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Three!

16 Aug

So I’ve made it through the terrible twos and now have a threenager Lord help me what with the teenager and the ten going on middle aged boy I might not make it to the next birthday blog. I’ve always said Kodi came to challenge my parenting skills and she continues to do just that.
She is finally sleeping in her own bed after if she could just get that waking up at 5.30 or 6am is not what we want or need her to do then we may get along even better

It’s been fun potty training was easier than we expected after trying persistently from 1-1.5 we gave up. Kodi does what she wants when she wants and just after two she was dry at night without even trying. A few accidents later and we have a dry baby one that says poo every time she wants a wee!!!

Food, as I have said Kodi is her own person she started her time as a two year old eating anything she could get her hands on. Turn time forward and we have food being lobbed across the room that isn’t up to the expectations of our new fussy eater. The diet has consisted of no veg, nothing with sauce on, ham sandwiches without the ham and anything plain. Now although you may think we’ll she eats fruit and meat you haven’t tried picking up plate after plate of food off the floor. If she’s in the mood for fruit she will eat it if she’s not yep you guessed it on the floor.

Constipation are we allowed to talk crap??? The fussy eaters club has caused some irregular bowel movements!!! When Elf was born I’d never realised how much shit could come out of one small being. When we brought her home we forgot that they cry poop and need to be fed. At 2am every night for the first few weeks this was the routine… She was regular and like clockwork for a few months and then it became less regular, apparently breast fed babies have less waste. I’ve been brought up knowing that going daily once or even twice is normal at age two we have a little person who goes once a week if we are lucky!!! Cue visit to the dietician and these funny seeds she now has spread on her toast to make her regular….Kodi like her brother is a keen runner in fact any time you let her down she tries to run off. We should have used reins but she would have just pulled them off. So now we keep fit by chasing her everywhere she goes. As she is approaching three she has calmed some what…

After taking thousands of photos of Kodi she now loves a selfie and is a fully fledged member of the tongue gang!! If your tongues not out your not having enough fun!!

Kodi should have been a boy she loves the colour blue, hates, dresses and loves dinosaurs. I have had to learn to compromise with her, now If I force her to wear a dress which is about once a week she wears converse. I’ve given up with pink clothes, she has the odd item but now I mainly buy blue in fact she looks better in blue maybe she just a has style. Kodi is a tough kid she loves digging in mud (she also likes eating it) she will climb the tallest climbing frame and search for creepy crawlies in the garden. She’s an adventurer with her own mind and we just go with her. Some people believe young children should not be allowed to think for themselves and although we guide her Kodi knows exactly what she wants and us hard to persuade otherwise. I hope her strong mind leads her to greatness.

Tantrums if she hasn’t had the most tantrums out of her siblings then I’d be amazed. The throw yourself on the floor embarrass your mum making her look like she failed at parenting kind of tantrums!! Yep she has them at the most inappropriate of times. I’m sat here in Disney whilst she sleeps watching kids have tantrums and smiling as I am happy it’s not my turn or my kid again! I’ve become a tantrum pro, at child three I actually don’t care yes its embarrassing but it’s not the end of our little world. If she wants to kick scream throw herself about I let her and within moments calms restored and we are on our way. Kodi is like having twins she has her good side and her bad when she is good she’s amazing a delight to be with and a really beauty. But when she’s bad shit she’s awful, ever heard of the rhyme ‘There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead… when she was good she was very very good and when she was bad she was horrid’ yep that’s Kodi.

People meet Kodi fall in love with her her elfie look is a thing of the past she has a beautiful smile, big brown eyes and cute little curls (that she still won’t put in a hair band)

Kodi likes to get herself dressed which for my st children is a simple exercise. For Kodi this means a battle of what we have chosen for her to wear against what she wants to wear! After our morning errands she comes home marches to her bed and puts her PJS back on

The journey to three has been eventful we have had some remarkable moments from our little elf princess like the breaking of the TV with the toy broom or the dangling of the worm in front of my face in the park. We have also had the most amazing moments how loving she is with her siblings and friends and her face this week when she met Mickey Mouse.
Another year has gone far to quickly and we can’t wait for the next chapter Nursery…. let’s hope she’s not excluded before reception!!!!!

Breast is best?

23 Aug

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Breastfeeding is a touchy subject mainly as we sexulize breasts which takes away from what they are really used for.

I’m not gonna lie I’ve done it tight dress stomach in boobs out, if you got it flaunt it and fortunately in our family breasts are an asset.

Known to get ladies out of parking fines the two humps that sit neatly for most on your chest are always causing some kind of uproar.

There was never a choice about breastfeeding instinctively I just did it. The first time round it was difficult and after a hard Labour her first feed was a bottle I persevered and managed 3 months fully breast feeding and another 3 combined. Second time I managed 6months and 1 month combined and this time I managed a whole year and one week combined with cows milk.

Having done this a few times I was determined to feed for as long as possible up until my little elf turned one. I also figured I would be saving money on milk that when I had my first was five pound a tin and has now doubled in price.

I soon learned this time round that breast feeding causes mass debates and people to continuously comment.

Are you going to breastfeed?
How long for?
When are you stopping?
Are you still breastfeeding?
Do you express?
It’s gonna kill when she has teeth!
Oh I didn’t breastfeed!
I couldn’t breastfeed!
Is she getting enough
It’s only beneficial the first few months

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So what’s the big deal?
It’s us other women, when women become pregnant or have a baby we turn into the a walking baby encyclopedia. What has worked for Jan might not work for Pam both us and our babies are different.

