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Three!

16 Aug

So I’ve made it through the terrible twos and now have a threenager Lord help me what with the teenager and the ten going on middle aged boy I might not make it to the next birthday blog. I’ve always said Kodi came to challenge my parenting skills and she continues to do just that.
She is finally sleeping in her own bed after if she could just get that waking up at 5.30 or 6am is not what we want or need her to do then we may get along even better

It’s been fun potty training was easier than we expected after trying persistently from 1-1.5 we gave up. Kodi does what she wants when she wants and just after two she was dry at night without even trying. A few accidents later and we have a dry baby one that says poo every time she wants a wee!!!

Food, as I have said Kodi is her own person she started her time as a two year old eating anything she could get her hands on. Turn time forward and we have food being lobbed across the room that isn’t up to the expectations of our new fussy eater. The diet has consisted of no veg, nothing with sauce on, ham sandwiches without the ham and anything plain. Now although you may think we’ll she eats fruit and meat you haven’t tried picking up plate after plate of food off the floor. If she’s in the mood for fruit she will eat it if she’s not yep you guessed it on the floor.

Constipation are we allowed to talk crap??? The fussy eaters club has caused some irregular bowel movements!!! When Elf was born I’d never realised how much shit could come out of one small being. When we brought her home we forgot that they cry poop and need to be fed. At 2am every night for the first few weeks this was the routine… She was regular and like clockwork for a few months and then it became less regular, apparently breast fed babies have less waste. I’ve been brought up knowing that going daily once or even twice is normal at age two we have a little person who goes once a week if we are lucky!!! Cue visit to the dietician and these funny seeds she now has spread on her toast to make her regular….Kodi like her brother is a keen runner in fact any time you let her down she tries to run off. We should have used reins but she would have just pulled them off. So now we keep fit by chasing her everywhere she goes. As she is approaching three she has calmed some what…

After taking thousands of photos of Kodi she now loves a selfie and is a fully fledged member of the tongue gang!! If your tongues not out your not having enough fun!!

Kodi should have been a boy she loves the colour blue, hates, dresses and loves dinosaurs. I have had to learn to compromise with her, now If I force her to wear a dress which is about once a week she wears converse. I’ve given up with pink clothes, she has the odd item but now I mainly buy blue in fact she looks better in blue maybe she just a has style. Kodi is a tough kid she loves digging in mud (she also likes eating it) she will climb the tallest climbing frame and search for creepy crawlies in the garden. She’s an adventurer with her own mind and we just go with her. Some people believe young children should not be allowed to think for themselves and although we guide her Kodi knows exactly what she wants and us hard to persuade otherwise. I hope her strong mind leads her to greatness.

Tantrums if she hasn’t had the most tantrums out of her siblings then I’d be amazed. The throw yourself on the floor embarrass your mum making her look like she failed at parenting kind of tantrums!! Yep she has them at the most inappropriate of times. I’m sat here in Disney whilst she sleeps watching kids have tantrums and smiling as I am happy it’s not my turn or my kid again! I’ve become a tantrum pro, at child three I actually don’t care yes its embarrassing but it’s not the end of our little world. If she wants to kick scream throw herself about I let her and within moments calms restored and we are on our way. Kodi is like having twins she has her good side and her bad when she is good she’s amazing a delight to be with and a really beauty. But when she’s bad shit she’s awful, ever heard of the rhyme ‘There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead… when she was good she was very very good and when she was bad she was horrid’ yep that’s Kodi.

People meet Kodi fall in love with her her elfie look is a thing of the past she has a beautiful smile, big brown eyes and cute little curls (that she still won’t put in a hair band)

Kodi likes to get herself dressed which for my st children is a simple exercise. For Kodi this means a battle of what we have chosen for her to wear against what she wants to wear! After our morning errands she comes home marches to her bed and puts her PJS back on

The journey to three has been eventful we have had some remarkable moments from our little elf princess like the breaking of the TV with the toy broom or the dangling of the worm in front of my face in the park. We have also had the most amazing moments how loving she is with her siblings and friends and her face this week when she met Mickey Mouse.
Another year has gone far to quickly and we can’t wait for the next chapter Nursery…. let’s hope she’s not excluded before reception!!!!!

Breast is best?

23 Aug

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Breastfeeding is a touchy subject mainly as we sexulize breasts which takes away from what they are really used for.

I’m not gonna lie I’ve done it tight dress stomach in boobs out, if you got it flaunt it and fortunately in our family breasts are an asset.

Known to get ladies out of parking fines the two humps that sit neatly for most on your chest are always causing some kind of uproar.

There was never a choice about breastfeeding instinctively I just did it. The first time round it was difficult and after a hard Labour her first feed was a bottle I persevered and managed 3 months fully breast feeding and another 3 combined. Second time I managed 6months and 1 month combined and this time I managed a whole year and one week combined with cows milk.

