessly running from police, they know all his movements where he lives, his girlfriends, his team, his car and even where his mum lives. One wrong move could land him in Jail with no get out of jail free card. Our guy has already been in jail a few times and if he gets caught again he will get BIG BIRD (Big Bird is a serious jail sentence)

The risk’s of the road man life out way for me all the money and status I wouldn’t want to be watching my back all the time as much as the money would be great you can’t spend it if your dead. The con’s of the road man life style definitely out way the pro’s. For everyday people like you and I the road man life is a sad one as we are paying into a system that they constantly choose to use and abuse. If my daughter bought this kind of guy home he would not get over the threshold, I guess dirty money just isn’t as appealing for me as it is for others. Some of you may think that Jermaine took the easy way out but did he really?

I’ll leave you with that question and a final song  The Street Code by Ksounds

Public Transport V Car!!!! (Toot Toot Beep Beep)

13 Jan

I heard the other day it’s £2.30 if you haven’t got an oyster card to get on the bus, I’m more disgusted than surprised. I know under sixteens go free and pensioners too but don’t penalize us poor folk in the middle. (I remember when adult fare was 60p) I’m one of those people who rarely gets on a bus, the big red things I call them. They breed germs and are full of rude and smelly people (and that’s only the drivers, no I’m joking). I seem to know where every bus in South East London goes, coming from Waterloo the land where all buses cross I must have been on every number at one time or another.

But I always have some drama on the bus, when I was pregnant I couldn’t get a seat, when I had my daughter it was the old ladies huffing about me getting on with my pram. The amount of arguments I have had with idiots who hold up the bus for one reason or another, when someone holds up the bus this really gets to me because when your on the bus you got someone to go. The way some bus drivers drive is ridiculous, just yesterday I get a message from my husband saying the C10 nearly crashed into him, when hubby gets out the car ready to blow the driver says “Sorry boss I didn’t see you”! Then there’s the drivers that don’t wait around for you get on and get hurled up the stairs because they can’t wait. There’s the other ones who don’t tell you they are not going further than Elephant and Castle because they are running late, your problem not ours!!!

Really though I would rather walk than get on a bus, but to be fair the tubes and trains are actually just as bad. Trains are always delayed, if it’s not leaves on the track then it’s someones jumping in front of one. Why do we never feel sorry for the poor person who jumps in front of the train??? I prefer trains to buses as they are slightly cleaner, they have more space but coming out of a main line station at rush hour is a nightmare it’s every woman and man for himself!

As for the tubes you have to literally fight to get a seat, I go into auto pilot when I see the tube approaching. I ensure I’m at the doors and I don’t care if I was there first. Next, head down, spot the sit I want and make a dash for it ensuring I’m in it arse first. Then I’m cool, I can sit comfortable, read a paper or book and dare I say enjoy the journey. Tubes are quick. I don’t like being that far underground and since the London bombings I feel that all transport travellers are on their guard!

When I got on the tube monday afternoon to go to work I thought what I always think what a miserable lot the passengers seem. No matter what time of day they always seem like they have the worlds problems on their back. Sometimes I get onto a packed tube, forced in some form of unnecessary embrace with fellow passengers. First thing in the morning, the last thing you need is the skanky smell of some guys aftershave, or being pushed all around the place until there is no space to think and breathe. The tubes are always packed, there doesn’t seem to be a rush hour, I guess this is one of the reasons why everyone has the hump. The only good thing about the tubes is you can get from one part of London to the other quickly. My local tube station runs on the new East London line, when running on time these tubes are not that bad.

I hate the stress that comes with driving but it’s something I have to do, I remember how happy I was when I passed my test after failing a few times, I thought I’d never get the hang of it but I passed and I’m not exactly loving it.

Everyone knows driving in London takes a certain skill you need to be:

  • aggressive
  • In control
  • Have a vocabulary of swear words that you can present at a whim
  • Have excellent reflexes (In case you need to break or turn left quickly)

We all know how much stick is given to woman drivers, but I actually think men are worse than us, some of the main culprits who drive like they own the road are white van man and the taxi driver.

Traffic in London is a nightmare what with all the road works, if I finish work at 2am it takes me 30 mins to get from where I work to home, if I finish at 7.30am I rarely get in before 9am.  I’m one for road rage too, if any male driver thinks they can intimidate me they are wrong. When I’m driving I turn ghetto, most people who have been in my car will know I don’t ramp! I’ve often stopped my car and had to tell people about themselves, London driving is just stressful.

Petrol prices are soaring like we all need to start buying shares in Shell, the congestion charge is a joke. Did they actually think they could stop people driving through London by asking them to pay??? It’s probably cheaper to pay congestion and drive than it is to get on the tube or train.

As much as it’s a pain I love the freedom of driving, at any time I can jump in the car and go anywhere where I need to go. Being in the metal enclosure that is a car means I don’t have to deal with funny smells or not getting a seat, my seat is my seat!!! Minus the road rage and traffic I can play my music loud and enjoy my journey, in my own company within my own thoughts. I wouldn’t be able to get to do half the things I do without a car, one of my jobs required me to be able to drive and own a car. I’d prefer to have a chauffeur but I guess it isn’t going to happen, so for now, mum’s taxi it is.


							
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