There feels like there is a lot of pressure to breast feed with now most maternity wards are not supplying formula. For women who truly can’t breast feed its a constant feeling of failure that they have let their baby down. For women that choose not to its the funny comments from others about their lack of wanting to bond. For those that are they are ridiculed in public and told to cover both themselves and their baby with a sheet.

As always us women just can’t win!

On parenting, pregnancy and breastfeeding sites the passion and tension on the subject is horrific. I have scrolled through these wanting to comment but stop myself mid flow.

I’d like to tell these ladies who are so passionate how hard breastfeeding is with three kids. How hard it is feeding a baby every two hours, how sore my breasts are from being so filled up. How exaushted it makes me feel and how hungry I am constantly. How I forget to drink water so sometimes milk supply is low, How ive leaked through breast pads and how my child feeds like a monster.

I choose not to as no matter how much you say it won’t make a difference to what the keyboard warriors currently feel.

As A woman I’d like to be supported by other women in my journey through motherhood. No matter how many groups classes and support pages there are you will always find groups of women bashing each other. When my friends ask advice I try to say I did this but do what’s best for you because ultimately mum knows best.
If you didn’t breast feed I won’t think any less of you I don’t know your struggle.

But comment on my choice and there maybe a problem!

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Waste Mums

13 Aug

Everyone always think that mum’s are the best, we know best and are the best providers of care for our children! Well I have news for you all there are a new breed of mums out there that don’t give a shit!

Let’s hold off on babyfathers for a while and concentrate for this blog on the group of mum’s I call “Waste Mum’s”

I’m not sticking up for whack Dad’s at all and rate single working mum’s who are really grinding to bring up their kid’s but it has to be known some of the so called fairer species are not as fair as they seem.

How to spot a waste mum?

Waste mum are sometimes not that easy to spot and if you don’t know they have kids you may just think they are normal girls out living life but dont be fooled.

  • Women that complain about their childs father when they are no better
  • Women who dress to impress while thier children are looking like orphans Annie or Oliver (Hairs done nails done everything did but your childs nappies hanging like it’s been on all day)
  • Women who have no interest in their childs education
  • Women who constantly swear and be little their kids (Cunts a favourite word they use for them)
  • Women who bring a number of random men around their child expecting the child to call him Dad
  • Women who palm their kids off on anyone that will have them

So why do women like this have kids? The common answer one we all know well is to trap “That guy” delibrately get pregnant so he is forever yours, us sensible people know this doesn’t work! Because if his got you pregnant he may have a few others pregnant as well. These women are then left with kids they never really wanted and take all their anger and frustrations out on them!

The children of these women are like little lost souls and though lack of love will grow to believe this behaviour is normal and most will continue the cycle.

Freuds attachement theory is based on how a mothers love and care is important within the first year of their life. If attachments aren’t made within this time any future relationship is said to be doomed.

I’ve never really cared much what anyone thought of me as a person but if someone was to be critical of me as a mum I would honestly flip, being a good mum is something I’ve worked harder for than anything else. Ensuring my children are well balanced, well educated, well mannered and have a greater life than mine is of the upmost importance to me. When I see mum’s who don’t care about their kids it angers me and makes me sad as there are so many women out there that can’t have children ready to give a great home.

Some of you may know the story where a few months ago I had a fight with 2 girls in the park who thought it was ok to take drugs in the toilets while there kids ran a mock in the park! The situation riled me so much I turned into she hulk it’s girls like these that shouldn’t have kids don’t care about them and certainly do not deserve them. If I honestly believed a child was being neglected or mistreated by their parent I would call Social Services or the police and hope they are taken away from the dreadful situations they face everyday. Working in a childrens home I know that sometimes Social Services intervention can be detrimental to a childs future, but living with a negelctful mum could eventually be the end of a childs life.

Most mums I know are great they do everything for their children and more but we have to remember there are a lot of great dad’s out there some whom are equally doing the role of mum and dad and not getting the recognition.

Being a mum is no easy job there is no handbook and most of us walk into motherhood blind, once we have a child we have their entire life to look after them as even when they are adults you don’t switch off caring continues. What I’m trying to say is none of us are perfect we can only try our best and if we genuinely try our children will flourish.

The power of the woman (Man V Woman)

23 Nov

Most days I genuinely feel like superwoman and I bet most of the ladies feel the same way, once you have juggled the days events battling your way through can sometimes be a struggle. The modern day woman does it all and more. I know I take on far too much for my own good and even finding time to sit down and write this blog every week can be tight, but every week I manage to push it through.

There is always debate about the sexes, who is the strongest man or woman? I believe the power of the woman is a strong one, but I don’t always feel that strong!

When I talk about strength I mean physical, mental and emotional. Now, I could do what most of the men that read this blog expect and say point blank women are stronger, but there would be no point in writing that, so I’ll look at each strength and go from there.

The first strength is physical, now I don’t go to the gym but I can lift the weeks shopping up two flights of stairs and have carried both my kids in their pram up these stairs at some point. I’m not hench at all but I think my strength comes from knowing that I have to do things rather than being actually strong.

My pain threshhold is low, like most women I hate pain (especially those once a month ones) but when I’ve actually sat down and thought about it I’ve come to the conclusion that a woman’s body is built to endure pain, such as child-birth and the monthly’s. Yeah the pain is bad but sometimes it’s mind over matter. My periods are usually more uncomfortable than painful and I think as women we sometimes milk that at time”s, for all we can. In terms of childbirth, yes it’s bad but when you think about it a lot of women all over the world manage with no pain relief. I managed to have children with only gas and air. Now, I was in pain and it was bad, but if it was that bad would we do it time and time again??? Even if you do go for all the pain relief offered, your body still goes through the trauma and the recovery can also be painful.