Having done this a few times I was determined to feed for as long as possible up until my little elf turned one. I also figured I would be saving money on milk that when I had my first was five pound a tin and has now doubled in price.

I soon learned this time round that breast feeding causes mass debates and people to continuously comment.

Are you going to breastfeed?
How long for?
When are you stopping?
Are you still breastfeeding?
Do you express?
It’s gonna kill when she has teeth!
Oh I didn’t breastfeed!
I couldn’t breastfeed!
Is she getting enough
It’s only beneficial the first few months

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So what’s the big deal?
It’s us other women, when women become pregnant or have a baby we turn into the a walking baby encyclopedia. What has worked for Jan might not work for Pam both us and our babies are different.

There feels like there is a lot of pressure to breast feed with now most maternity wards are not supplying formula. For women who truly can’t breast feed its a constant feeling of failure that they have let their baby down. For women that choose not to its the funny comments from others about their lack of wanting to bond. For those that are they are ridiculed in public and told to cover both themselves and their baby with a sheet.

As always us women just can’t win!

On parenting, pregnancy and breastfeeding sites the passion and tension on the subject is horrific. I have scrolled through these wanting to comment but stop myself mid flow.

I’d like to tell these ladies who are so passionate how hard breastfeeding is with three kids. How hard it is feeding a baby every two hours, how sore my breasts are from being so filled up. How exaushted it makes me feel and how hungry I am constantly. How I forget to drink water so sometimes milk supply is low, How ive leaked through breast pads and how my child feeds like a monster.

I choose not to as no matter how much you say it won’t make a difference to what the keyboard warriors currently feel.

As A woman I’d like to be supported by other women in my journey through motherhood. No matter how many groups classes and support pages there are you will always find groups of women bashing each other. When my friends ask advice I try to say I did this but do what’s best for you because ultimately mum knows best.
If you didn’t breast feed I won’t think any less of you I don’t know your struggle.

But comment on my choice and there maybe a problem!

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Waste Mums

13 Aug

Everyone always think that mum’s are the best, we know best and are the best providers of care for our children! Well I have news for you all there are a new breed of mums out there that don’t give a shit!

Let’s hold off on babyfathers for a while and concentrate for this blog on the group of mum’s I call “Waste Mum’s”

I’m not sticking up for whack Dad’s at all and rate single working mum’s who are really grinding to bring up their kid’s but it has to be known some of the so called fairer species are not as fair as they seem.

How to spot a waste mum?

Waste mum are sometimes not that easy to spot and if you don’t know they have kids you may just think they are normal girls out living life but dont be fooled.

  • Women that complain about their childs father when they are no better
  • Women who dress to impress while thier children are looking like orphans Annie or Oliver (Hairs done nails done everything did but your childs nappies hanging like it’s been on all day)
  • Women who have no interest in their childs education
  • Women who constantly swear and be little their kids (Cunts a favourite word they use for them)
  • Women who bring a number of random men around their child expecting the child to call him Dad
  • Women who palm their kids off on anyone that will have them

So why do women like this have kids? The common answer one we all know well is to trap “That guy” delibrately get pregnant so he is forever yours, us sensible people know this doesn’t work! Because if his got you pregnant he may have a few others pregnant as well. These women are then left with kids they never really wanted and take all their anger and frustrations out on them!

The children of these women are like little lost souls and though lack of love will grow to believe this behaviour is normal and most will continue the cycle.

Freuds attachement theory is based on how a mothers love and care is important within the first year of their life. If attachments aren’t made within this time any future relationship is said to be doomed.

I’ve never really cared much what anyone thought of me as a person but if someone was to be critical of me as a mum I would honestly flip, being a good mum is something I’ve worked harder for than anything else. Ensuring my children are well balanced, well educated, well mannered and have a greater life than mine is of the upmost importance to me. When I see mum’s who don’t care about their kids it angers me and makes me sad as there are so many women out there that can’t have children ready to give a great home.

Some of you may know the story where a few months ago I had a fight with 2 girls in the park who thought it was ok to take drugs in the toilets while there kids ran a mock in the park! The situation riled me so much I turned into she hulk it’s girls like these that shouldn’t have kids don’t care about them and certainly do not deserve them. If I honestly believed a child was being neglected or mistreated by their parent I would call Social Services or the police and hope they are taken away from the dreadful situations they face everyday. Working in a childrens home I know that sometimes Social Services intervention can be detrimental to a childs future, but living with a negelctful mum could eventually be the end of a childs life.

Most mums I know are great they do everything for their children and more but we have to remember there are a lot of great dad’s out there some whom are equally doing the role of mum and dad and not getting the recognition.

Being a mum is no easy job there is no handbook and most of us walk into motherhood blind, once we have a child we have their entire life to look after them as even when they are adults you don’t switch off caring continues. What I’m trying to say is none of us are perfect we can only try our best and if we genuinely try our children will flourish.

We are Family

9 Nov

Love them or hate them, fight or play with them your siblings are the closest thing to you there will ever be.

