Let me sleep

22 Jun

I think for years when people have asked me how I am I’ve said I’m fine just tired. I’ve felt tired for years and not because I’m Ill its because I take on the world and am a martyr at doing it all without asking for help. Since I have had the elf I’ve got better, I have had no choice as not asking for help would probably mean finding me in the mountain of ironing in a hoovering mess trying to wash up last night’s dishes whilst changing a nappy! (All things I really need to master) I have learnt from elf that nothing will ever get done but most importantly I have learnt that sleep time is more precious than ever. I won’t lie when my friends said there babies slept through the night I was happy for them, but now none of us sleep I’m glad I’m not alone.

Elf is asleep now but anytime between now and six she will probably wake anything from one to five times. She’s fifteen months she should be going through the night but not this one. When they said it was because I breast fed for too long I ignored it! Shes not getting enough, the breast milk doesnt fill her up… but three months later and only change to date is she slept twice through the night. Third time lucky we knew she wasn’t going to sleep all day like her brother or sit quietly like her sister being lucky with what you have we ignored deciding to complete our family with an angelic looking non sleeper!!
I worried the other day whilst reading an online article that children who don’t sleep have serious mental health problems later in life. I then thought half of the people I know on Facebook have a child that doesn’t sleep. I then thought what about the mothers of these children getting even less sleep surely our mental health is a concern. My child doesn’t sleep she whines throughout the day for two days solid on third day she sleeps. I on the other hand can’t sleep as I am playing catch up with washing, ironing and cleaning that I couldn’t do because she wouldn’t let me move! I’ve tried that purple Johnson’s bubble bath the warm milk and a routine and guess what super nanny it doesn’t work as some babies just don’t sleep good. I have it easier than most waking nights can mean anything from moaning to a full on wide awake hissy fit. It mostly results in her being gently rocked back to sleep however this can happen a number of times and by six there is no point in trying any longer.
She doesn’t sleep much in the day either today we have been swimming which used to tire her out she has had 15minutes sleep all day! The motion of the car gently rocks her off and when she is carefully and I mean carefully like the queens crown, lifted out she wakes most abruptly leaving my daily tasks unacomplished.

I have gym run soon and have just given her the evening bottle one of her three a day. We are quietening down and our routine stays the same. Instead of sitting still drinking and drifting off she is running around and trying to climb into her electronic mini Cooper (battery is currently dead and she’s trying to work out how to get it started! ) The bottle has given her a new lease of life like some kind of party drug, I’ll await the come down and prey she goes down for the night.

Working night shifts she was always lively at night moving around having a one baby rave in my stomach!

I hope as she grows she will get better this week she has managed to let me lie in past seven twice even though she still has woken through the night. Maybe she just doesn’t need that much sleep, maybe she’s just so beautiful that beauty sleep doesn’t applyđź’–

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

30 May

 

So his 10 and I managed not to cry with his gorgeous curly locks shadowing over me the little shit woke up at 5.45 and I told him politely to go back to bed for an hour.
At the end of the evening at dinner he said mum birthdays are the best when spent with family and my heart melted not just for all the party’s I paid 100s of pounds for but also for the sweetness in the boys little heart.

I often wonder what he will be his the smartest kid I know asking me maths equations at 7am whilst brushing our teeth and telling me scientific facts before bed.

My worst fear is failing him I want him to live his dreams and be the best he can be. I want him to fulfill his passions and to live really live like the living we have been letting him do since he was born. I want him to be carefree and even make a few mistakes. But we live in a world where we expect our boys to be men I just want my boy to be my baby. To grow a boy into a man is tough it takes a great strength to lead a boy down the path to manhood. We have no ritual in our British society apart from at 18 you can have a pint….. I want him to be the type of man that is strong enough to cut the cord when his baby is born and to cry the same tears his father before him did joining in that emotional journey and making he a man. I want him to be man enough to use protection in his youth and be the one to bring it. I want him to
Be the type of guy that is ok if a woman wants to go halves on a meal and have the money to pay if she hasn’t. I want him to be the gentleman that opens doors for ladies and lets the elderly on the bus first. I want him to be sensible another not to be the boy racer and not be embarrassed to dance in the middle of a crowd.

I want my man/boy to grow in confidence and shine. I want him to know that as long as he is good I’ll always love him and no matter what he will always be my son.