Someone made a valid point to me this week she said:

“Biologicallly our hearts and body’s are built for childbirth, mens hearts could not withstand it, but in terms of exertion men are undoubtedly stronger, our pain threshold is what gets us through childbirth not our physical strength”

A good point, women’s bodies are made to reproduce and keep mankind alive no matter how much you argue that what our biological make up suggests, otherwise there would just be a world for of men!!!  So women are strong physically because we need to be, men are stronger as they have the physical ability to be.

Women 0 – Men 1

Emotional is a tricky one, now when I was pregnant and after the kids were born, I was an emotional wreck. I rarely cry now and can honestly say unless it’s a very sad film, something to do with the kids or a previous emotion that has re-surfaced, I won’t cry. I’m not heartless (Although some may believe that) it just takes more than what used to make me cry. The things I deal with at work are very emotional, but if I let each caller get to me I wouldn’t get any work done and wouldn’t be able to help anyone.

A lot of women I know cry a lot and a good cry can release any built up tensions and let you move on from stuff that has been boiling over. Men rarely cry unless there’s something serious going on and worth crying for or sometimes not for those guys that cry when their team loses at footie. Do men not cry as much, as their hearts are cold or is it because they are in touch with their emotions? A strong man I think will show his emotions when needed at the birth of a child, marriage or death, however a guy that cries all the time is not attractive and to most shows weakness.

A friend said something interesting a few weeks ago, when I mentioned my son being over emotional at times and my daughter being less emotional. She said, “as a society we suppress boys from a young age to believe that being emotional is not correct. As children boys are more emotional but then come teenage years this emotion has been suppressed. Boys do not learn how to deal with their emotions thus leaving some confused and unaware when certain emotions are acceptable. Women talk openly about their problems and most find this easy, however men don’t really do this”.

Just because you don’t display emotions does not mean you have your emotions in check and what you’re not letting out could be eating away at you inside!!! This is a difficult one, so to be fair 1 point to women and 1 to men

Women 1 – Men 2

Mentally is an easy one for me, women over the years have shown mental strength in many situations. It took mental strength for Rosa Parks to say enough is enough and not move from her seat on the bus that day, it took mental strength for the suffragette to go against the societies conventional roles for women, to stand up for what they believe in. It takes mental strength for women all over the world to hold together their families, everyday ensuring that things run smoothly. Although it is said that the man is the head of the house we all know really it’s the woman and behind every good man, is a strong-minded woman who helps him along the way.  Women are good at having the mental strength to deal with what life throws at them, where as men struggle more with this.

Women 2 – Men 2

So as it stands we are equal, I know a lot of you won’t agree and I’m even surprised I’ve come to this conclusion, so vote below for who you think is stronger and as always share and comment.

I’m just saying he does it better!!!!!

16 Nov

Some people call me a feminist and I’m not going to lie I strongly believe in equal opportunities for men and women in all respects, may this be in the work place or at home or any other place men and women come together. Whether you believe I’m a feminist or not I am pro independent woman as much as I am for the “New Age Man” (For those of you who don’t know what the new age man is, in brief it is he who works, cooks, cleans and looks after his children on par with his female companion)

So here’s the thing there are some men and those of you who banter with me about this on a daily/weekly basis know who you are who believe I can’t cook.  The fact is I can cook I just don’t like cooking!!!  I love food probably more than I should, my eating out habits over the last few weeks have made me worried about how addicted I am. (But still I continue to eat out I’ll worry when I’m size 14 +)  For me cooking is something I have to do in order to feed my kids, I usually cook from scratch and you will rarely see a microwave meal or packet food in my fridge if there is it’s a very busy week! Cooking is just another chore for me amongst washing, ironing, cleaning etc etc. Sometimes it can be a military operation remember food doesn’t magic its way into the fridge someone has to go and get it, pack and un pack it. In between the school run, washing, afterschool clubs and getting ready for work I have to cook. So whilst I’m cooking I’m multitasking doing homework, washing up as I go along so not to leave the biggest mess, taking calls, looking at the pile of paperwork I have to go through.  Just a typical day in my house and by the time I sit down to eat I’m shattered!!! I’m going to declare now I’m a woman who doesn’t like cooking, I don’t find it fun and if I can get out of it I will.

Cue the new age man!!!! Lucky for me my husband is a great cook, someone who takes pride in cooking and enjoys trying new recipes from Jollof rice to birthday cakes you ask him and he will give it a go. How it works in our house is if his at work I’ll cook but if his off he will cook, dinners are probably nicer and the way to my heart is to feed me so I’m not going to complain!!

Cooking brings people together and those from big families know weekends at the grandparents houses growing up was where you had the best meals and times of your life. But we need to face facts here not all woman can cook and as hard as we try some of us just haven’t got it. I’m not saying give up ladies as this is not an option but I fully admit my husband (My friends will tell you too) is a better cook than me. Cooking is like an art and I was never good at anything artistic, I’ve tried and yeah I have my signature dishes but I have no patience or eye for attention to detail!

There are some men that believe it is a womans duty to cook daily for her man as this is what women are made to do!!! So why do men always brag about being the best cooks?