I am the eldest of four and may I add soon to be the shortest of us all as there is probably less that 2 inches in height between me and my little brother who’s 12 (Yes I must have got the short gene) It’s funny growing up I really wished I was an only child! Always having to share fighting for attention and perhaps not always getting what you want as there are more than one of you are a few downsides of having siblings. Now I am happy I’m not an only child as I honestly believe having siblings helps you develop more as a person and allows you to be able to deal with situations better. Now I will admit too sometimes not really liking the whole sharing thing, when you come from a big family and you finally have something for yourself you don’t really want to part with it. But you know it’s right and eventually you will share. Another advantage of having siblings is there is always someone to talk to your never lonely and although at times they will be annoying and break your toys, (My sister ripped the head off my first Barbie) when the shit hits the fan you can rely on them for back up.

My kids fight like cat and dog but once you get over the sibling rivalry and annoying brother v’s sister war they really do love each other. It’s funny watching them grow and overcome milestones and acting in the same ways makes me realise how different yet similar they are.

Lot’s of people are not close to their siblings for one reason or another your first childhood friend grows into adulthood and drifts away, some siblings are mere strangers to that person who they used to eat breathe and sleep each and every day. Some of the most famous faces in TV and music work with their siblings the Jackson’s, Olsen twins, Osmonds, Nolan’s, Kardashain’s, Williams Sisters, Jonas brothers, Waynas brothers, Kings of Leon, Bee Gee’s all to name a few. I wonder how they have managed having their siblings there all the time?

I asked some people what was the one best thing about having a sibling

“Always having people you can rely on and even though you may argue, they will love you unconditionally”

“The friendly competition of life achievements”

“You share and have the same experiences, you have someone to blame shit on but it also makes it harder to get in the bathroom!”

“You can blame things on them and they get the beats!”

As no two people are alike no two siblings are alike although the similarities between me and mine are sometimes obvious. I don’t need to tell people who my youngest sister is as most say she is the taller much thinner version of me. My sisters have the same sense of humour as me when we laugh we cry, the weird family sense of humour that only you get.Some people hate their siblings and although we all push each others buttons at times I wouldn’t be without mine.

Mum brings them home your no longer alone,

You share your toys, she pulls your hair sometimes you wish she wasn’t there,

He makes funny faces he whines and moans he screams out when your on the phone,

You now have someone who follows you everywhere a second shadow and a spy, your sibling is like mum and dad’s third eye.

I’ll tell mum they will tell dad someone’s in trouble wait for the fall out.

At school it’s great for them and you having someone there that’s got your back when everyone else is on the attack.

Then you grow, someone fly’s the nest and things change for worse or for the best.

You change, they change, the time you spend together is valuable.

Your sister, your brother, your friend!

I’ ll leave you with this great song by Sister sledge We are family

Certificate PG (Parental Guidance)

19 Oct

Being a parent is by far the most hardest job in the world, when you have a baby you are not handed a trusted rule or guide-book to tell you what to do. Family and friends with children are always on hand to give advice and in some cases tell you what to do. But ultimately its down to you. You will make mistakes that will be non threatening to your childs growth or development, but this is just life. We are only human, mistakes are part of the way we learn and grow. Whether you’re a single parent or part of a team, each parenthood scenario faces a varying degree of challenges.

Until you have had children of your own, I think it is unfair to judge how others bring up their kids (however we all know the basic do’s and don’t’s).
No matter how many books you read or how many supper nanny programmes you watch, you will never be the perfect parent. I believe there is no such thing as the perfect parent and no matter how much I love my kids there is no such thing as the perfect child.

When you have your first child, you have preconceptions of how you want to bring them up. As you grow these ideas change, as all children are different and have individual needs. Some people want to be as good as their parents and others want to be nothing like them. There are so many pressures on parents, even more so in the modern-day, that it is probably even harder than it has ever been to work out what to do for the best. Some people think being a parent is a job you do from birth to 18, when you are not legally responsible for your child, but like many others I believe that this role is one you do for the rest of your life.
I constantly worry about my children, which includes their present and future. Everything I do in life will affect them in someway and by no means do I want them to get to their twenties or thirties and look back and think “wow our parents were bad”.
I like to think I’m a firm, but fair, mum. My children are both doing well at school, go to a number of after school activities, have good social lives and are most of the time, behaved (all kids are naughty at some point, its part of how we learn and develop).
Being a good parent is about finding the right balance, being firm but supportive, being as open as is appropriate, finding time to do all those things they want to do and trying not to embarrass them in the process.

Almost everyday I am met by challenges and the faster the kids grow, the harder the challenges become. The challenges come usually in the form of decisions in the early days, its breast or bottle, huggies or Pampers, in your bed or in their cot?

As they grow from pre-school to infant age, it’s what school to go to, what is appropriate to watch on tv and what tactics of discipline to use.

