Drink Drink Drunk

Years ago Mr B put me on a two drink rule those of you who know me of old will remember this, after two drinks I was wasted and would become an abusive and slightly aggressive drunk! Luckily I grew up and learnt to carry the alcohol in my system without letting it carry me. Or at least I thought I did!!! After the other weeks antics a bottle of vodka later I know I’m still an aggressive abusive drunk maybe I need to go back to the two drink rule!

I fully admit to loving a good drink and now Mr B doesn’t mind me coming home drunk at all as long as I can still carry out my wife duties it’s cool. When I do drink I go in but always manage to contain myself when I’m out and probably get in more problems when I’m sober than when I’m drunk. I’m hopefully long past the days where I’m yakking in the toilet or in a friends shoe (Yes this happened once), no I can never walk in a straight line but who does anyway. The end of a really drunk night comes I go out looking stunning and usually look a mess by the time it’s done , my feet ache the shoes come off and it’s a takeaway on the way home. I’m usually not fussed wings and chips, mcd’s, kebab or bagel king will all do nicely. The pictures are put up on Facebook, I’m tagged I cringe, laugh and plan the next night out having long memories of fun times.

It is funny when I go out and don’t drink which I have done more often lately, being the responsible driver who takes everyone home I have the legal limit and I’m fine to party as hard as everyone else. The only thing about not being drunk is you don’t miss a trick and noticing everything in a room where people are just about functioning is sometimes not great. My facial expressions are not easily hidden I go into screwface mode, I get pissed when some drunk twat spills his drink on me and get irritated by every guy that asks me how I am.

We all say we drink socially so when the dentist asked me how much I drink I quickly said “Not a lot” he persists well how many glasses of wine a day? In my head I’m thinking jheeze it’s more like how many tumblers of vodka any way I just tell him maximum a bottle a week and move on. The ultimate truth is I could probably drink everyday but I don’t, I don’t have time I finish work and I only want to sleep. When I’m running around with the kids on my days off it would be highly inappropriate as the “Responsible Adult” to sip sip the day away! (Or gulp gulp depending on how desperate you are) I guess I’m what the government would call a “Binge Drinker” as when I go in I go in, they say go hard or go home and when your drunk in your own home with nowhere to go your forced to continue drinking! I don’t get drunk much as I’d actually like to but the definition of a binge drinker is as follows which seems to fit me:

” Binge drinking or heavy episodic drinking is the modern epithet for drinking alcoholic beverages with the primary intention of becoming intoxicated by heavy consumption of alcohol over a short period of time. It is a kind of purposeful drinking style that is popular in several countries worldwide, and overlaps somewhat with social drinking since it is often done in groups. The degree of intoxication, however, varies between and within various cultures that engage in this practice. A binge on alcohol can occur over hours or last up to several days. Due to the long-term effects of alcohol misuse, binge drinking is considered to be a major public health issue.” (Wikipedia)

So apparently my culture is what makes me binge drinker being part Italian and drinking wine always with dinner  growing up probably didn’t help as well as being part Jamaican which I know needs know explanation!

Drinking to become intoxicated is what binge drinking is, I don’t know many who drink cause they like the feel of a hangover, we all drink knowing if we have too much we are going to be wasted they say drink responsibly but if that was the case we would all have one glass and hit the road!

Drinking is everywhere if you think about it every Soap I watch (Apart from Home & Away and yes I still watch it)  has a pub in it Eastenders and The Queen Vic, Emmerdale and the wool pack, Hollyoaks and The Dog and Corrie and the rovers. Anyway I could be here all day justifying my drinking but the point is there are some people out there getting themselves into a right old state waking up next to a person they never knew they went home with! One night I saw a girl take a dirty drop off the bench she tried to dance on all in the name of drinking and having a good time. Being an alcoholic is said to be an illness one so bad you could lose everything I guess what I’m saying is try to drink responsibly designated drivers, responsible friend who will look after you and if you can’t do any of that I’ll pray you get home safe this weekend!