10 is the age of responsibility and my son is still a small boy he wants to kick ball, play computer and run free in the wild. I want him to be a child forever but the world wants him to grow up……..
At the end of the evening at dinner he said mum birthdays are the best when spent with family and my heart melted not just for all the party’s I paid 100s of pounds for but also for the sweetness in the boys little heart.

I often wander what he will be his the smartest kid I know asking me maths equations at 7am whilst brichsing our teeth and telling me scientific facts before bed.

My worst fear is failing him I want him to live his dreams and be the best he can be. I want him to fulfill his passions and to live really live like the living we have been letting him do since he was born. I want him to be carefree and even make a few mistakes. But we live in a world where we expect our boys to be men I just want my boy to be my baby. To grow a boy into a man is tough it takes a great strength to lead a boy down the path to manhood. We have no ritual in our British society apart from at 18 you can have a pint….. I want him to be the type of man that is strong enough to cut the cord when his baby is born and to cry the same tears his father before him did joining in that emotional journey and making he a man. I want him to be man enough to use protection in his youth and be the one to bring it. I want him to
Be the type of guy that is ok if a woman wants to go halves on a meal and have the money to pay if she hasn’t. I want him to be the gentleman that opens doors for ladies and lets the elderly on the bus first. I want him to be sensible another not to be the boy racer and not be embarrassed to dance in the middle of a crowd.

I want my man/boy to grow in confidence and shine. I want him to know that as long as he is good I’ll always love him and no matter what he will always be my son.

10 is the age of responsibility and my son is still a small boy he wants to kick ball, play computer and run free in the wild. I want him to be a child forever but the world wants him to grow up……..

I wrote last year treat your boys like kings and put no man before him. I don’t want my son to one day think it’s ok to pick up a weapon (yes I’m getting dark) I want to give him the tools in life to stop him from doing that be self awareness, resilience or common sense. Learning doesn’t stop at school protect nurture and grow our boys need help…..

 

Elf turns 2

13 Aug

imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageThe Elf Princess has been guarding her Kingdom for two years!!!!!

Ive decided to do this every year write down the memories of the past year so maybe one day Kodi can read and realise what a terror she was (apparently she is misunderstood)

So the journey to two or 36 months if you a crazy month counting mum has been one of adventure. You had already mastered crawling, scaling the stairs  walking and practically running so whats Left? At 12 months those wretched teeth that have been coming since the begging of time finally made an appearance.

You had your first trip to A&E with blues and twos after having a fit and me and dad thinking you were not going to make it (calpol is now out best friend) The scariest time we have ever had as parents and you being you bounced back to part of your normal self.

I think the next few months you become slightly withdrawn and clingy who knows what was going on in your little head when you had the fit but somehow I think it did a bit of damage to your confidence. Which after a few months came back in leaps and bounds and your back to your fearless self.

If you need help you call your Big Brother, if you need anything you call him he is your ultimate protector and your right hand man. You adore him and look for him when he is not here. (Good luck with trying to get a boyfriend or go anywhere without him stalking you)

You have a beautiful Bond with your sister #demgirls although theres a twelve year gap you both spend time being silly taking selfies and belly laughing. Of late you have used her as a teething ring so if you could give the biting of her hand a break I’m sure she would be greatful.

You have your dads silly ways (Lord help me thats two out of three) Making a joke of everything and clowning about. Wanting everyone to copy you and having a tantum when it doesnt go your way (You get that last bit from me)

You have learly lots of new words your fave mini sentence is “go away”. The monster you are you know a number of words that are related to getting in to trouble. (No not swear words)

You are the most defiant person I know, when you want something you have to have it no matter the obstacle. You were like this from day if you wanted something you would wiggle to it no matter how long it took! Mostly you want stuff you shouldnt have and its an on going battle, currently No is the word you are most familiar with. Stubborn is what I will call you from now on.

You have a love of ripping books and no matter how much we try to stop you you continue. Chewing on a book is something else you are fond of I do hope that any knowledge is being digested!

You are a true summer baby and llove being out side, when there you smile at the sun and spend hours in the garden mostly trying to dig up dads plants. Last week you killed a spider which was a Big acheievment and I for one am glad I have another spider warrior to save me.

You love swimming and paddle about in the pool like you own it. You have lots of baby friends and love play dates with them all.

You have finally realised I need sleep and dad needs it too! You now thank god sleep through the night but are still an early riser. When you realise lie ins are what’s needed in life I will be at the end of your bed mostly jumping!