My eldest child is now 9 and so far I have faced the mobile phone battle “But mum my friends have phones!” To which I reply “Why do you need a phone? who are you going to call?”.
She then adds “My friends” the final say comes from me “No” and why have I said no?
1. Wanting a phone out ways the fact that she needs one, truth is she doesn’t. If she wants to call friends I have a mobile and house phone she can use.
2. Giving her a phone, means giving her an added responsibility and me, an added expense, phones need credit.
3. Giving her a phone could make her a target of phone jacking, if she flashes her phone around it could be stolen and at 9 she is too young to defend herself.
4. She’s a child who should be playing with dolls, not gossiping on the phone (that’s my job).

Other battles have consisted of TV in my room and appropriate music to listen to and to be honest, once I have explained why she can’t have them the subject has no been brought up again. Being able to give a good valid reason as to why she can’t have something instead of saying No is probably how I win the battles.

We always say we don’t want to end up like our parents when it comes to discipline we swear we would never do the things they did to us but for most of us the transition into becoming our parents is inevitable.

We try to teach our children right from wrong but constantly tell white lies, The Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas and the Easter bunny are all examples of how we lie in order to preserve their innocence.

Parent child battles are as common as the battles of the populars in the playground sometimes you win and sometimes you will lose, what we teach our children has a big impact on how we are viewed as parents. If you have a child that is constantly naughty at school people will wonder what is going on at home, if you have a child who runs around the shopping centre like a nutter your judged as useless and not being able to cope. This was me last week when my son shouted out in the middle of Tescos mum I’m going to get lost, ran off nearly knocking out a new mum with a pram whom when I apologised gave me a look that screamed disgust. My son wound up hiding between the ladies dresses in the clothing area and I had to carry him out. Yeah I was slightly embarrassed and I would like him to behave but his a boy a cheeky mischievous boy, I’m not making excuses he is a monster by he is more than well-behaved at school so he has to let his frustrations out somewhere. I know my kids and if they have been naughty I will hold my hands up and let them be punished parents who think there children are angels will get a short sharp shock come teenage years.(Kids have to rebel at some point)

My husband said he thought brining up kids is one of the hardest things in the world he says he sometimes finds it easier to deal with the people at work than our two. Sometimes they do present us with the most challenging behaviour but I wouldn’t change them for the world, I feel privileged to have been allowed into the weird and whacky world that is parenthood where not all are fortunate to get in.

I guess you just have to think carefully and cautiously about every decision you make as a parent days of being care free soon fade and disappear (That’s not to say you can ever have fun). Each decision you make as a parent no matter whether it’s taking on a job, moving home or choosing what to have for dinner leaves a footprint a memory that can’t be changed.

The thought of my kids growing up freaks me out what kind of girl will my son bring home, in my head I’m pleading he is not a ladies man and just picks up with the latest local skank. Then what about my daughter will she grow into a sensible young lady or just go off the rails. Will they be liked by others, will they be smart, will they marry, have kids, go to uni, get good jobs the more I worry the closer the time creeps up.

Over the last week or so friends have reminded me that my eldest is soon going to be at secondary school, we are all pushing 30 and time is not on our side. It made me think each moment you spend with your child is precious and no matter how many pictures or films you take these moments can not be relieved.  There are days when I have heard the word MUM so many times I thought about changing it, but I know in the future I will hear this less and less. Children are a blessing and for that I give thanks.

Children are a blessing sent from God above
For us to care and nurture and most of all to love.

God calls us to be parents and gives us all the tools
And when we feel like giving up, our strength He will renew.

Children are a gift from God that He so freely lends
To make it through the childhood years, on Him we must depend.

He must have a presence, you see it must take three
The parents, child and Christ at the center to be a family.

From childhood days to a child full-grown
Their joys and hurts are a parent’s own.

Times of joy and laughter and those times of tears
The times spent raising a child are surely the best of years.

There comes that time in life when a child will leave the nest
We must send them off with love and a prayer and leave to God the rest.

We have shared the Word of God, we’ve taught them right from wrong
Now it’s time to let them go and let them write their song.

The faith instilled, the examples lived, and the lessons taught
All gifts that we’ve given our child, which will never be forgotten.

There are many paths a child can take, right or wrong will remain unknown
But rest assured that in the end, they all lead back to home.

(Author unknown)

Teenage Mum

24 Sep

If you didn’t already know I’m 26 with a  9-year-old  daughter and if you good at doing your sums and listened at school (Actually it doesn’t take a genius) you will have realised that I was once a Teenage Mum.

People may read this with the usual stereotypical views of teenage motherhood and realise I don’t conform to any of them
Q. Did I get pregnant to get a council flat????
A. No!!!
Q. Are you a chav??
A.No
Q. Am I a single mum on benefits?
A. No I’m married and work!!
Q. How many baby fathers and children do I have????
A. Two children, one husband

So now we have that bit out the way, feel free to leave any answered questions at the bottom of the blog! Back to the point. At 17, I became pregnant with my daughter Kyra. I was scared, confused and knew my parents would either attempt or go through with killing me but in that one moment of madness I, like many other teenagers in the UK, took that risk and had unprotected sex.

