Single and Ready to Mingle!!!!

3 Aug

The weekend past, was by far, the best weekend in a long time! No, the title of this blog has nothing to do with me being single, but it does play a part of my weekend.
Friday, ironically, marked my five year anniversary and my husband had planned a surprise of dinner, drinks and comedy, and for the first time in a years,he bought me flowers -which deserves a mention! To be honest, I hate surprises and that’s due to me being so nosey and wanting to be the first to know everything!

Saturday, was my cousin’s club night ‘Kisstory’ at the Indigo 02. It’s a must for any old school garage fans with Kiss DJ’s and live acts from back in the day. (You can add the page from facebook to find out when the next one is – have to promote my cousin!) Indigo 02

Finally, I attended the One Love Peace Festival at Wembley Arena to mark 30 years since the passing of the legend Bob Marley and to highlight gun and knife crime in the capital.

Overall an excellent weekend although, at one point I did have to ask myself ,”Am I getting to old for this?” (We’ve all been there! Along with ‘I’m never drinking again!’) My answer was “NO!” A bit shameful maybe, but the saying goes, ‘You are only as old as you feel’ and although most days I feel like a pensioner, this particular weekend, I was young and alive!!! (I even got asked for ID in the shop.)

Right, I haven’t been single for ten years and being single was something that came up quite a bit this weekend. Now, although a lot of my friends are in relationships, equally a lot of my friends are single. This weekend, I started to wonder about the pressures of being single for both men and women over the age of twenty five?

Now, we all know that some women get to a certain age, panic that the old biological clock is ticking, “Must find a man, ANY man to make a baby!”) I even watched a documentary the other day about women going to sperm banks in America and finding donors which try to cut the man out altogether!

If your a guy who’s single and all your friends get partners or wives you become the friend who they are not allowed to roll with the one who is a “BAD INFLUENCE”! (Yes, this happens). I don’t know how I would feel if I was single at thirty-plus but if I were I would maybe just play the field. I have a joke with my best friend that if my marriage ends and I’m of an older age I would find a regular sleeping partner who I call old ‘Joe from Bingo’. As long as he filled my needs once or twice a month I would be happy- I guess *shrugs*. There is a general consensus between people that I know, that if your over 25, single and still raving like your 21 every weekend and most nights in the week, then you have issues that need to be addressed. Especially when the raving scene nowadays is full of young people from the ages of 16 -21(excluding going to pubs and bars). So, if I was single and not wanting to be in a relationship, what would I be looking for???
I went back to imaginary ‘Joe from Bingo’, someone who would be uncomplicated, gives me what I need – when and how I need it. I realised that over the last few years, I have seen my friends go through stressful relationships, playing the dating game and being hurt. I give a sigh of relief sometimes that I don’t have to do that but if I did have to go down that route again, I would at least know what I want!!!
I then thought about my single friends male and female alike they all seem to manage fine being single and although there are some low points at times (Who doesn’t have these!) they just roll with the punches! Over the last couple of weeks I have gone out to a few places and when I have looked around I have noticed a few things:

1. Most of the people that are going out now are under 25.
2.Most males who are going out regardless of their age are short under 5’4 (Where are all the tall guys at?!)
3. Girls are usually wasted at a certain time of the night disgracing themselves allowing no self-respecting man a chance

On Saturday, I tried to help a male anonymous friend out by trying to scope out perspective females that he may want to get involved with. The task was hard and left me feeling glad to be in a relationship and female. Girls are hard work, they either and perhaps I’m included in this somewhere:
. Think they’re too nice (When the majority are actually not)
. Are again too wasted to talk
. Have their bare feet out in the dance (Please…no… don’t do it have respect for others and bring flats)
. They are in a relationship

So pickings were slim although he did manage to find someone!
Today, I decided to do some research as I like to get my readers opinions there was an overwhelming response and at one point my friend said his BB was going to blow up! So the question was posed:  “What are the good and bad things about being single”