Potty training has been fun you missed the potty this week and ended up sliding around the front room in your own wee. Admitedly we are being quite relaxed about the whole thing and taking a when you are ready approach. (You always seem to take the lead on things).

You refuse to have hairbands in your hair and thats just the way it is when you allow me to slip one on its a miracle. Wearing pretty dresses doesnt go down well either but you are getting better at this (and i will force you until you are old enough to refuse )

We had your second Holiday and cant wait till Christmas for all the suprises and fun we have planned. We have had so many adventures and so many more to come.

You have reminded us that every child is different and although you are like your Brother and Sister you are in no way the same.

You have reminded us what being a parent means sleepless nights, smelly nappies etc but the best bits more the fun the belly laughs the joy of exploring and making new memories all over again.

You are still a Big bold and beautiful character we hope you continue to have your own mind and be the person that you want to be!

We love you our elf princess let the road to three begin x

 

Arggggghhhhhh

3 Nov

It’s funny how you can go from feeling ok and perfectly normal having a great start to the week to everything that could go wrong going wrong and feeling like everything is spiralling out of control. Feeling hot then cold, not being able to think straight, crying, feeling angry going through that crazy cycle of emotions. Most won’t have a clue what I’m talking about, most women go through that time of the month without it being a big deal. I’m usually most women but this month when the painters came to decorate my town they came in full force leaving me wanting to lock myself in a room for a week till they finished the job. I’ve got more spots than my teenage daughter and my body aches like I’ve been at the gym.

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Most will believe that time of the month should be easy for me having periods since eleven and having had three kids. I should be a pro at this, after childbirth it gets easier right? Having had the worst periods ever as a teen I have been grateful for those times in my life when my periods were not around. I felt cheated that they came so soon after having a baby and still breastfeeding the first time round. It almost felt like Mother Nature was giving me a low blow!

As a society we don’t really discuss periods, our pads are discreetly hid away, parents still are shy to broach the subject with there 10-11 year old daughters who they are happy to have Facebook and insta but do t want to discuss the real facts of life.
Periods in girls are happening as young as eight years old and the effects of Premenstraul tension can be damaging but still we don’t talk about it? We do joke about it woman gets angry “Oh don’t mind her it’s her time of the month”
***k you what do you know about hot flushes, feeling increasingly uncomfortable and having serial killer type thoughts.

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I often curse eve for eaten that apple and giving woman kind the pain of periods, child birth and the menopause. Yes when you think it’s over it starts again. I find in life women are less sympathetic about other women’s issues my daughter has regular problems I’m sure it’s Inherited. A few weeks back I get a call from the school to say she’s feeling unwell but because it’s her period she “just needs to get on with it” the lady on the other end goes onto say in the real world she wouldn’t get a day off of
work.

In the real world at work you probably wouldn’t ring in and say you have women’s problems, in the real world women’s problems can mean anything from cramps to depression and in the real world I’d hope employers are more concerned for the welfare and wellbeing of their employees. I politely said that if they wanted her to remain at school it was fine but when she comes to the office and projectile vomits over the floor then this would then be their problem and not mine!!! “Ohhh” said the voice in the other end of the line “its that bad is it? ” no I just make these things up so my child can have a day off school because I have nothing better to do!!!!

Compassion and understanding is what’s needed I’m hoping I feel better this month! While I start my next cycle I’ll pop out to by my luxury sanitary products….let’s not get started on the tampon tax topic we will leave this for another time…

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Breast is best?

23 Aug

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Breastfeeding is a touchy subject mainly as we sexulize breasts which takes away from what they are really used for.

I’m not gonna lie I’ve done it tight dress stomach in boobs out, if you got it flaunt it and fortunately in our family breasts are an asset.

Known to get ladies out of parking fines the two humps that sit neatly for most on your chest are always causing some kind of uproar.

There was never a choice about breastfeeding instinctively I just did it. The first time round it was difficult and after a hard Labour her first feed was a bottle I persevered and managed 3 months fully breast feeding and another 3 combined. Second time I managed 6months and 1 month combined and this time I managed a whole year and one week combined with cows milk.

Having done this a few times I was determined to feed for as long as possible up until my little elf turned one. I also figured I would be saving money on milk that when I had my first was five pound a tin and has now doubled in price.

I soon learned this time round that breast feeding causes mass debates and people to continuously comment.