A few weeks ago I was told by a friend in a conversation/debate she had with a man who appears to be living in the dark ages that he doesn’t care if his partner works all day it is her job as a woman to come home and cook for him. Even if he gets in from work first he will wait for her to cook the evening meal. Cue hand in face action wailing and screaming.

Men with this kind of attitude deserve to be given dog meat mixed in with their stew, some men would rather go hungry than lift their hands to a pot or pan. There is a lot of debate about women not or being unable to cook amongst men they are saying its unattractive if a woman can’t cook, I honestly believe it’s not the be all and end all. There is a lot more important things in life than if your woman can’t cook!!! There are always going to be things in relationships that one person is better at than the other it’s finding a balance and working out what works and what doesn’t.

I was approached in a club a few months back by a guy who asked me can I cook chicken, my reply was yes can you??? This guy was asking me if I could cook when he couldn’t drive and still lived at home with his mum AND I swear he didn’t have a job too!!! He thought I was joking when I asked him if he wanted to cook for me!!! I was the only one laughing the word WASTE sprung to mind!

When I asked some males the question: “If your womans been at work all day and is too tired to cook what you going to do?”

“I would shrug and ask her what’s for dinner! Or get myself a take away! Too tired to cook what nonsense she saying she to tired to live! Haha!”

“I’d cook myself.I don’t expect it if we both worked !!!”

“What if your wife/partner died what you going to do? If a man can’t cook for his partner or kids what kind of  man/father is he?”

“I’d cook for her but a thank you would be nice…”

When I asked the ladies the following question: “Some men believe it’s a woman’s job to cook ladies what are your views?”

“I don’t think that view is no longer the case nowadays both are willing to compromise on every day duties cooking being one of them.    I think that women themselves naturally take on the cooking duties so men tend not to complain they like all that, but nevertheless women like when men take over and do the cooking once in a while, its nice when men can cook and do so when needed.”

“I’m a trained chef, working as a part time cook/cake baker. Whether we like it or not women  are expected to take lead in the kitchen and I admit as others will too, the kitchen is my domain, my space, even a sanctuary but its sooooo boring always cooking and eating your own food! I love a man that can and will cook (no my partner isn’t doin this at present) you wouldn’t be surprised that most famous chef’s are actually men… So why is it that women are the main cooks at home?
I think women cook because we got hungry bellies to feed, where as a man will put his heart into it and perfect that dish!”

It is said as women we take on the role of the nurturer, men look for women who can look after them like their mums, aunts or grandmothers who have for years. I exist only to be a mother to my children and will cook when cooking needs to be done, I’m not here to be a slave in the kitchen to no man so after a hard days work I would like to think my man has the sense to cook for me! (Which he does very well may I add)

It’s all about a little bit of give and take so men stop taking and start giving! Ladies if you can’t cook at least learn or get a man that can but know you have to be good at something else in return!! (I’m not giving suggestions on what!)

To play you out a new favourite song of mine by Sean Paul and Alexis Jordan Got 2 Luv U (I’m not sure about the cooking for you bit!!!)

We are Family

9 Nov

Love them or hate them, fight or play with them your siblings are the closest thing to you there will ever be.

I am the eldest of four and may I add soon to be the shortest of us all as there is probably less that 2 inches in height between me and my little brother who’s 12 (Yes I must have got the short gene) It’s funny growing up I really wished I was an only child! Always having to share fighting for attention and perhaps not always getting what you want as there are more than one of you are a few downsides of having siblings. Now I am happy I’m not an only child as I honestly believe having siblings helps you develop more as a person and allows you to be able to deal with situations better. Now I will admit too sometimes not really liking the whole sharing thing, when you come from a big family and you finally have something for yourself you don’t really want to part with it. But you know it’s right and eventually you will share. Another advantage of having siblings is there is always someone to talk to your never lonely and although at times they will be annoying and break your toys, (My sister ripped the head off my first Barbie) when the shit hits the fan you can rely on them for back up.

My kids fight like cat and dog but once you get over the sibling rivalry and annoying brother v’s sister war they really do love each other. It’s funny watching them grow and overcome milestones and acting in the same ways makes me realise how different yet similar they are.

Lot’s of people are not close to their siblings for one reason or another your first childhood friend grows into adulthood and drifts away, some siblings are mere strangers to that person who they used to eat breathe and sleep each and every day. Some of the most famous faces in TV and music work with their siblings the Jackson’s, Olsen twins, Osmonds, Nolan’s, Kardashain’s, Williams Sisters, Jonas brothers, Waynas brothers, Kings of Leon, Bee Gee’s all to name a few. I wonder how they have managed having their siblings there all the time?

I asked some people what was the one best thing about having a sibling

“Always having people you can rely on and even though you may argue, they will love you unconditionally”

“The friendly competition of life achievements”

“You share and have the same experiences, you have someone to blame shit on but it also makes it harder to get in the bathroom!”

“You can blame things on them and they get the beats!”

As no two people are alike no two siblings are alike although the similarities between me and mine are sometimes obvious. I don’t need to tell people who my youngest sister is as most say she is the taller much thinner version of me. My sisters have the same sense of humour as me when we laugh we cry, the weird family sense of humour that only you get.Some people hate their siblings and although we all push each others buttons at times I wouldn’t be without mine.

Mum brings them home your no longer alone,

You share your toys, she pulls your hair sometimes you wish she wasn’t there,

He makes funny faces he whines and moans he screams out when your on the phone,

You now have someone who follows you everywhere a second shadow and a spy, your sibling is like mum and dad’s third eye.

I’ll tell mum they will tell dad someone’s in trouble wait for the fall out.

