Mummy Porn

12 Sep

I like to think of myself as more of a leader than a follower in everything I do. I have never been one to follow the crowd; I’m very opinionated and only impulsive when I need to be. I generally do my own thing, not easily led and strive to remain an independent thinker. However, in life, sometimes there are trends and fads everyone follows and we all end up being consumed by them. I’m usually the last one to try things and I don’t mind that those that jump in feet first sometimes drown! When everyone jumped on the BB hype I was the last in the circle of people I know and although I find my BB useful for blogging etc I have been disappointed by this crap toy that I think was made for kids.

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So when all the women I know start reading the 50 shades trilogy, talking about the red room of pain, telling me I’ll love it. I was dubious and I stood back and waited. 90% of the women I know are reading this book, people have read the trilogy in a matter of days and I honestly wonder how this is possible?
I like to read, I love a good story and having a flare for writing I try and read as much as possible to get ideas on what to write next. The problem is, I don’t have time, my commute is by car and apart from my breaks at work and in between trying to be super mum it’s difficult.
The roar about Mr Grey continues, what is it about him that is making the female population melt and quiver? I was reading Great Expectations which may I add is an excellent book and when I finally finished decided to succumb to peer pressure. On my hotel balcony, I pick up a friends copy of Fifty Shades andstart to read.

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So everyone has said “it’s a slow starter” and for a book that is based on erotic sex it’s very slow!
For those who haven’t read here’s a brief synopsis:
It’s the usual, guy meets girl situation. Anastasia Steel meets a rich and sexy business man, Christian Grey and although for her the attraction is not instant, she quickly falls for his good looks and charm. What’s erotic about that you’re wandering? Well, Mr Grey is a kinky fucker (literally), he’s into cuffs, spanking, whips, chains and has a room dedicated to his kinky lifestyle, dubbed the “Red Room of Pain”. He’s slightly fucked up from what seems to be a bad early childhood and has some deep commitment issues. He wants Anastasia and she wants him, but not in the normal sense. (He calls normal sex vanilla)
Anyhow, he wants her to sign a contract for her to be his submissive, so he can have full control. She can’t tell anyone, what will she do? I won’t spoil it, if you really want to know, read it!

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As I was saying the books was very slow, they don’t have sex until chapter 8 and to make matters worse she’s a 22 year old virgin!!! Yep, I said it the “v” word. At 22 he, as they say, pops her cherry and to rap it all off she gives him killer head and gets an A*!
Now ladies, let’s be real, at some point we all go down, but on the first night for her first time, she goes down!!! Let’s be real here, as I’m using far too many exclamation marks, you have never had sex or oral sex may I add, but you go down hard on a well endowed package and swallow without any form of gagging or refusal? Sorry has she been working out on a banana? Not to be crude but there are some things that you just can’t put in your mouth and having a gag reflex I find it hard to open wide. Contrary to popular belief my mouth is actually not that big.
Mr Grey is that guy, the guy with it all. But with his psycho split personality, which is not only at times sexy yet intriguing, it makes me realise, he would be too much trouble for me. (But then, I do like a challenge)

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So, you meet a guy, you get to know him and then you realise he’s a freak in the bedroom department and finds inflicting pain, mirrored by pleasure, a deep turn on. What would you do? Most would run a mile but once you have started something, is it that easy to finish?
In relationships, people tend to bring out the best in their opposition. Opposites attract and someone with a loud brash personality could bring the quietest mouse out of their hole.

I love a good love story, may it be book or film but Fifty Shades of Grey is poorly written and grammatically flawed. It’s an easy book to read, as most words are repetitive and there is a lack of substance. With all this taken into account there is a good story line and I think E L James has managed to pull it out the bag, as we all know sex sells.

Women all over the world probably have renewed faith and better sex lives by reading the trilogy and perhaps are able to share those awkward moments that they couldn’t before. The book has been dubbed as female porn, I think a very mild form, but ladies if you wouldn’t let your man watch porn, don’t be trying to pick up this book and hope to get wet. (It’s not on)
As I’ve now finished the book, I’m left wandering what will happen next. So now I’m onto the second, “50 Shades Darker”. I never start something I can’t finish, so ill let you know how I get on. To play you out Soul II Soul Back to life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ISXnagiafg

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