Are you going to breastfeed?
How long for?
When are you stopping?
Are you still breastfeeding?
Do you express?
It’s gonna kill when she has teeth!
Oh I didn’t breastfeed!
I couldn’t breastfeed!
Is she getting enough
It’s only beneficial the first few months

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So what’s the big deal?
It’s us other women, when women become pregnant or have a baby we turn into the a walking baby encyclopedia. What has worked for Jan might not work for Pam both us and our babies are different.

There feels like there is a lot of pressure to breast feed with now most maternity wards are not supplying formula. For women who truly can’t breast feed its a constant feeling of failure that they have let their baby down. For women that choose not to its the funny comments from others about their lack of wanting to bond. For those that are they are ridiculed in public and told to cover both themselves and their baby with a sheet.

As always us women just can’t win!

On parenting, pregnancy and breastfeeding sites the passion and tension on the subject is horrific. I have scrolled through these wanting to comment but stop myself mid flow.

I’d like to tell these ladies who are so passionate how hard breastfeeding is with three kids. How hard it is feeding a baby every two hours, how sore my breasts are from being so filled up. How exaushted it makes me feel and how hungry I am constantly. How I forget to drink water so sometimes milk supply is low, How ive leaked through breast pads and how my child feeds like a monster.

I choose not to as no matter how much you say it won’t make a difference to what the keyboard warriors currently feel.

As A woman I’d like to be supported by other women in my journey through motherhood. No matter how many groups classes and support pages there are you will always find groups of women bashing each other. When my friends ask advice I try to say I did this but do what’s best for you because ultimately mum knows best.
If you didn’t breast feed I won’t think any less of you I don’t know your struggle.

But comment on my choice and there maybe a problem!

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The Elf Princess

13 Aug

Today is the day the Elf princess is one I can honestly say it feels like she has been the most challenging child we have had. With never ending teething issues and an overwhelming amount of lost sleep hours… But with the most beautiful smile and a personality which lights up a room she has given us a run for our money. I know in time we will forget how tired we were and just remeber how happy we were when She arrived. It has been like starting over and being new parents, we knew number three would be different and she is… She shot into the world a few days early fully ready for it with only two hours of Labour I had an incling she would be quick off the mark.
Its funny those who meet her say she has been here before from day one she new the drill and just fell inline with the family. I’d love to know who she was and where she has been?
Although we have had to adapt somethings she fits with us just perfectly. Her brothers cheesy grin, her sisters energy, my good looks and her dad’s sense of humour.
I’m sad our journey of our first year is over but know we have a lifetime of fun and excitement ahead and now into leading to the terrible two’s.
The year seems like it has flown in a short space of time you have grown exceeded all milestones and now ready for the next chapter of babyhood.
I’ve spent quiet time in those first days and months breathing you in. I’ve been hear before I know as a mum sooner rather than later I’ll be waving you off to school. Selfishly I wish you could stay like this forever but deep down I know that you as small as you are can hold your own, I know you will be alright.

I hope we have made this birthday amazing for you and I hope we celebrate many more in time

To the only Elf I know and love Happy Birthday Mum

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Dirty 30

31 Oct

Turning thirty is a big thing it marks a different time in everyone’s lives I suppose by thirty most people are either knowing where there going or deciding where there going. There is talk of biological clocks silent ticking and the realisation that 15 years ago you were ready to embark on the journey into adulthood. The reality is I’m not young anymore I can’t pretend the fact is I’m getting on and you know what I’m ok with that. People have joked of me turning thirty and I have brushed it off I look alright for my age, I have a beautiful family, good job in a field I want to work in, money in the bank, I drive a nice car, take regular holidays and have a roof over my head so not much to be sad about! So for those of you who have been following my journey I decided this year as I became pregnant and would have a new born when turning thirty to do something different. Partying wouldn’t be fun with a newborn and organising group events are just to tiresome so I set myself a challenge from the 1st of October to 31st of October I would do thirty different things. Things I would enjoy with the people who wanted to do things with me. Things I hadn’t done before, things that were different. Some things would scare me, others would be emotional and most of all it would be fun. Everyone has had that disappointment on their birthdays, the day doesn’t go to plan, stress of organising so called friends let you down. By taking all the stress away with no obligations I made this about me those that wanted to come along for the ride did.

