Love and War

23 Aug

You might be thinking ‘Love and War’? Gosh! What IS she on about? Doesn’t she mean ‘War and Peace’? Is she going to reel off a novel or a short story of two lovers that are torn apart by war?
No actually you’re all wrong.

This week’s topic has been inspired by a few people. I’m always happy to write about what people are interested in, and this one comes from Ms. Marple.

Do you remember the first person to whom you said those three special words? Do you remember the first time someone said them to you? No…not “Milk no Sugar!” Those three words that once a person has said them there is no turning back…

“I LOVE YOU”

Now, I’m not including family members here! I’m talking about the romantic sense. Now take note, people do use those three words loosely!
For example, girl meets guy on Monday, he takes her for or a drink on Tuesday, by Wednesday, his back at hers and they are getting it on (I’m not judging), Thursday morning, in bed, she blurts out, “I LOVE YOU” (he leaves for work mortified!) On Friday, he hasn’t called and she can’t work out why. Saturday, she bombards him with messages and gets one text back saying “It’s not you, it’s me!” By Sunday, she is crushed and is sobbing on the shoulder of her friends over bottles of Agony Aunt Rose.

I think us girls are usually more likely to ‘break’ first – unless you get a guy that is really in touch with his emotions. Ladies, sometimes we can get in there a bit too quick and although the example given maybe a bit exaggerated it’s not too far from the truth. In some cases, you get whirlwind romances where it’s just like that, (still not judging) but like I said once you have said it – going back is impossible. You can’t turn round and say, “Sorry I didn’t mean it” or “Oh yeah I was drunk!” (We all know the truth comes out when your drunk!)

Guys, can get edgy about those three words, especially if it has been said too soon and the feeling isn’t mutual. Yet on the other hand, there is nothing worse than a guy (perhaps your happy to date, but not happy to have around on a permanent basis) getting the wrong idea and starts saying it!!! Do people give the wrong signals? How long should you wait? Is there ever a right time to say ‘I love you’???

I guess females are just more emotional than guys -they can be quite cold-hearted and it takes a lot more to make them crack. Think, how many guys have you seen cry? How many guys say “I love you” first?

Love can sometimes be confused with lust. Lusting for someone is totally different to loving them. Even though lust is about passion and wanting someone it’s usually a sexual attraction. When people talk about sexual tension -this is lust. When you crave to be with them (their body) -this is lust. When you have unimaginable desires -this is lust!! The thing with lust,is eventually the passion dies the person pisses you off and you come to that realisation… it wasn’t love. I can say I have been in lust many a time. You know those early teenage years when you think you know it all and believe it will last forever. (Yep those ones!) In reality, it lasts weeks, a few months if you’re lucky and when your older you look back and realise that it was just lust.

There are many different types of love, “First Love”, “Fast Love”, “Hard Love”, “Dangerous Love” and Unrequited Love” but how do you know if the love you’re feeling for a person is “True Love”? You know, something that’s real and not a fantasy of emotions that are building up due to lust?

Ms Gibbs had a wonderful quote on her BB last week describing LOVE:

“Love isn’t all about flirting, hugs, kisses and sex. Love is about having the ability to take all those things away and still having feelings for that person”

I think this describes love perfectly as when you grow old with someone sometimes the romance part can fizzle out but if you can see past the physical attraction there can be so much more; someone who makes you laugh, someone who’s company you genuinely enjoy and someone who becomes your best friend.

So where does the war part come in? The answer, as we all know, can come at any time after the honeymoon period! This is where arguments can develop. (This is normal and I worry about people who never argue or disagree in relationships). Sometimes arguments can be healthy for a relationship you able to get out what you need from built up tensions then when the storm has blown over discuss the issues like grown people. Why do we argue when we are in a good relationship? (Yes ladies I’m talking to you) Me, personally, I love a good row and I do nit-pick. I fully admit to starting arguments with my husband for next to no reason! My husband on the other hand is one of the most laid back, least argumentative people I know! (Ok, granted… I’m a bitch. I know this however, opposites attract or so I’m told!) Anyway my point is, during an argument, I will shout and he will not. I will rant on until I’m out of puff, whine and moan to my friends. Then, after a few fags and I’ve managed to calm down, we discuss things rationally, apologise (I try to, in my own selfish sulky way) and then move on. But why do I do it? Is it instilled in us to show our strength to those that we love most by creating unnecessary drama??? I admit to having OCD so the smallest thing will tip me over the edge! If I come home from work and there is a pile of washing up, the place is a mess and the kids are on the verge of being late for school I will see red and flip. Granted, this is a personal problem that I have and when others (not just my husband) do not conform to my ideals (tidiness, punctuality, saying you are going to do something and don’t, go against the agreed plan) I become a total mess but I know when this is going to happen and most of the time I can prepare myself by biting my lip (something I’m not good at but have to do a lot). I guess in relationships its knowing what wars you should take on and which ones are better fixed by taking a deep breath and counting to 10, letting the anger blow over and communicating with the partner on a level which helps both of you understand where the other is coming from.

Other ‘wars’ are started by splitting up and then this is where for most the real war comes in, have a look at your BB, Twitter, Facebook or any other social network that you may have that let’s you have a status!!! How many girls on your friends lists are at one moment happily in love with their boyfriend, partner, baby father or husband and their status reads something like “I Love my baby sooooo much” !!! Skip forward a few days or a week and the status of their relationship has changed to “Single” and the status now reads something to the effect of “Wasteman”, “Better off on my own” or “Thought I wouldn’t find out!”. It’s funny because this is one thing I don’t see guys doing they may slag us girls off to their friends or cuss us to our face through text in via BB message but really how many guys do you see really cussing chicks?? (Really think about it.) We can even go way back in history for years and see that a lot of the wars that have happened in history have been started by men. I think wars of the heart in relationships are usually started by women. (No I haven’t gone mad just stating the #facts). Fair is fair though, men do things to fuck up the most. Cheating they have down to a fine art, pissing us off they could get a degree in but when it comes to being diplomatic about breaks ups they are just better than us. Girls you would have to agree during a messy break up we are the ones with the tears, we are the ones kicking and screaming and ready to take him on (whether he deserves it or not it’s not a good look.) How many girls now are constantly cussing their wasteman baby fathers when the facts are:

1. He was always waste – you were just blinded by love or intrigued by lust
2. He is always going to be waste and never going to change

I think what we really should be doing, including everyone not just those with kids is:

1. Move on – karma’s a bitch and in the word’s of Beyonce “What goes around comes back around my baby”
2. Evolve yourself – don’t waste time cussing and letting everyone know you were taken for a fool you are better than that
3. Be strong – love isn’t easy. Many hearts have been bruised and battered in the game of love and although you may be able to die from a broken heart statistics on this are low (It’s rare that this is going to happen)
4. Remember not all guys are the same – so dispose of the baggage from your last relationship and move on to the new one with a fresh mind!

Girls have feelings that are totally different to men and both sexes express these feelings in different ways. Not all break ups end nicely and of course there are reasons why they end in the first place, but I think remaining dignified when you have lost in love is important so that you are able to mature and hopefully love again.

They say “All is fair in love and war” but this isn’t true wars are never equal and sometimes neither is love for some. Love is a battle that you can’t afford to lose!? Maybe we all need to be a little stronger when it comes to love and hold back when it comes to war’s listen toLove Strong and enjoy!

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