At school it’s great for them and you having someone there that’s got your back when everyone else is on the attack.

Then you grow, someone fly’s the nest and things change for worse or for the best.

You change, they change, the time you spend together is valuable.

Your sister, your brother, your friend!

I’ ll leave you with this great song by Sister sledge We are family

Certificate PG (Parental Guidance)

19 Oct

Being a parent is by far the most hardest job in the world, when you have a baby you are not handed a trusted rule or guide-book to tell you what to do. Family and friends with children are always on hand to give advice and in some cases tell you what to do. But ultimately its down to you. You will make mistakes that will be non threatening to your childs growth or development, but this is just life. We are only human, mistakes are part of the way we learn and grow. Whether you’re a single parent or part of a team, each parenthood scenario faces a varying degree of challenges.

Until you have had children of your own, I think it is unfair to judge how others bring up their kids (however we all know the basic do’s and don’t’s).
No matter how many books you read or how many supper nanny programmes you watch, you will never be the perfect parent. I believe there is no such thing as the perfect parent and no matter how much I love my kids there is no such thing as the perfect child.

When you have your first child, you have preconceptions of how you want to bring them up. As you grow these ideas change, as all children are different and have individual needs. Some people want to be as good as their parents and others want to be nothing like them. There are so many pressures on parents, even more so in the modern-day, that it is probably even harder than it has ever been to work out what to do for the best. Some people think being a parent is a job you do from birth to 18, when you are not legally responsible for your child, but like many others I believe that this role is one you do for the rest of your life.
I constantly worry about my children, which includes their present and future. Everything I do in life will affect them in someway and by no means do I want them to get to their twenties or thirties and look back and think “wow our parents were bad”.
I like to think I’m a firm, but fair, mum. My children are both doing well at school, go to a number of after school activities, have good social lives and are most of the time, behaved (all kids are naughty at some point, its part of how we learn and develop).
Being a good parent is about finding the right balance, being firm but supportive, being as open as is appropriate, finding time to do all those things they want to do and trying not to embarrass them in the process.

Almost everyday I am met by challenges and the faster the kids grow, the harder the challenges become. The challenges come usually in the form of decisions in the early days, its breast or bottle, huggies or Pampers, in your bed or in their cot?

As they grow from pre-school to infant age, it’s what school to go to, what is appropriate to watch on tv and what tactics of discipline to use.

My eldest child is now 9 and so far I have faced the mobile phone battle “But mum my friends have phones!” To which I reply “Why do you need a phone? who are you going to call?”.
She then adds “My friends” the final say comes from me “No” and why have I said no?
1. Wanting a phone out ways the fact that she needs one, truth is she doesn’t. If she wants to call friends I have a mobile and house phone she can use.
2. Giving her a phone, means giving her an added responsibility and me, an added expense, phones need credit.
3. Giving her a phone could make her a target of phone jacking, if she flashes her phone around it could be stolen and at 9 she is too young to defend herself.
4. She’s a child who should be playing with dolls, not gossiping on the phone (that’s my job).

Other battles have consisted of TV in my room and appropriate music to listen to and to be honest, once I have explained why she can’t have them the subject has no been brought up again. Being able to give a good valid reason as to why she can’t have something instead of saying No is probably how I win the battles.

We always say we don’t want to end up like our parents when it comes to discipline we swear we would never do the things they did to us but for most of us the transition into becoming our parents is inevitable.

We try to teach our children right from wrong but constantly tell white lies, The Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas and the Easter bunny are all examples of how we lie in order to preserve their innocence.

Parent child battles are as common as the battles of the populars in the playground sometimes you win and sometimes you will lose, what we teach our children has a big impact on how we are viewed as parents. If you have a child that is constantly naughty at school people will wonder what is going on at home, if you have a child who runs around the shopping centre like a nutter your judged as useless and not being able to cope. This was me last week when my son shouted out in the middle of Tescos mum I’m going to get lost, ran off nearly knocking out a new mum with a pram whom when I apologised gave me a look that screamed disgust. My son wound up hiding between the ladies dresses in the clothing area and I had to carry him out. Yeah I was slightly embarrassed and I would like him to behave but his a boy a cheeky mischievous boy, I’m not making excuses he is a monster by he is more than well-behaved at school so he has to let his frustrations out somewhere. I know my kids and if they have been naughty I will hold my hands up and let them be punished parents who think there children are angels will get a short sharp shock come teenage years.(Kids have to rebel at some point)

My husband said he thought brining up kids is one of the hardest things in the world he says he sometimes finds it easier to deal with the people at work than our two. Sometimes they do present us with the most challenging behaviour but I wouldn’t change them for the world, I feel privileged to have been allowed into the weird and whacky world that is parenthood where not all are fortunate to get in.

I guess you just have to think carefully and cautiously about every decision you make as a parent days of being care free soon fade and disappear (That’s not to say you can ever have fun). Each decision you make as a parent no matter whether it’s taking on a job, moving home or choosing what to have for dinner leaves a footprint a memory that can’t be changed.

The thought of my kids growing up freaks me out what kind of girl will my son bring home, in my head I’m pleading he is not a ladies man and just picks up with the latest local skank. Then what about my daughter will she grow into a sensible young lady or just go off the rails. Will they be liked by others, will they be smart, will they marry, have kids, go to uni, get good jobs the more I worry the closer the time creeps up.