Good Points:
There is no one to answer to, you can do as you want and no one get’s hurt, you can sleep with who you want,
Independence, more free time and the ability to meet new people talking to who you want when you want
No need to lie, no jealousy, not having to take on someone else’s issues, no headaches, you can be selfish, you can give your energy to who you want to and not feel you have to always give it to a specific person and no getting into violent confrontations with your partner (Don’t know who this came from but they need to rethink who they are going out with!) and saving money

Bad Points
Lonlieness – No one to snuggle up to at night, go on dates with, no honeymoon period, butterflies or connection that is real with anyone, not loving anyone, never satisfied,
Frustration (We are not talking about the game here!)
Being the single one when your friends are all in relationships
Being a Hoe (Easy on how many people your sleeping with ladies and always be protected)
Lack of regular sex, sex is better when it is with someone you like
No-one to split your bills with, No one to cook for you.

As you can see there are a good mix of good and bad points. I think it depends on the person who is answering the question if it’s someone looking for love they may concentrate on the good points. Yet, if it’s someone who has been scorned they will concentrate on the bad points!

So I have come up with Five top tips for guys and girls to bag a mate! I’m not saying it’s definitely going to work but its worth a try:

1. Have a technique that you use to go on the pull (I’m leaving the way you do this up to you)
2. This ones for the girls: DON’T be scared to make the first move and guys if she knocks you back then dust yourself off and try again its her loss (Preferably not with her friend!
3. Don’t use chat up lines (someone asked me do I run like a cheetah when I had a leopard print dress on – yes makes no sense) if you see someone you like think about what your going to say -have an actual conversation!
4. It’s all about asking the right questions no point in taking someone’s number if they are not what you are looking for (No man with 6 baby mothers or woman with 3 baby fathers – too complicated stay away).
5. Sometimes you have to kiss plenty of frogs before your find MR or MRS Right. Don’t be quick to jump in the deep end too quickly or to early it will only end in disappointment!
I’ll leave you with this last line from a anon single female:

“Being single can be quite complicated at times!”

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5 Responses to “Single and Ready to Mingle!!!!”

  1. Mr anon nymous August 4, 2011 at 6:20 am #

    As a woman, I guess you wouldn’t really understand or relate to it just as I guess a man wouldn’t see or think of “being a hoe” as a down side to being single – doesn’t really work like that for men….BUT I think, no matter what type of woman you are going out with – if you are going to be any type of “gentleman” to your woman, being single WILL save you money. Woman. Cost. Money!

    Let’s break down an average date and FIRSTLY let me explain – even though a man LOVES a woman to OFFER to split the bill, being a man means that you will acknowledge the offer and the girl gets points for offering BUT men will reject the offer on an average of I’d day, 4 out of 5 dates – just because they are men – so here’s the breakdown :

    1. Approach a woman, get talking to her…offer to buy her a drink to extend the interaction before getting her number : £8 drink – plus if her friend is lurking In the vicinity, you get the friend a drink to distract her for a further two minutes so that she doesn’t mess up your “move” + £8.

    2. You call the woman and organise a drink/dinner date. Seeing as you are going for a drink – you (being the man) offer to drive so the woman can have a drink. This woman lives on the other side of london so you, the man put £30 petrol in the car as you will have to leave your house, pick her up, take her to the “venue”, take her home, then take yourself home.

    I hear some women shouting “nooo, I’d like to drive myself!!”…yes, maybe for the 1st date but if he gets past the first date and you still like him, this is far from an abnormal scenario – you know what I’m saying.

    3. You, the man paid for dinner…that’s what men do (again on average 4 out of 5 times) women – you can offer and be totally willing to pay…but…we just won’t let you.

    So…let me be blunt…being single and grown adults – we expect to do that twice…(Third time – maybe less – is a date that we have wormed to be in either at our houses where one of us will cook for each other, and the single man will expect to “bag” the woman – then maybe move on – its what single people do – close your suprised mouth!!