So here’s my 30 things

1.Dirty Martini Liverpool Street
2.Pizza Deptford
3.Art house lewisham
4.Somerset House
5. Eating Oysters
6. Heron tower Liverpool Street
7. Birdie num nums cocktails in tea pots Newcross
8. Secret tea room Soho
9. Denis severs museum Folgate street
10. Sherlock Holmes museum Baker Street
11. Eating an Ostrich Burger Borough Market
12. Paint jam North London
13. Auction House Chiswick
14. Mamma Leah’s Old Kent Rd
15. Murder mystery Hunt City of London
16. Fusion Cafe Catford
17. Shard London Bridge
18. LA ponte de la tour Shad Thames
19. Caricature Leicester Square
20. Mamma Mia Alydwich
21. Lego exhibition Brick Lane
22.Kisstory Gold Vip 02
23.The Orbital Olympic Park
24. Our first Family photo
25. Cabana Westfields
26. Coke with my name on
27. Rode a Borris Bike
28. BB cafe tea and cake
29. Tudor Barn
30.

You may notice 30 is blank 30 is this blog so I’m sharing a part of my 30th with all of you this is a long lasting record of everything I have done. I have kept little pieces of my 30 things leaflets, receips, taken photos and bought keeps sakes so in another thirty years I can look back and remember I had a good time. What have I learnt in a morbid way I have learnt I’m close to death it could happen at anytime but if a horrible disease doesn’t kill me before old age I’ve perhaps only got half a life left. I’ve learnt not to be so scared, the thought of eating oysters freaked me out but I did it and it was ok. I’ve learnt to enjoy life even more the challenge has enabled me to do some of the things I’ve wanted to do for some time but put off and never got round to doing. Im now an artist and I’m still scared of heights I’ve learnt to be more spontaneous to value even more time spent with loved ones and to appreciate that I have the ability to do things other may not be able to. Turning thirty I feel grateful I have family, a few great friends and a life that isn’t bad at all.

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Case of the EX

1 Oct

Should the past stay in the past? Should unfinished business be settled or should you leave it alone? Let’s talk about it, Case of the EX!

We all have something in common, unless you have been locked in the cupboard for more than a hot minute. Everyone reading this should have an ex!

There’s a range of reasons why a guy or girl turns from being a partner, boyfriend or girlfriend to being an ex.

I don’t want to list them all as we would be here all day, but common themes are; someone cheated, it wasn’t going anywhere or there was a Chris and Rhianna moment.

An ex is an ex for many reasons, but sometimes in the heat of most heated moments we are drawn back to those that were once dear to our hearts.

I always have those what if moments and I guess if we all reacted to those moments our paths would be different.
Some people never let go of their exes for one reason or another, an ex plays a major part in some people’s lives whether you stay friends, are in the same social groups or they are your baby mum/dad. There is a connection, however weak, that some how remains strong.

Having a child with someone is an ever lasting bond, that child is not going anywhere so even if she’s acting whack or he’s not paying maintenance you are still the mum/dad.

No matter what person comes before or after the person you have a child with, they won’t replace that feeling (unless it was a one night thing) or feelings you had for that person at that time of your life. For most people who have children together in a loving relationship the pregnancy and birth of a child is special. Many will disagree, but how many people have split with their babymum/dad and are still sleeping with them on the side? How many people wish they didn’t make those mistakes they did and wished things could be different.

Let’s put baby’s aside for one minute. I asked my twitter peeps this week to hit me up with their views on getting back with an ex surprisingly it seems the only thing exes are good for is sex.

“Once your done your done!”

“There’s only one pro to an ex…….. SEX!”

“I agree sex but only if he’s BIG and good”

“Pros: You feel comfortable with them, know what to expect. Cons: could fall for them again, might not move on”

“Pros: If they were good than woooo. Cons they catch them feelings wid every thrust of a hip… #Long”

“Pros: Sex that night knows what she can do no asking. Cons: Her talking about what we had”

“Pros: sex and comfort. Cons: can be boring, predictable, annoying, nosy, overly familiar, and think its okay to fart in front of u cos they used to”

Is it just about sex though? Isn’t it about remembering those feelings you once had, reminiscing on good times, that person who knows you probably better than anyone else? Yeah, its comfortable with an ex, but in many cases things that happened in the past could make you feel uncomfortable.

Hold on, there is a good reason why you split though right? So why would you entertain going back?
So he comes with the puppy dog face, like Drake with bars like  “Baby I miss you” and she comes with “no one does it better than me?” Does someone missing you warrant a come back? So he says he’s sorry, he made a mistake and yeah you still like him. Why wouldn’t you? He’s an attractive guy, the sparks still there, but can a leopard change he’s spots? Chances are, if it ended badly you will have told everyone about it who will listen. So bringing that person back into your circle isn’t going to bode well.