I was luckier that most teenage girls when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend took responsibility for his actions, we were young and in love and he vowed to stand by me no matter what. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I had ever done (harder than labour – and that’s hard), it must be every parents worst nightmare for their child to come home and say “I’m pregnant” or “I’ve got someone pregnant”. As a parent, you have so many hopes and dreams for your children and when those words come out of their mouth the world you had built crumbles to the ground!!!! I was at college studying Travel and Tourism with aspirations to travel the world. What my parents didn’t know was that I hated college! The course I was on was not for me, the girls were becoming a clique and I hadn’t attended a lesson for weeks!!! Before I announced I was pregnant, I quit college, having decided it just wasn’t for me. At the time, I had a part-time job and even that was a struggle as I was constantly being sick they call it ‘morning sickness’ but what they don’t tell you is it can come at anytime, I was sick morning, noon and night I became anaemic and had to leave work as I couldn’t cope. In between all this, I had to deal with telling my parents and, NO! They were not at all pleased. The fact that I left it very late in the day to tell them probably did not help either. Nevertheless, after the shock, anger and tears they supported me on my journey and still do today. Again in this respect I believe I was lucky.

I came from a good home but I was a wayward teenager from the age of 13 (after the death of my granddad) it all went down hill getting in trouble at school, late nights, smoking, drinking and boys ruled most of my life – a toxic combination. I was on the road to self-destruction. Looking back, I was a bit of a nightmare and many of my friends who knew me then and know me now will tell you I have changed immensely. Back then, I wasn’t the nicest of people and had little respect for myself or others around me!!

Being a teenager, I was selfish and over-confident and if it didn’t benefit me I didn’t want to know. Yet these days were coming to an end, I was soon going to have someone else to care for, someone who depended on me and someone else to love. I often wandered how I would cope. I wasn’t scared but during the pregnancy with one thing or another I was always stressed. I didn’t care what people thought about me and I adopted the “Shit Happens” attitude as it was happening to me!!!

My journey as a teenage mum taught me many invaluable lessons. For any teenage mother, a lesson quickly learnt is to find out who your friends are. Those that have stuck by me all know who they are. My friends have supported me through ups and downs, been there as a shoulder to cry on, been babysitters, laughed and helped me to have a good time when things were hard. When people have a baby everyone flocks to you to have their say but it’s those that remain and stay true that are the ones who really care!! (To them – I give thanks)
My daughter was born in August 2002, two months before my 18th Birthday. I was in labour for a total of 28 hours (I won’t go in to details but it was traumatic) and finally my little girl arrived at 6.14.oz with ten fingers and ten toes – she was perfect. My mum helped me get through the labour and I don’t think I would have managed if she was not there. My husband cut the cord and there was not a dry eye in the room.

Starting a new job opened doors for me I wanted to strive to be a role model for other new mums, I wanted to help people and show everyone that I was more than just a teenage mum. I started work based training and completed two NVQ’s level 2 and 3 I then went on to do a Social Science degree graduating in 2009. My achievements flowed I got married, started volunteering, had another baby, learnt to drive and started a new career path.  In the years that followed I was given the name  supermum by my friends and I showed everyone that I was more than a teenage mum. I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy but I think with the right help, love and support from those around you a young mum can turn out to be a wonderful inspirational woman!!!  None of us a perfect parents and all we can do is our best my daughter has turned out fine and I wouldn’t change her for the world!!!

My journey was difficult but I over came for others sadly it’s not the same the UK has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies, a lot of these girls are not in education, don’t have the support of the child’s father, family and friends and are left social outcast on low incomes in a cycle of poverty. What we see in the media today about teenage mum’s is never positive we don’t see people who go on to change their lives and we don’t see how good they are as mums. What we are shown is the stereotypical view of teenage mums and girls that live up to this which is a shame as I believe there are many that do not fall into this category whose children are their world and they try to do everything in the power to change the situation they are in.

Let Talk about SEX!!!!

17 Aug

Ok so, it’s the subject that everyone has to think about at one time or another, what teenage girls worry over, teenage boys brag about and what most parents don’t talk about. The thing that we all need to be doing safely, yes it’s SEX!

Whether you’re ‘doing it’ or not, sex is everywhere and everyone talks about it. Most of my ‘girly-nights’ in consist of wine and us girls talking about sex. Guys out there are talking about it too, just look at some of the music videos out there!!!  It’s a subject that’s touchy for some, raises eyebrows as well as blushed cheeks but I’m fine about discussing it so let’s get stuck in!!! (I don’t mean literally)

Let’s kick off with some Sex Education. Most primary schools are teaching sex education in some shape or form to kids as young as six. Some people agree with sex education being taught as a way to promote safe sex whereas others think primary school is far too young. I’m very open with my children and believe that children can be taught about certain taboo subjects in a way that will help them understand. How many parents have had the birds and bees conversation with their children? It can be a tough one, but if you have a relationship from the beginning with your child that is open and honest, then topics like this become easy to discuss.

