Lovers and Friends

27 Jul

So I’ve decided to lay off talking about being a woman for a while and start talking about something that has been a topic of a few of my conversations over the last week –
Lovers and Friends. We all have friends of the opposite sex; may it be in the work place, from school, people who we have grown up with and people we have met along the way. However, what I’m asking is…
Do male/female friendships really work? As just friends? Can you be friends with someone who was previously your lover?

your lover?

Let’s look at friends in general…

People are friends with other people for many different reasons; whether these friendships are based on mutual interests, and with people who can bring some benefit or enhancement to your life e.g. because a person makes you laugh or you just enjoy spending time with them. Friends are an important part of our development socially from a young age.

I have a few male friends and although they are very nice in one way or another, I wouldn’t be trying to make any ‘moves’ (and ‘grooves’) on them as I think friendships should be respected (and the fact that I am a married woman helps)! Most relationships start as friendships of some form and just like relationships, you have to really get on with someone to be their friends otherwise there is really no point in having them around!! Usually, you are not deeply attracted to people who you want to be just friends with (be honest)and although you could possibly play the whole ‘hard-to-get’ thing, a friend would have to be pretty silly if they did not notice the signals (either that or they are in complete denial and are far to nice too hurt anyone’s feelings)

Have a look at this video- Lovers and Friends by Kadey James. I posed the question in the chorus to some friends this week asking what would they do if a friend started to get a bit close and asked them:
“What would you do if I said, baby take your clothes off?” Comments I received ranged from “WTF!”, “Why?”, laughter and one person (who shall remain nameless) said “You first!”. Surprisingly, I didn’t get the answers I anticipated. The majority of people said they wouldn’t be happy about their friend making a move on them like that. Answers varied, depending on what sort of friend he or she was and how long the friendship had lasted.


I then thought a little deeper… what if I was attracted to a male friend of mine who I thought was very good-looking? What would I do???? I’d like to think I wouldn’t do anything but… if he was also attracted to me then why shouldn’t I??? (If I was single of course)
Yeah why not?! I thought…BUT then my brain started to work overtime (this always happens to me) thinking what would happen after this one, perhaps intense moment of passion???? Once you take yourself over the bridge from friends to lovers you run the risk of entering the deep, dark and dangerous waters of complication where feelings and emotions can run high through rain clouds of doubt and regret. Did you both feel the same??? Was it worth it??? One of you wants to do it again and the other doesn’t??? Can you move on from this and go back to being friends???

If this had happened, I can imagine the awkwardness would be the biggest problem. “Oh yeah its cool we can still be friends!” Guys, you know she isn’t really thinking that but you persist with the game because you don’t really feel her but you don’t want to lose her so you want to be like Hannah Montana – “The best of both worlds”!!!

Saying, ‘Can we still be friends?’ is one of the top ten one liners people don’t want to hear! It’s right up there with “It’s not you, it’s me.” Hey…now I think about it, the same person probably came up with them! There is probably no going back from crossing the line with your friend so why do it? Temptation, lust, curiosity, just making sure the person isn’t really “THE ONE” in disguise the list of why’s are endless. Trey Songz says “I wished we never did it” he crossed the friendship line in his video Can’t be friends by Trey Songz (But if he was my friend I definitely would)

As I’m writing this, my head is actually hurting (I’m still thinking about the possibility of me and Trey) and I’m blaming the people who put this topic in my head. I realise there is one part of the ‘lovers and friends’ topic that I haven’t yet touched on, and that was the second question I asked at the beginning. This is one that most people who are reading this can probably say they have had to deal with at some point in their life… Can you be friends with your ex??? (I can hear the oooo’s, aaah’s and hissing from through my screen)!!!
The first question is why would you want to be friends with your ex? He/she is one your ex for a reason and I can honestly say I’m not friends with any of mine as all I can think of is WASTE!!! Would you keep something that needed to go out with the rubbish? Like I said before, friends and relationships are similar, you have to like the other person and get something from them that is worthwhile like, are they a good listener etc.
Let’s look at some scenarios:

1.Ex cheated on you… “Do you want to be friends?” 
Erm…Hell to the No! If he/she has cheated on you in a relationship he/she will probably rob you as a friend.
2. Ex and you argue 24/7… “Do you want to be friends?”
They have annoyed you for too long now why would you want them as a friend to piss you off even more?
3. You end with your ex in quite a pleasant way with no animosity or ‘beef’ -just two different people going to different ways “Do you want to be friends?”

Why not? Seems like a sensible thing to do just as long as you’re not gonna have a Case of the ex(Mya). Yet, in the future when your new partner gets all protective cause your friend who is also your ex is flying around. (Sticky situation).

There are no clear-cut rules when it comes to lovers and friends. You may delve into the shallow waters of love with your friend hoping that everything will be ok, you may remain friends with your ex because you don’t want to make enemies.
Some people stay friends with their ex as it is the easy option especially if you have mutual friends or you don’t want to have to cross the street when you see them, then maybe that’s the best option for you but I think that sexual tension will always remain even if it’s only in one of you. Don’t be surprised if one day this ‘friend’ declares his or her love for you!!!
For me, the friends I have are important. Realistically, I’m not going to be friends with Trey Songz so I’m not going to be making moves on my friends any time soon. (They all breathe a sigh of relief). So…If you do cross the line, be prepared for the consequences, sometimes things are just meant to happen:

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control!” Anon

What do you think place your vote


One Response to “Lovers and Friends”

  1. Jessamine Corpuz July 30, 2011 at 7:04 am #

    Nice post.. It’ll leave a hard thinking to your readers…

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