As I said before, an ex is an ex for a reason. You can’t make something new from old rope. People do change and evolve, but the factors that made you split will most likely still be there. If something is not meant to be, it isn’t meant to be. So what would be the point of trying again?

I haven’t got all the answers, these are questions that individuals need to work out for their self, remember I aint getting paid to write this shit! What I will say is, an ex is an ex for a reason, if you go back will you ever be able to go forward?

If it was a fiery relationship that ended badly don’t reignite the flames, as only you will get burnt again. I once came up with a theory and told this to someone close to me who stupidly didn’t listen and ended up with a seriously bad case of the ex. If your shoes are mash-up what do you do? Get new ones! New shoes may take a bit of time to wear in, but they look good, feel fresh and you can have so much fun with them. Old shoes, although they may be comfy, in the end start to fall apart and in some cases have a musty smell!

Final thought would you eat something past its use by date? If the answers no leave it alone.

Mummy Porn

12 Sep

I like to think of myself as more of a leader than a follower in everything I do. I have never been one to follow the crowd; I’m very opinionated and only impulsive when I need to be. I generally do my own thing, not easily led and strive to remain an independent thinker. However, in life, sometimes there are trends and fads everyone follows and we all end up being consumed by them. I’m usually the last one to try things and I don’t mind that those that jump in feet first sometimes drown! When everyone jumped on the BB hype I was the last in the circle of people I know and although I find my BB useful for blogging etc I have been disappointed by this crap toy that I think was made for kids.

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So when all the women I know start reading the 50 shades trilogy, talking about the red room of pain, telling me I’ll love it. I was dubious and I stood back and waited. 90% of the women I know are reading this book, people have read the trilogy in a matter of days and I honestly wonder how this is possible?
I like to read, I love a good story and having a flare for writing I try and read as much as possible to get ideas on what to write next. The problem is, I don’t have time, my commute is by car and apart from my breaks at work and in between trying to be super mum it’s difficult.
The roar about Mr Grey continues, what is it about him that is making the female population melt and quiver? I was reading Great Expectations which may I add is an excellent book and when I finally finished decided to succumb to peer pressure. On my hotel balcony, I pick up a friends copy of Fifty Shades andstart to read.

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So everyone has said “it’s a slow starter” and for a book that is based on erotic sex it’s very slow!
For those who haven’t read here’s a brief synopsis:
It’s the usual, guy meets girl situation. Anastasia Steel meets a rich and sexy business man, Christian Grey and although for her the attraction is not instant, she quickly falls for his good looks and charm. What’s erotic about that you’re wandering? Well, Mr Grey is a kinky fucker (literally), he’s into cuffs, spanking, whips, chains and has a room dedicated to his kinky lifestyle, dubbed the “Red Room of Pain”. He’s slightly fucked up from what seems to be a bad early childhood and has some deep commitment issues. He wants Anastasia and she wants him, but not in the normal sense. (He calls normal sex vanilla)
Anyhow, he wants her to sign a contract for her to be his submissive, so he can have full control. She can’t tell anyone, what will she do? I won’t spoil it, if you really want to know, read it!

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As I was saying the books was very slow, they don’t have sex until chapter 8 and to make matters worse she’s a 22 year old virgin!!! Yep, I said it the “v” word. At 22 he, as they say, pops her cherry and to rap it all off she gives him killer head and gets an A*!
Now ladies, let’s be real, at some point we all go down, but on the first night for her first time, she goes down!!! Let’s be real here, as I’m using far too many exclamation marks, you have never had sex or oral sex may I add, but you go down hard on a well endowed package and swallow without any form of gagging or refusal? Sorry has she been working out on a banana? Not to be crude but there are some things that you just can’t put in your mouth and having a gag reflex I find it hard to open wide. Contrary to popular belief my mouth is actually not that big.
Mr Grey is that guy, the guy with it all. But with his psycho split personality, which is not only at times sexy yet intriguing, it makes me realise, he would be too much trouble for me. (But then, I do like a challenge)

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So, you meet a guy, you get to know him and then you realise he’s a freak in the bedroom department and finds inflicting pain, mirrored by pleasure, a deep turn on. What would you do? Most would run a mile but once you have started something, is it that easy to finish?
In relationships, people tend to bring out the best in their opposition. Opposites attract and someone with a loud brash personality could bring the quietest mouse out of their hole.

