Dealing with diagnosis

Life throws at you at its will some people feel they get more shit than others. I feel there is a balance and whatever it is will make you stronger or tip you right over the edge! 

I always say to the kids you get what you get and don’t get upset and by no measure can I be upset that I was given Kodi a child who has autism! I have said since Kodi was born that she was the child  sent to test my seemingly perfect, organised she can do it all way of parenting and that she has. Often we were told Kodi has been here before she knows the drill this time round she is just doing it in her own way.

Over the past few weeks people have reacted in different ways when being told Kodi has been diagnosed. Some sad and sympathetic like she has lost a limb or has an incurable disease that will kill her by the time she is 5!

Others supportive asking questions that some maybe afraid to say out loud. Giving knowledge or advice and just saying “She is still Kodi”

Some people have found it difficult and trust me if it’s that difficult you better leave now as I we can’t hold anyone else up!

Other ASD/SEN mums have reached out to me as it’s a journey we can all relate to a journey that is tough and a journey that often needs fight! For this I am grateful 💜💙

I feel relieved that finally we can move on…. I’m not deluded it’s the beginning of a long journey however it’s also the end of one. Any parent with a child with a condition knows a diagnosis can be a long gruelling process.

First someone has to think there’s a problem, then that person has to convince others there’s a problem (This could be parents themselves) parents then have to get their own heads round said problem and convince others friends family etc Friends and family will use the word normal 100 times and then the fight continues. This is before even seeing a specialist and then everyone involved has to convince the specialist theirs a problem because there is no blood test no walk in a straight line just boxes to be ticked with behaviours that are different!

I’m happy that I can say Kodi has autism rather than Kodi is awaiting a diagnosis of autism and she’s about 150 on the list and probably will be seen spring 2020!

Before I was happy I was in a sad dark place of no hope and almost like a loss for the child I could have had that would not struggle with life’s challenges. I struggled with how I didn’t smoke, breast fed solidly for a year and gave this child the best possible start in life…..

I battled with the fact that she wouldn’t be like other children and achieve what they could. I was baffled by how she met all her mile stones early crawling before 6 months walking at 10 months and clung to the fact she was potty trained at 2!

I soon snapped out of that and remembered that as Kodi’s mum I am her main cheerleader. As Kodis mum if I don’t believe in her how can anyone else! As Kodi’s mum the fight will always be there and if I don’t have her back how can she hold her own!

I then decided to be positive and with positivity comes light. So now if something big happens I want to tell the world because you don’t all see hers I’m her guide and will tell her story. You don’t have to like just scroll past if my “My child is doing” photos and posts bore you! The truth is these lift us up and are often things I never thought she would be able to do!! Each day we take small steps but we are actually climbing mountains.

Kodi struggles with sleeping, eating, currently has restless legs often lacks iron, can not concentrate is easily distracted, struggles socially, has speech delay, squints, needs to feel pressure on her body, is often in a day dream and oblivious to what’s happening around her, she currently can’t have her arms uncovered, sometimes has anxiety and ocd behaviour and is prone to meltdowns from all of the above. Which to the uncommon viewer may see it as a tantrum! Specialists are also concerned she has a small head! A small head which hasn’t grown in almost a year. I think her head is cute and we all know she grew into her ears so let’s hope a small head is not a big problem.

Kodi needs routine, structure, to be told and reminded consistently what she should be doing and should not. Kodi also needs patience, guidance and understanding from those around her.

Kodi is also a little ray of light in our lives she is the most beautiful little girl who grows in independence daily. She has the cheekiest smile and has us laughing daily by her quirky ways! Kodi is different and different is good sometimes I wish I could join her bubble and not be bothered by what’s happening in the world.

I don’t want people to change the way they treat Kodi if she has been naughty she needs to be told off. If she is having a meltdown she needs support and if she is struggling with the day she doesn’t need people in her face! (And nor do I)

I want people to know she has autism so they can be mindful of some of the ways she may react in situations. 

I guess as we embark on this journey we are learning and everyone else is learning with us too. So if you have a question and are not sure that’s ok….

P.S Thanks to those friends and and family members who have provided us with advice and support. 

 

Three!