My daughter, who’s almost nine years old, understands where a baby comes from, as she asked and I told her in the best and most honest way I could without freaking her out. However, she doesn’t know the logistics of sex and this is what some children her age or younger are being taught in explicit detail.

I remember first being taught about Sex Education in PHSE with our form tutor. In either Year 7 or 8, she put on “That Video” which most of you reading would have seen and just played it out. I don’t remember learning much and no questions were asked. I guess we were supposed to just work it out for ourselves -which I think most of us did!
I went to an All Girls school and sex was the hot topic of most lunch time conversations. Who was doing it, who wasn’t, who you wanted to do it with teenage angst – envy surrounded us. Losing your virginity was the big one! You heard people saying they wanted it to be with someone special -“The One”. Someone who they “Loved and cared for” but in reality, if most people did this they would be waiting forever! I know girls that were happy their V plates were gone so they did not have to worry about it. Of course once you had done it once (and hopefully were not to traumatised by the experience) you wanted to do it again – like a pack of Pringle’s “Once you pop you can’t stop!!!”

Is there ever a right time or right age to have sex? In the UK, the legal age to have sex is 16. Yet, we all know kids as young as 9 (yes 9!)are having sex taking the innocence of childhood away. Personally, I don’t agree with children having sex and think it’s important that if teenagers are doing it they need to know about the consequences before making the decision.   I’ll leave it up to your imaginations to work out what age I lost my V plate. What I will say looking back is…NO he wasn’t special and NO it wasn’t that great either! Should I have held out longer? Probably yes, but I can only say that based on the knowledge I have now (and none of us can see into the future) we just do what feels right at the time!

So what do you do if you’re single and need sex?
There are two things that spring to mind.

The first is,”The One Night Stand”, not very classy but if you want something from someone who you won’t get attached to and never intend to see again -then this ones for you!! (Please close the door on the way out). The second, which I like so much more is “The Bootycall”.
For those of you that don’t know what a booty call is I’ll explain… a booty call is when it’s late, you want sex, you flick through your phone to the number of someone who you know you can have some no strings attached sex with and call them! What should then happen is; the guy or girl comes round, you ‘do the do’, you’re both happy with the set up and this could potentially become a regular thing! (If any of you want a hook up I know a few eligible candidates!)

An anonymous friend of mine did this just this weekend. They hadn’t had sex for a while, no relationships on the horizon and decided to call someone they hadn’t seen for a while -who they knew would play the game. The person agreed -they had sex twice. Now the rules were finalised and  before long the booty call was on their way home! For some, this works and why not? If you have read my blog about Lovers and Friends  you will know about ‘Joe from Bingo the fictitious character who will be my booty call if in years to come my marriage were to go down the pan!

But what if you can’t do the booty call thing? Girls have a well-known friend “The Vibrator”. The little contraption that can please and tease with the touch of a button!!! (Batteries required of course). Guys, perhaps have it easier with two friends of ample size who don the names “Palmer” and “Hangler” (Hands) mixed with a dirty mag or a porn film these two bad boys can make those lonely nights a lot easier!!!

Although some of you may think, who needs another to give the pleasure you can get from a gadget or yourself without all the awkwardness? We all know that the touch of another is better when intimate with a person you have chosen. You can bring memories, pleasure, laughs and all round good times!
In the beginning, for most, sex is great and if you have a partner that has got all the moves and knows what, when and how to do it you are in for many a sleepless night. However, many factors can change this routine; work, kids and lack of time can all play a big part in how sex can become one of the weekly chores you have to do every Wednesday night (No! I’m not talking about me!!!) There are two things in a relationship that can happen to turn sweet sex sour:

The first, which can happen to anyone – guy or girl (we are not angels ladies) is after sex one of you falls sound asleep! PISSED! Especially if you were ready to go all night or you wanted some light conversation so how can this be stopped?  Well, one way is to try to entice and seduce them before their eyelids start to flicker. What I would do is wake them up! I know sex can be a workout but really…you don’t fall asleep in the gym!
The second ‘sourness’ is the sex pest. when the guy or girl that your seeing is pestering you for sex at inappropriate times. When is it inappropriate? I hear you cry. Well, if your asking that you probably fall into this category!!! Know your partner. If your partner is tired – it’s not a good time. If your partner is in a bad mood – it’s not a good time. If your partner is stressed  (No you can’t relax them by giving them one – well sometimes) it’s not a good time. Learn when to initiate sex otherwise you could be left disappointed.

Sex can take on many forms “The Quickie”, “Love making”, “Baby making”, “Drunken sex” and “Meaningless” and at some point I have done them all, but sex can be fun and whether it’s with someone you love or not there is lot’s to be learnt it all depends on what you are willing to do.
So here is something to give you all a helping hand! The top 5 sex positions in pictures I leave it up to you to work out how to do them! Have fun!

