You’ll never catch me on the Jeremy Kyle Show!

4 Jul

I have a guilty pleasure those of you that pay any attention to my tweets or FB updates will know exactly what it is! After the school run, when I come in from a night shift, on my days off in the afternoon and even on those rare mornings when I have nothing to do I love to watch Jeremy Kyle!

Jeremy Kyle is like Marmite you either love him or you hate him and I for one happen to love him (Don’t mock me), whenever your feeling down or think your life isn’t going to plan I advise you to watch his show it makes me feel a lot better. He maybe a bit antagonizing but you got to give it to him as his show is often better than a stand up comedian. On a real note we have to remember the show is based on real life stories for those of you who don’t watch here is a clip for you.

Jeremy is a bit like me a realest bringing you the realest issues with the realest talk back (Ok maybe not exactly like it but you know what I mean). You don’t know who your baby father is? You want a lie dector test as you believe your mans cheating with your best friend? Your boyfriend is addicted to porn? Your girlfriend won’t give you head? I might have gone a bit far with the last one but in general you have a problem and Jeremy will sort it out, or let you come and have a slanging match shame yourself on national TV and then go home with those that you came with to live your life!

There is a certain caliber of guest on the show you need to be one or all of the following:

  • Have no job
  • Have bad teeth
  • Be over weight
  • Have no dress sense
  • Have no common sense

Be thankful I have spared your eyes his teeth are not half as bad as other guests that I have witnessed over the last few weeks. If your watching the show hoping your going to see a hottie I can assure you that after staring at JK himself long enough his actual growing on me. If you like the older silver fox type Graham isn’t a bad bet and for those who like muscle there is always a security man on stage ready to wade in with his big old arms.

Imagine your problems being that bad all of Facebook already know and then you want to come and tell Jeremy and the nation about them, the people on the show are what I call “Whatless” people who are fully stupid and past the point of return. I don’t know who my baby father is it could be one of three men, I can’t afford a paternity test as I’m a benefit scrounging **** so what do I do let Jeremy deal with it. But yet I’m addicted I must get some weird pleasure out of shouting at the TV at the losers who come to tell all!

We hear in the news all the time about “Broken Britain” and this show sums up how broken Britain really is everyone has problems apparently there are no jobs, we are in a double dip recession and David Cameron is going to cut all your benefits. There are some people who live their lives like this you may even have friends or family like this, this might even be you and if this is you SORT IT OUT!

My issue is that it’s a cycle that is viscous, you and your family act waste and bring kids into the world who through no fault of their own will follow the cycle until one of them is smart enough to get out. Sad but true, if you know nothing else you will believe it is right and continue to follow in what you think are good footsteps.

My advice is there is plenty of help out there so here’s some things to keep you off the JK show:

Let Wretch 32 play you out you’ll never catch him on the Jeremy Kyle show


2 Responses to “You’ll never catch me on the Jeremy Kyle Show!”

  1. Antonia July 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm #

    Loved this weeks blog, real, funny as hell and very informative. Keep doing what you do. X

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