Certificate PG (Parental Guidance)

19 Oct

Being a parent is by far the most hardest job in the world, when you have a baby you are not handed a trusted rule or guide-book to tell you what to do. Family and friends with children are always on hand to give advice and in some cases tell you what to do. But ultimately its down to you. You will make mistakes that will be non threatening to your childs growth or development, but this is just life. We are only human, mistakes are part of the way we learn and grow. Whether you’re a single parent or part of a team, each parenthood scenario faces a varying degree of challenges.

Until you have had children of your own, I think it is unfair to judge how others bring up their kids (however we all know the basic do’s and don’t’s).
No matter how many books you read or how many supper nanny programmes you watch, you will never be the perfect parent. I believe there is no such thing as the perfect parent and no matter how much I love my kids there is no such thing as the perfect child.

When you have your first child, you have preconceptions of how you want to bring them up. As you grow these ideas change, as all children are different and have individual needs. Some people want to be as good as their parents and others want to be nothing like them. There are so many pressures on parents, even more so in the modern-day, that it is probably even harder than it has ever been to work out what to do for the best. Some people think being a parent is a job you do from birth to 18, when you are not legally responsible for your child, but like many others I believe that this role is one you do for the rest of your life.
I constantly worry about my children, which includes their present and future. Everything I do in life will affect them in someway and by no means do I want them to get to their twenties or thirties and look back and think “wow our parents were bad”.
I like to think I’m a firm, but fair, mum. My children are both doing well at school, go to a number of after school activities, have good social lives and are most of the time, behaved (all kids are naughty at some point, its part of how we learn and develop).
Being a good parent is about finding the right balance, being firm but supportive, being as open as is appropriate, finding time to do all those things they want to do and trying not to embarrass them in the process.

Almost everyday I am met by challenges and the faster the kids grow, the harder the challenges become. The challenges come usually in the form of decisions in the early days, its breast or bottle, huggies or Pampers, in your bed or in their cot?

As they grow from pre-school to infant age, it’s what school to go to, what is appropriate to watch on tv and what tactics of discipline to use.

My eldest child is now 9 and so far I have faced the mobile phone battle “But mum my friends have phones!” To which I reply “Why do you need a phone? who are you going to call?”.
She then adds “My friends” the final say comes from me “No” and why have I said no?
1. Wanting a phone out ways the fact that she needs one, truth is she doesn’t. If she wants to call friends I have a mobile and house phone she can use.
2. Giving her a phone, means giving her an added responsibility and me, an added expense, phones need credit.
3. Giving her a phone could make her a target of phone jacking, if she flashes her phone around it could be stolen and at 9 she is too young to defend herself.
4. She’s a child who should be playing with dolls, not gossiping on the phone (that’s my job).

Other battles have consisted of TV in my room and appropriate music to listen to and to be honest, once I have explained why she can’t have them the subject has no been brought up again. Being able to give a good valid reason as to why she can’t have something instead of saying No is probably how I win the battles.

We always say we don’t want to end up like our parents when it comes to discipline we swear we would never do the things they did to us but for most of us the transition into becoming our parents is inevitable.

We try to teach our children right from wrong but constantly tell white lies, The Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas and the Easter bunny are all examples of how we lie in order to preserve their innocence.

Parent child battles are as common as the battles of the populars in the playground sometimes you win and sometimes you will lose, what we teach our children has a big impact on how we are viewed as parents. If you have a child that is constantly naughty at school people will wonder what is going on at home, if you have a child who runs around the shopping centre like a nutter your judged as useless and not being able to cope. This was me last week when my son shouted out in the middle of Tescos mum I’m going to get lost, ran off nearly knocking out a new mum with a pram whom when I apologised gave me a look that screamed disgust. My son wound up hiding between the ladies dresses in the clothing area and I had to carry him out. Yeah I was slightly embarrassed and I would like him to behave but his a boy a cheeky mischievous boy, I’m not making excuses he is a monster by he is more than well-behaved at school so he has to let his frustrations out somewhere. I know my kids and if they have been naughty I will hold my hands up and let them be punished parents who think there children are angels will get a short sharp shock come teenage years.(Kids have to rebel at some point)

My husband said he thought brining up kids is one of the hardest things in the world he says he sometimes finds it easier to deal with the people at work than our two. Sometimes they do present us with the most challenging behaviour but I wouldn’t change them for the world, I feel privileged to have been allowed into the weird and whacky world that is parenthood where not all are fortunate to get in.

I guess you just have to think carefully and cautiously about every decision you make as a parent days of being care free soon fade and disappear (That’s not to say you can ever have fun). Each decision you make as a parent no matter whether it’s taking on a job, moving home or choosing what to have for dinner leaves a footprint a memory that can’t be changed.

The thought of my kids growing up freaks me out what kind of girl will my son bring home, in my head I’m pleading he is not a ladies man and just picks up with the latest local skank. Then what about my daughter will she grow into a sensible young lady or just go off the rails. Will they be liked by others, will they be smart, will they marry, have kids, go to uni, get good jobs the more I worry the closer the time creeps up.

Over the last week or so friends have reminded me that my eldest is soon going to be at secondary school, we are all pushing 30 and time is not on our side. It made me think each moment you spend with your child is precious and no matter how many pictures or films you take these moments can not be relieved.  There are days when I have heard the word MUM so many times I thought about changing it, but I know in the future I will hear this less and less. Children are a blessing and for that I give thanks.

Children are a blessing sent from God above
For us to care and nurture and most of all to love.

God calls us to be parents and gives us all the tools
And when we feel like giving up, our strength He will renew.

Children are a gift from God that He so freely lends
To make it through the childhood years, on Him we must depend.

He must have a presence, you see it must take three
The parents, child and Christ at the center to be a family.

From childhood days to a child full-grown
Their joys and hurts are a parent’s own.

Times of joy and laughter and those times of tears
The times spent raising a child are surely the best of years.

There comes that time in life when a child will leave the nest
We must send them off with love and a prayer and leave to God the rest.

We have shared the Word of God, we’ve taught them right from wrong
Now it’s time to let them go and let them write their song.

The faith instilled, the examples lived, and the lessons taught
All gifts that we’ve given our child, which will never be forgotten.

There are many paths a child can take, right or wrong will remain unknown
But rest assured that in the end, they all lead back to home.

(Author unknown)

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2 Responses to “Certificate PG (Parental Guidance)”

  1. theoryofthewonderingmind October 19, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

    I find it very interesting how a woman (usually) flows into motherhood whereas fathers at tyms need a kick in the head lol. all in all being a parent is definitely the hardest but most rewarding challenge life has to offer. It is amazing how the smallest of things our children do can mean so much and have the biggest affect.

    I was just thinking to myself this morning that having my son has actually made me. Giving me direction, ambition and stamina. It is him who gave life a routine. Before hand I was all over the place not knowing what it was I wanted to do and not following any direction. I thank my stars for how fortunate life has been giving me my mini me, to love, protect and nurture. Without him I would be the total opposite of who I am today.

  2. Medhavi Pheiffer November 15, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    oh man! sash this one was a tear jerker toward the end! x

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