1. Classic Rear Entry, Kneeling aka Doggy Style

2. Woman on top missionary

3. Shoulder Holder

4. Postion X

5. Reverse cow girl


It’s Kicking off!!!

10 Aug

So... if you didn't notice London's a mess! It's been kicking
off everywhere!
So I thought I'd do my own piece onwhat's been going down
in the heart of London town and elsewhere across the UK.

On Thursday 8th August, Mark Duggan was shot dead by police in
circumstances that are yet to be fully revealed.
No one, at present knows what happened to Mark, and I think it
is important that we do not judge until we hear the full story.
Mark had a partner, children and a family who are all grieving.

Mark's family, like any family, deserve to get answers
about his death, so a peaceful protest was held outside
a police station in Tottenham.
Family and friends requested answers from the police
about his death, and unfortunately, this didn't happen
-tempers flared.

A witness then contacted the BBC and said the Riot,
which devastated Tottenham on Saturday,
was caused by a young female approaching the police asking
for answers about the death of Mark Duggan.
This female was then set upon by police which caused outrage,
and widespread chaos.

Subsequently, as we all came to realise, London descended into a
place where it was normal to see someone robbing the local
shop, the sounds of helicopters and sirens blaring through the
streets of Hackney, Brixton,Clapham Junction, Edmonton,
Enfield, Lewisham, Peckham,  Croydon,
Colliers wood (I would go on but... I will let
you see for yourselves.) 

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps/ms?msid=207192798388318292131.
0004aa01af6748773e8f7&msa=0&ll=51.558503%2C
-0.055275&spn=0.114195%2C0.298691

People are disgusted by the mass looting and fires to people's
businesses, homes and cars. The ripple effect has spread,
and what started as Tottenham Riots, changed to London Riots
and is now UK Riots.

Three men were killed in Birmingham and one man was shot in
Croydon as a result of the madness that continues.
Another man also remains critically ill in hospital
after being set upon by thugs.

Now everyone has an opinion on this.
Some people are blaming the government, others police and the
parents of those out there and unsuprisingly, it is turning
into a race issue.
My point is, it's not just black people doing these things.
Every race has been seen on TV looting and although on our
screens it's mainly young people seen
(News only shows us what they want us to see don't be fooled)
I have seen people of all ages and classes involved. 

One part of society blaming another is not helpful and I
believewe need to all stick together and try to help with
the resurrection of our society.

In all honesty, I'm not a great fan of the police,
but they are there to do a job to protect our
streets-whether you agree with it or not.
It's their job, they're not all racist although I do
believe there is institutional racism within the
system - but you can't tar them all with the same brush.

The people who are getting involved are just following fashion,
they don't know why they are doing it!
(One girl claimed it was to claim her taxes back-
I don't thinkshe had ever worked!!)
When it kicked off in Tottenham and everyone saw the looting,
it became a game of Grand Theft Auto - Who can mash up their
'ends' the most!!!!

I feel people need to start taking responsibility for
themselves and for their actions however,
it is easier to be following the crowd.
How many people who have been dragged into the hype of
getting stuff for free or at a discount price?
Think how many of you have acquired 'stuff' through
ill gains or 'off the back of a lorry'-
stolen is stolen..hmmm... #justsaying

For example, if you found a wallet on the floor how many
of you would hand it to the local police station????
Or if a cash machine started giving out randomly £50.00
notes how many of you would be
there with your money bag???

I'm not condoning looting at all but people are happy when
they get stuff for free! (You know this.)
The big chains do exploit us as a nation and
with growing prices I'm not surprised people took their
chances.
Like Robin Hood, the poor steal from the rich!!!
Sadly, these people took it too far when they
decided to burn down towns, started robbing houses,
local small businesses and innocent
people got hurt. One of the worst videos I've seen
is of a boy getting robbed after being helped up 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=327J3ISiVOU 

There are a range of issues in society that have caused
the sudden uproar and destruction of the UK unemployment,
absent fathers, poverty, social exclusion, demonisation
of the youth- if we had looked at these issues
sooner would this have happened???

My husband grew up in a poor part of Peckham in the 80's
he came from a single parent family and lived much of his
childhood on the poverty line. However, he went to college,
got a job and even though he became a father at 18,
he is a brilliant Dad. (With no criminal record)
The fact is, not everyone is a product
of what is going on around them.
You don't have to fall into the cycle. Everyone has options.
Yet, believe it or not,
those around you; be it friends, family or community have
a part to play in how we all grow.

One Lady on LBC made a valid point yes there is poverty all
over the UK we are not in Africa there is always fresh water,
food and we have a welfare system that everyone has access
to if they need it!!!