To end a funny drunk story not one of mine

“I went to Italy in April and went out with few of my friends also other friends from London including a guy that I really liked.  I got sooo wasted in the club and I was in the toilet the whole night vomiting, sooo many of my friends came into the toilet to check on me, having no idea who they were I could not remember who they were! All of the sudden I opened my mouth and started to confess my feelings about the guy that I like and how we have been sleeping with each other for the past 3 months, little did I know I was giving my confession to the guys girlfriend!!!”

OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHH

How many is too many?

It’s been a while I know but let’s roll “How many is too many?”

Let’s start with a simple maths equation, it maybe harder for some but let’s see how we all do! The question is how many people male or female have you slept with?

While some of you are still counting the rest of you can start reading and hopefully we will all get to the same place in the end!

Lately how many has been a common topic one day me and my friends did a count up and yes it’s obvious I peaked early but the question of how many is acceptable is a big thing. You don’t really know what’s acceptable until you start talking to other people if it’s not that many maybe you need to round them off to the nearest tent and if it’s too many you might knock some not that great one’s off.

Yet again the battle of the sexes prevails! The problem starts with the one rule for guys and another for girls rule, Mr A has slept with 40 girls and so has Miss B, Mr A may where a badge of honour amongst his friends where as Miss B maybe known as a hoe amongst other guys and her counterparts.

My opinions is you need to always try before you buy, the no sex before marriage rule don’t wash with me, most things we try before buying so why not. Look at the scene from sex in the city she got married and then on the wedding night realised he was shit in the sack. I know these things take time and sometimes practice but some people just are not going to get it! Imagine you have been together two years quick engagement then wedding with no sex that could be three years. You finally get to your wedding night and if he aint already cum in his pants from the excitement it doesn’t last long leaving you both bitterly disappointed! (Her more than him)

I’m not saying go sexing up every potential future husband or wife I’m just saying you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive so you at least need to give some a fair ride!

I guess in terms of time we have come a long way back in our grandparents day you courted one man, married him and had kids in the end so sleeping with only one person was normal. But this generally happened very quikcly and in those days they were having kids like rabbits so we clearly no sex was happening! In those days people didn’t talk about sex as open as they do now although some people are still scared of the subject most of us can openly talk about sex without blushing. Perhaps because of this both sexes think that being casual is norm and racking up the numbers is not a problem!

A guy who has slept with too many women is unattractive for me, these women are going to be popping up all over the place and may even be your friends (Stick to the rules people don’t sleep with anyone and then their friend it’s not on!)

A guy or girl who has slept with bare people is like a walking STD if you haven’t had one yet your going to get one, half the time your having sex you are not being safe and all that pulling out before coming shit!!!!! Please you can still get something for those of you not up on sexual health and education! (I wonder how many people rushed out to the clinic without reading to the end) As for my firm favourite “She said she was on the pill” unless you physically see her take it strap up!

Guys are less emotional than us girls so for them one night stands or sleeping with high number maybe more common and acceptable, although they are supposedly behind us two years mentally in terms of the sex stakes most guys are way ahead.  Taken all this into account I still don’t want my man having slept with all the local toms, us girls want a guy with enough experience too put us away but not too much so that when your on road everyone is chatting your business and worse still that his conquests are not bridesmaids at your wedding.

Some ladies I asked said they would rather not know how many girls their man has slept with I guess some people are not that bothered I am so nosey lately I’ve been asking any guys I’ve had a conversation with. For guys this is a big thing they don’t want a girl who has been around the block, the saying is you can’t make a hoe a housewife so the guys that I asked did not want high numbers at all. I worked out an average between the guys I spoke to A girl looses her V plates at 16 and at present is 25 if we say this girl has had a few relationships in this nine year period she could probably average at 5-7 guys. Now let’s think of a girl the same age a bit more care free when it comes to sex, not big on relationships she could average 2 maybe 3 per year which is peaking over 20. When you start getting in the 20’s guys freak out.

How many people you have slept with depends on your circumstances and your personality insecurities, peer pressure, drunken antics are among the long lists for why peoples numbers rack up. Sex is supposed to be fun and whether it is with two people who care about each other or not as long as you happy and can justify your actions, if it’s not a problem for you why should it be for anyone else. Being able to hold your head up high and not feel like you have made a mistake with every person you slept with is important, I wonder how many people remember how many people they have slept with. I wonder how many people lie? How many people is too mnay for you?