Over the last week or so friends have reminded me that my eldest is soon going to be at secondary school, we are all pushing 30 and time is not on our side. It made me think each moment you spend with your child is precious and no matter how many pictures or films you take these moments can not be relieved.  There are days when I have heard the word MUM so many times I thought about changing it, but I know in the future I will hear this less and less. Children are a blessing and for that I give thanks.

Children are a blessing sent from God above
For us to care and nurture and most of all to love.

God calls us to be parents and gives us all the tools
And when we feel like giving up, our strength He will renew.

Children are a gift from God that He so freely lends
To make it through the childhood years, on Him we must depend.

He must have a presence, you see it must take three
The parents, child and Christ at the center to be a family.

From childhood days to a child full-grown
Their joys and hurts are a parent’s own.

Times of joy and laughter and those times of tears
The times spent raising a child are surely the best of years.

There comes that time in life when a child will leave the nest
We must send them off with love and a prayer and leave to God the rest.

We have shared the Word of God, we’ve taught them right from wrong
Now it’s time to let them go and let them write their song.

The faith instilled, the examples lived, and the lessons taught
All gifts that we’ve given our child, which will never be forgotten.

There are many paths a child can take, right or wrong will remain unknown
But rest assured that in the end, they all lead back to home.

(Author unknown)

Teenage Mum

24 Sep

If you didn’t already know I’m 26 with a  9-year-old  daughter and if you good at doing your sums and listened at school (Actually it doesn’t take a genius) you will have realised that I was once a Teenage Mum.

People may read this with the usual stereotypical views of teenage motherhood and realise I don’t conform to any of them
Q. Did I get pregnant to get a council flat????
A. No!!!
Q. Are you a chav??
A.No
Q. Am I a single mum on benefits?
A. No I’m married and work!!
Q. How many baby fathers and children do I have????
A. Two children, one husband

So now we have that bit out the way, feel free to leave any answered questions at the bottom of the blog! Back to the point. At 17, I became pregnant with my daughter Kyra. I was scared, confused and knew my parents would either attempt or go through with killing me but in that one moment of madness I, like many other teenagers in the UK, took that risk and had unprotected sex.

I was luckier that most teenage girls when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend took responsibility for his actions, we were young and in love and he vowed to stand by me no matter what. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I had ever done (harder than labour – and that’s hard), it must be every parents worst nightmare for their child to come home and say “I’m pregnant” or “I’ve got someone pregnant”. As a parent, you have so many hopes and dreams for your children and when those words come out of their mouth the world you had built crumbles to the ground!!!! I was at college studying Travel and Tourism with aspirations to travel the world. What my parents didn’t know was that I hated college! The course I was on was not for me, the girls were becoming a clique and I hadn’t attended a lesson for weeks!!! Before I announced I was pregnant, I quit college, having decided it just wasn’t for me. At the time, I had a part-time job and even that was a struggle as I was constantly being sick they call it ‘morning sickness’ but what they don’t tell you is it can come at anytime, I was sick morning, noon and night I became anaemic and had to leave work as I couldn’t cope. In between all this, I had to deal with telling my parents and, NO! They were not at all pleased. The fact that I left it very late in the day to tell them probably did not help either. Nevertheless, after the shock, anger and tears they supported me on my journey and still do today. Again in this respect I believe I was lucky.

I came from a good home but I was a wayward teenager from the age of 13 (after the death of my granddad) it all went down hill getting in trouble at school, late nights, smoking, drinking and boys ruled most of my life – a toxic combination. I was on the road to self-destruction. Looking back, I was a bit of a nightmare and many of my friends who knew me then and know me now will tell you I have changed immensely. Back then, I wasn’t the nicest of people and had little respect for myself or others around me!!

Being a teenager, I was selfish and over-confident and if it didn’t benefit me I didn’t want to know. Yet these days were coming to an end, I was soon going to have someone else to care for, someone who depended on me and someone else to love. I often wandered how I would cope. I wasn’t scared but during the pregnancy with one thing or another I was always stressed. I didn’t care what people thought about me and I adopted the “Shit Happens” attitude as it was happening to me!!!

My journey as a teenage mum taught me many invaluable lessons. For any teenage mother, a lesson quickly learnt is to find out who your friends are. Those that have stuck by me all know who they are. My friends have supported me through ups and downs, been there as a shoulder to cry on, been babysitters, laughed and helped me to have a good time when things were hard. When people have a baby everyone flocks to you to have their say but it’s those that remain and stay true that are the ones who really care!! (To them – I give thanks)
My daughter was born in August 2002, two months before my 18th Birthday. I was in labour for a total of 28 hours (I won’t go in to details but it was traumatic) and finally my little girl arrived at 6.14.oz with ten fingers and ten toes – she was perfect. My mum helped me get through the labour and I don’t think I would have managed if she was not there. My husband cut the cord and there was not a dry eye in the room.

Starting a new job opened doors for me I wanted to strive to be a role model for other new mums, I wanted to help people and show everyone that I was more than just a teenage mum. I started work based training and completed two NVQ’s level 2 and 3 I then went on to do a Social Science degree graduating in 2009. My achievements flowed I got married, started volunteering, had another baby, learnt to drive and started a new career path.  In the years that followed I was given the name  supermum by my friends and I showed everyone that I was more than a teenage mum. I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy but I think with the right help, love and support from those around you a young mum can turn out to be a wonderful inspirational woman!!!  None of us a perfect parents and all we can do is our best my daughter has turned out fine and I wouldn’t change her for the world!!!