I have had many messages from friends and family stating
what they have seen and heard. A lot of people are scared
to go out (I have been driving with a baseball bat to
protect myself in the event of being attacked)
and although it is calming down and there is a greater police
presence anything could happen!
Last night, I drove to a friends in Norwood from my house in
Rotherhithe and back driving through areas such as
Forest Hill, Peckham, Crystal Palace, Sydenham, Surrey Quays
and Old Kent Road.
I can tell you I saw 4 police Vehicles and not more than
a dozen police so where they all are is beyond me.

I just urge people to know where your children are in
these dark days. One mother, who thought her children
were at the gym, found out they were looting the
Curry's store in Brixton!
I do think we, as parents, play an important role
in teaching our children right from wrong and to those
mothers who were out looting WITH their children
"SHAME ON YOU"!

Even though my children are still young I made it quite
clear to both of them the other day if they ever were
involved in anything like I would firstly take the crisp
new trainers they had robbed, off their feet hurling them
at one part of their body and secondly march them to the
local police station handing them in. I don't know how many
other parents would do this but I strongly believe
in teaching  my children right from wrong.
A lot of parents act like their children are angels
and like their child could never do wrong and these
are the worst culprits! Know your children. 

My daughter is eight, slightly on the mouthy side,
can be quite rude when she wants to be, likes to have
the last word and sticks up for what she believes in.
(Yes, a miniature me). If her teacher
says to me she did XYZ today she knows she will be
punished.
I will protect my children to the end of time but if
they have done wrong they need to understand there
will be consequences!!!

It's nice to see communities coming out and cleaning
up the mess and sticking together to show the
behaviour we have seen is not on.
I've heard about people protecting their areas and
making a stand ensuring that anyone who comes near will
be met by people who are serious about protecting
what they have!!

I just hope all this stops and soon London seems to be
calming down for now, I'll leave you with an African
proverb I have seen on Twitter this week...

"It takes a whole village to raise a child."

Women want more

12 Jul

Compared to most people I know, I have it really good. Roof over my head, good job, husband and two great kids, holidays every year money in the bank and generally, if I want or need something I can have it so why do I always want more?
Wanting more can sometimes be a good thing but may come with sacrifices. Wanting to strive and having ambitions are great qualities in any person, and for a man to have a woman that wants to be the best that she can be, and even when she’s at her highest height still strives on is fantastic.

But… (and this is a big one) if the man is not flowing in her direction aiming for the stars, wanting to climb mountains to be the best that HE can be he may get left behind eating the dust of the woman he loves who’s running like Usain Bolt to get to the finish line!

Although I wouldn’t mind winning the lottery, the thought of too much money is scary – so I’m actually not that greedy! I would just want a few standard things and to sit on the rest. Although I’m good at my job, I’m not really looking to ‘savage’ all my co-workers with dreams of getting to the top! I would like a new job, but I guess that will happen, when it happens! I manage perfectly well being a working mum, whilst managing to shake a regular leg but when there are too many things happening at once I juggle everything to make it work (women can understand this) and this is where wanting more comes into it…
I will always be a wife and a mother but sometimes; it is just nice being ME – letting go and being free! I think this is something that most women can relate to. When the kids grow up, I don’t want to be stuck in the house having not worked all my life feeling sorry for myself?! When my eggs have grown into big birds (Sesame St.) and flown the nest (As time is flying by like…that probably won’t be long) I want to be out there still doing the things I enjoy; living my life to the fullest and not having regrets about things I wished I had done.
The word housewife has always sickened me and fair play to all the mums that DO stay at home. I did do this for a while but as my daughter grew I started to forget how to have adult conversations and to be honest (about?) There is only so much Jeremy Kyle and Cbeebies a woman can take!!!

Having been a teenage mum, I have gone from strength to strength on the defensive trying to overcome fears, doing things wrong then going over them, trying to do them right again. I know there is no such thing as the ‘perfect parents’ or ‘perfect Mum’, and I am far from being the ‘perfect person’ and some people may think this is quite selfish as when you are a Mum you have to sacrifice things for your children but I say, ‘Do you really need to do that? Can’t we at least try to have it all??? My children haven’t suffered. My kids know if mummy doesn’t work – we won’t have holidays and amazing days out. My kids are never left with nannies and our routine is sometimes a struggle but every week with all their activities I pull it off and between 8 and 9pm I hang up my ‘mum shoes’ and turn into me. That’s if I don’t have to work.

At this time I want to catch up with the gossip, open a bottle of wine or go and shake what MY mamma gave me.
I love my kids, but I want them to see me as much more than their mum. I want to be someone who they look up to, respect, see as hard working, someone with morals, ambition, drive, a strong woman who stands up for what she believes in and will fight to be heard. I want them to see me as the woman who did it all and more. Personally, I think it’s important for children to have people that they can look up to in all respects, having a daughter; it’s important for me to show her there is much more to being a woman than just being someone’s partner, wife or baby mother and breeding like a rabbit.

I feel I’m a bit like Oliver in Oliver Twist crying out with all I have going on in my life “Please Sir, can I have some more?” Being perfectly honest, Oliver did end up going from rags to riches so maybe there is no harm?