    This, for a single man, is where the expense stops until he CHOOSES to do so again…

    However, for a man in a relationship, steps 1,2, and 3 are a regular occurance!! Although not ALL the time – u have to keep your woman happy and take her out – and again, if you are not MARRIED at which point, you share bank accounts and can “balance” the costs a little more, the man WILL pay the majority of the time. PLUS another factor…again, if you are not married but in a steady relationship, the woman may stay at the mans house regularly – this means the man also has to stock up the fridge and make sure its full with those cranberry juices she likes etc…when he was single, the man was happy with TAP WATER!!

    Plus the man is always driving – probably TWICE as much as when single – filling up his tank constantly to pick his woman up from the “hairdresser” etc…

    I hope you see where I’m going with this…I honestly believe its a perfectly valid point that being in a relationship is more expensive than being single for a man…Mrs blogger, you may not see it as the man is, as I said before, able to “balance the books” a little more when he moves in with the woman and even more when married….think about it..its true..

    Thankyou.

    • supermumlover August 4, 2011 at 9:24 am #

      Hey Mr Anon
      Your points are all valid but there are also a lot of girls out there supporting there man if your man don’t drive you pick him up most guys are the one that would want a drink if they are going out girls are cool to go with out! Being in a relationship can be expensive I’m married with kid’s I should know! But it depends what kind of girl guy you are seeing if your guy aint got a job the girl will pay for anything and you know girls seem to be attracted to tyhis type! If your going out with a girl who has aspirations to be a WAG you may have to take out a bank loan!

      Thanks for your comments

  2. Medhavi Pheiffer August 4, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

    Hey Sasha,

    This is such a weird one because this can be effective culturally and socially, in the Indian community (and I don’t agree with this in anyway what so ever!!!) they believe every girl to have a sell by date, if you’re not married and hooked up by the time your 25 you kind of have to “settle” for whatever you can get!!! lol I’m guessing this doesn’t actually have to be culturally specific as the majority of females I speak to would concur with a spiteful face!!!
    I have to say I do not agree in anyway whatsoever! when you meet someone you just do!! I find being just yourself should suffice, extra efforts shouldn’t always need to be made to impress as sooner or later that’s exactly all it becomes…’an effort’ lol and hard to sustain, I say what you see is what you get!!! (burps and wind aside) lol
    the more one worries about the subject the more they will feel they are grasping at straws and also feel they need to lower their standards to somewhat when standards haven’t been achieved!
    I would have to say that the positives to being single are vast, you in theory have your pick of the lot , even more enjoyment form being admired by many and also the support of all the other singles around you. Equally many would say these are only temporarily sustainable moment of joy as many would feel that something more sure or sustainable is required .
    Being mingled is also vastly positive, with a sense of surety and safety along with knowing there are other added bonuses of regular affection, sex and also cuddles. Equally many mingled would feel that although having a partner is great, if the vast majority of their social group are not in relationships they are no longer worth the effort of contacting or involving or may even be flogged of onto the partner and seen as less of the group per say, also the fact that one has to be very careful not to over step boundaries with other people and eventually understanding that their life isn’t completely just there’s anymore it’s not longer ‘I’ its ‘we or us’.

    There are many pro and cons to both, I feel looking after yourself, enjoying your life and also not being afraid of taking risks is the easiest way to meet new people, recognise that the past is exactly that and learn from it!
    Honesty and enjoyment should go hand in hand!!!

    Live life and love xxxx

    • supermumlover August 6, 2011 at 5:17 pm #

      Hey Hun

      Thanks for the reply your right it’s hard to make an effort all of the time whether it’s hair, make up or just converstation.

      It’s equally hard being the one in the relationship with all single friends as you can sometimes feel your also missing out, your right though there are pro’s and cons to both and there is nothing wrong with a bit of risk taking Live life and love is an excellent moto

      xxx

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