My journey was difficult but I over came for others sadly it’s not the same the UK has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies, a lot of these girls are not in education, don’t have the support of the child’s father, family and friends and are left social outcast on low incomes in a cycle of poverty. What we see in the media today about teenage mum’s is never positive we don’t see people who go on to change their lives and we don’t see how good they are as mums. What we are shown is the stereotypical view of teenage mums and girls that live up to this which is a shame as I believe there are many that do not fall into this category whose children are their world and they try to do everything in the power to change the situation they are in.

Single and Ready to Mingle!!!!

3 Aug

The weekend past, was by far, the best weekend in a long time! No, the title of this blog has nothing to do with me being single, but it does play a part of my weekend.
Friday, ironically, marked my five year anniversary and my husband had planned a surprise of dinner, drinks and comedy, and for the first time in a years,he bought me flowers -which deserves a mention! To be honest, I hate surprises and that’s due to me being so nosey and wanting to be the first to know everything!

Saturday, was my cousin’s club night ‘Kisstory’ at the Indigo 02. It’s a must for any old school garage fans with Kiss DJ’s and live acts from back in the day. (You can add the page from facebook to find out when the next one is – have to promote my cousin!) Indigo 02

Finally, I attended the One Love Peace Festival at Wembley Arena to mark 30 years since the passing of the legend Bob Marley and to highlight gun and knife crime in the capital.

Overall an excellent weekend although, at one point I did have to ask myself ,”Am I getting to old for this?” (We’ve all been there! Along with ‘I’m never drinking again!’) My answer was “NO!” A bit shameful maybe, but the saying goes, ‘You are only as old as you feel’ and although most days I feel like a pensioner, this particular weekend, I was young and alive!!! (I even got asked for ID in the shop.)

Right, I haven’t been single for ten years and being single was something that came up quite a bit this weekend. Now, although a lot of my friends are in relationships, equally a lot of my friends are single. This weekend, I started to wonder about the pressures of being single for both men and women over the age of twenty five?

Now, we all know that some women get to a certain age, panic that the old biological clock is ticking, “Must find a man, ANY man to make a baby!”) I even watched a documentary the other day about women going to sperm banks in America and finding donors which try to cut the man out altogether!

If your a guy who’s single and all your friends get partners or wives you become the friend who they are not allowed to roll with the one who is a “BAD INFLUENCE”! (Yes, this happens). I don’t know how I would feel if I was single at thirty-plus but if I were I would maybe just play the field. I have a joke with my best friend that if my marriage ends and I’m of an older age I would find a regular sleeping partner who I call old ‘Joe from Bingo’. As long as he filled my needs once or twice a month I would be happy- I guess *shrugs*. There is a general consensus between people that I know, that if your over 25, single and still raving like your 21 every weekend and most nights in the week, then you have issues that need to be addressed. Especially when the raving scene nowadays is full of young people from the ages of 16 -21(excluding going to pubs and bars). So, if I was single and not wanting to be in a relationship, what would I be looking for???
I went back to imaginary ‘Joe from Bingo’, someone who would be uncomplicated, gives me what I need – when and how I need it. I realised that over the last few years, I have seen my friends go through stressful relationships, playing the dating game and being hurt. I give a sigh of relief sometimes that I don’t have to do that but if I did have to go down that route again, I would at least know what I want!!!
I then thought about my single friends male and female alike they all seem to manage fine being single and although there are some low points at times (Who doesn’t have these!) they just roll with the punches! Over the last couple of weeks I have gone out to a few places and when I have looked around I have noticed a few things:

1. Most of the people that are going out now are under 25.
2.Most males who are going out regardless of their age are short under 5’4 (Where are all the tall guys at?!)
3. Girls are usually wasted at a certain time of the night disgracing themselves allowing no self-respecting man a chance

On Saturday, I tried to help a male anonymous friend out by trying to scope out perspective females that he may want to get involved with. The task was hard and left me feeling glad to be in a relationship and female. Girls are hard work, they either and perhaps I’m included in this somewhere:
. Think they’re too nice (When the majority are actually not)
. Are again too wasted to talk
. Have their bare feet out in the dance (Please…no… don’t do it have respect for others and bring flats)
. They are in a relationship

So pickings were slim although he did manage to find someone!
Today, I decided to do some research as I like to get my readers opinions there was an overwhelming response and at one point my friend said his BB was going to blow up! So the question was posed:  “What are the good and bad things about being single”

Good Points:
There is no one to answer to, you can do as you want and no one get’s hurt, you can sleep with who you want,
Independence, more free time and the ability to meet new people talking to who you want when you want
No need to lie, no jealousy, not having to take on someone else’s issues, no headaches, you can be selfish, you can give your energy to who you want to and not feel you have to always give it to a specific person and no getting into violent confrontations with your partner (Don’t know who this came from but they need to rethink who they are going out with!) and saving money

Bad Points
Lonlieness – No one to snuggle up to at night, go on dates with, no honeymoon period, butterflies or connection that is real with anyone, not loving anyone, never satisfied,
Frustration (We are not talking about the game here!)
Being the single one when your friends are all in relationships
Being a Hoe (Easy on how many people your sleeping with ladies and always be protected)
Lack of regular sex, sex is better when it is with someone you like
No-one to split your bills with, No one to cook for you.

As you can see there are a good mix of good and bad points. I think it depends on the person who is answering the question if it’s someone looking for love they may concentrate on the good points. Yet, if it’s someone who has been scorned they will concentrate on the bad points!