I love a good love story, may it be book or film but Fifty Shades of Grey is poorly written and grammatically flawed. It’s an easy book to read, as most words are repetitive and there is a lack of substance. With all this taken into account there is a good story line and I think E L James has managed to pull it out the bag, as we all know sex sells.

Women all over the world probably have renewed faith and better sex lives by reading the trilogy and perhaps are able to share those awkward moments that they couldn’t before. The book has been dubbed as female porn, I think a very mild form, but ladies if you wouldn’t let your man watch porn, don’t be trying to pick up this book and hope to get wet. (It’s not on)
As I’ve now finished the book, I’m left wandering what will happen next. So now I’m onto the second, “50 Shades Darker”. I never start something I can’t finish, so ill let you know how I get on. To play you out Soul II Soul Back to life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ISXnagiafg

The List

29 Aug

We all have someone we have a major crush on someone be it celebrity or real life, but is it healthy to have crushes when you’re in a relationship or marriage?

Let’s talk about my list!

It’s an ongoing joke with me and Mr B, every time I come across a new hottie he goes on the list. Every time I mentioned the list, Mr B grunts and rolls his eyes. So me being me I told him to go and get his own list and so far I know of two women he has on it. (One he has strong competition)

Anyway, if you are still confused “The List” (which gets longer by the day and isn’t a real document that I scribble on every night) is a list of guys I’d like to have sex with. OMG! I here you all screech, as many of my friends have said when I’ve told them about the list “Your husbands ok with this?” Well we are still here, together and the list has only been going for about a year or so, so I guess there is no issues with it!

Now, I said a list of guys I’d like to have sex with these are all famous guys so it’s probably not going to happen but I’ve been honest with Mr B and said if I go out and Mr X is in the club don’t expect me home!  To be honest having one man is trouble but having two making claims on me would be too much so all I’m asking for is one night. In reality with kids, work and a husband where am I finding the time to have sex with Mr X and let’s say Drake? It’s not going to happen, how am I going to do the commute unless his moving to London and can fit in between the school run and lunch time then it’s clearly not going to work.

I asked a few people on twitter what they thought by posing the question “Is it healthy to banter about people you fancy when you’re in a relationship”:

” Yes, the key for me is laughter and trust. BUT I do think it depends on if it’s an unobtainable celeb or “Natalie from work”

“I don’t see anything wrong in it, both parties should be secure enough to share absolutely anything”

“I personally wouldn’t leave my man for a celeb… but I kinda like the idea of a free pass….”

“It depends how secure the relationship is, depends how much trust there is.. If so, then yeah its fine cos it’s bein real!!”

I managed to be able to get 2 of my celeb/men of power crushes to follow me on twitter by being cheeky it does actually get you far sometimes I won’t tell you who they are but here are ten of my celeb crushes in no particular order so guys please don’t get upset if you’re not at the top:

  • Chucky Venn
  • Drake (As if it wasn’t obvious)
  • Idris Elba
  • Kanye West
  • Obama
  • Scott Malsen
  • David Beckham
  • Wentworth Miller
  • Will Smith
  • Russell Brand (Not so much based on looks more that his a bit of an animal)

Now your done drooling we can start wrapping up!!!

So there’s ten off my list and I could probably give you another fifteen at least, all I think are good-looking and all I imagine have got some bedroom moves that would interest most women. (I don’t care if it’s not in the bedroom I’m honestly not that fussy!) Unfortunately, I’ve only had a dream about one of them and before anything happened I was rudely awoken by Mr B for some kind of wife or mother duty.

So why do I have these fantasies? Why am I thinking about having sex with other men when I have one at home? Well I guess we all have desires, needs, dreams and stuff we can never have and seening as I have everything in life I want or need, something I can’t have, maybe a pleasant distraction. I don’t sit and perv over these guys 24/7 I haven’t got time, but if they are on the telly or I hear their voice on the radio I’m thinking mmmmmm I need me some of that.  Granted all the men on my list are not my unusual type but we are talking one night here, so who cares! The dirty thoughts and fantasies I have about these guys are no different to the one’s guys have and no different to the sensations women have been getting while reading 50 shades of grey. Anyway now you know about the list why not go and make your own while listening to some Drake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zzP29emgpg