So I have come up with Five top tips for guys and girls to bag a mate! I’m not saying it’s definitely going to work but its worth a try:

1. Have a technique that you use to go on the pull (I’m leaving the way you do this up to you)
2. This ones for the girls: DON’T be scared to make the first move and guys if she knocks you back then dust yourself off and try again its her loss (Preferably not with her friend!
3. Don’t use chat up lines (someone asked me do I run like a cheetah when I had a leopard print dress on – yes makes no sense) if you see someone you like think about what your going to say -have an actual conversation!
4. It’s all about asking the right questions no point in taking someone’s number if they are not what you are looking for (No man with 6 baby mothers or woman with 3 baby fathers – too complicated stay away).
5. Sometimes you have to kiss plenty of frogs before your find MR or MRS Right. Don’t be quick to jump in the deep end too quickly or to early it will only end in disappointment!
I’ll leave you with this last line from a anon single female:

“Being single can be quite complicated at times!”

Who Runs the World????

20 Jul

I like to see myself as a good, strong, independent female; someone who is not scared to say what she thinks or feels and who is able to excel in all she does. I don’t like to fail and always aim high. I’m usually stressed because of the high standards I have for my self and my children – I want them to have and do the best they possibly can. I wasn’t always like this!

One day something clicked as a woman and a mother – I wanted more. I realised that I only had one life and needed to live it by doing all the things I wanted to do and no one but me could help with my dreams and aspirations this was something I had to do for myself!!!

for myself!!!

When women go on the route to independence (not the M1) they always get stick from everyone around them – be it men or women. If you’re a working mum; you should be at home with your kids, if you’re a high-flying career woman; you’re power-mad and we ALL know what people think about female drivers! (I refuse to comment here)

The male/female divide always stirs up some form of controversy or debate. With any fiery females and red-blooded males -even from an early age it is apparent in the way the two sexes are different. Take, for instance, my children. My daughter, from a very young age, was fiercely independent wanted to do everything for herself and was (and still is) a quick learner, on the other hand my son has always wanted either myself or my husband to do everything for him. He wants to learn new things in his own time and although now at four years old; he has developed his own level of independence …it took him a while.
Not all women are feminists, but most sensible women have good opinions on how the modern woman should live alongside a man – and preferably living alongside the New Age man. However, there are many out there that still have not been able to evolve -remaining sadly in the Neanderthal stage (also known as savages).

stage

I had a debate with my cousin last week about women and men not being equal, feminists and generally the power of the woman. (My cousin is male so you can only imagine the difference of opinions). Women have come a long way over the ages; we have the vote, we have mostly equal pay in the work place, we have some good strong women leaders in politics throughout the world and more women in high-powered roles. It was common belief (and in some places around the world) it still is the woman’s role to get married, have children and wait on her husband hand and foot.
Somewhere down the line women woke up and said “This is not for me!” These women decided to go and get educated, move into a career and do all the stuff man has been doing for years proving whatever he can do we can do! We have had the female artists that have been doing their thing helping and showing us the way Spice girls with the “Girl Power movement”, Aretha Franklin “Sisters are doing it for themselves”,  Destiny’s Child with “Independent Women”.

destinys child "independent women".

In my own house, as a working mum, I like to run a tight ship! I want to raise my children to be able to know how to run a house! I want to prepare them for when they have their own families, as well as ensuring they are well-educated and take on hobbies that could compliment their future careers. My house is the house of equal opportunities. My husband will cook, clean, shop, wash and iron just like me because if I’m at work or busy doing other things, I should be able to feel that I will not have to come home to a disaster zone washing piled high and the sink looking like we have opened up a restaurant! My Husband appreciates the fact that a women’s place is not just in the home!
I know many people who do everything for their husbands or partners, and if that’s what people are happy with doing then great but (and although I’m not religious) I will say the first woman Eve was created so that Adam would not be lonely not so she and women after could wait on man for all eternity. There is a difference between being a good wife and partner and being a doormat if your husband goes to work all day and you are at home then it is only fair and equal that you do everything in the home. (Although every now and again a break would be nice). If you’re a woman who works and does everything in the home and you husband/partner works then it is only fair and equal that he takes on some of the household chores relationships are partnerships where – if everyone puts in work, the benefits speak for themselves!!
In my view, the modern-day woman is someone with independence, intelligence and strength (remembering being educated and having common sense are two very different things – believe me, I’ve come across some dipsticks). Someone who has more to her than just her looks! Lots of guys, (and we see it in trashy magazines and tabloid newspapers all the time) go for the trophy wife with fake boobs and hair extensions with nothing but spaghetti for brains.

A lot of guys DO go for beauty before brains and although we all would like to have someone nice to look at and that will age well. If they lack the art of conversation, the next twenty plus years is going to drag slightly!!! (If it lasts that long)

(If it lasts that long)

Maybe guys are slightly scared of the modern-day woman since she stepped up her game and got all independent -singing about running the world, guys got a bit scared. I mean there are still the guys out there that will talk to anything that breathes regardless of what she looks like or how clever she is… trying to get what he can – slightly desperate –sound familiar?.
There are guys out there perhaps, who ARE afraid to take a risk on this kind of girl and maybe they worry that she will talk back too much, ask too many questions, not know her place and want them to take on more they can manage. There are guys out there that can handle the independent woman and we all know behind every great man is one hell of a great woman! These guys are not scared of opinion, judgement and change they are prepared to evolve in a way that is beneficial for all parties allowing their female counterparts to rise and flourish.
To me, guys who shy away from strong women are the ones that are losing out! My advice is don’t hide behind a man, be at his side.
I’ll leave you with this last quote:
“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”   ~Anaïs Nin

~Anaïs Nin