So I’ve made it through the terrible twos and now have a threenager Lord help me what with the teenager and the ten going on middle aged boy I might not make it to the next birthday blog. I’ve always said Kodi came to challenge my parenting skills and she continues to do just that.
She is finally sleeping in her own bed after if she could just get that waking up at 5.30 or 6am is not what we want or need her to do then we may get along even better

It’s been fun potty training was easier than we expected after trying persistently from 1-1.5 we gave up. Kodi does what she wants when she wants and just after two she was dry at night without even trying. A few accidents later and we have a dry baby one that says poo every time she wants a wee!!!

Food, as I have said Kodi is her own person she started her time as a two year old eating anything she could get her hands on. Turn time forward and we have food being lobbed across the room that isn’t up to the expectations of our new fussy eater. The diet has consisted of no veg, nothing with sauce on, ham sandwiches without the ham and anything plain. Now although you may think we’ll she eats fruit and meat you haven’t tried picking up plate after plate of food off the floor. If she’s in the mood for fruit she will eat it if she’s not yep you guessed it on the floor.

Constipation are we allowed to talk crap??? The fussy eaters club has caused some irregular bowel movements!!! When Elf was born I’d never realised how much shit could come out of one small being. When we brought her home we forgot that they cry poop and need to be fed. At 2am every night for the first few weeks this was the routine… She was regular and like clockwork for a few months and then it became less regular, apparently breast fed babies have less waste. I’ve been brought up knowing that going daily once or even twice is normal at age two we have a little person who goes once a week if we are lucky!!! Cue visit to the dietician and these funny seeds she now has spread on her toast to make her regular….Kodi like her brother is a keen runner in fact any time you let her down she tries to run off. We should have used reins but she would have just pulled them off. So now we keep fit by chasing her everywhere she goes. As she is approaching three she has calmed some what…

After taking thousands of photos of Kodi she now loves a selfie and is a fully fledged member of the tongue gang!! If your tongues not out your not having enough fun!!

Kodi should have been a boy she loves the colour blue, hates, dresses and loves dinosaurs. I have had to learn to compromise with her, now If I force her to wear a dress which is about once a week she wears converse. I’ve given up with pink clothes, she has the odd item but now I mainly buy blue in fact she looks better in blue maybe she just a has style. Kodi is a tough kid she loves digging in mud (she also likes eating it) she will climb the tallest climbing frame and search for creepy crawlies in the garden. She’s an adventurer with her own mind and we just go with her. Some people believe young children should not be allowed to think for themselves and although we guide her Kodi knows exactly what she wants and us hard to persuade otherwise. I hope her strong mind leads her to greatness.

Tantrums if she hasn’t had the most tantrums out of her siblings then I’d be amazed. The throw yourself on the floor embarrass your mum making her look like she failed at parenting kind of tantrums!! Yep she has them at the most inappropriate of times. I’m sat here in Disney whilst she sleeps watching kids have tantrums and smiling as I am happy it’s not my turn or my kid again! I’ve become a tantrum pro, at child three I actually don’t care yes its embarrassing but it’s not the end of our little world. If she wants to kick scream throw herself about I let her and within moments calms restored and we are on our way. Kodi is like having twins she has her good side and her bad when she is good she’s amazing a delight to be with and a really beauty. But when she’s bad shit she’s awful, ever heard of the rhyme ‘There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead… when she was good she was very very good and when she was bad she was horrid’ yep that’s Kodi.

People meet Kodi fall in love with her her elfie look is a thing of the past she has a beautiful smile, big brown eyes and cute little curls (that she still won’t put in a hair band)

Kodi likes to get herself dressed which for my st children is a simple exercise. For Kodi this means a battle of what we have chosen for her to wear against what she wants to wear! After our morning errands she comes home marches to her bed and puts her PJS back on

The journey to three has been eventful we have had some remarkable moments from our little elf princess like the breaking of the TV with the toy broom or the dangling of the worm in front of my face in the park. We have also had the most amazing moments how loving she is with her siblings and friends and her face this week when she met Mickey Mouse.
Another year has gone far to quickly and we can’t wait for the next chapter Nursery…. let’s hope she’s not excluded before reception!!!!!

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How many is too many?

It’s been a while I know but let’s roll “How many is too many?”

Let’s start with a simple maths equation, it maybe harder for some but let’s see how we all do! The question is how many people male or female have you slept with?

While some of you are still counting the rest of you can start reading and hopefully we will all get to the same place in the end!

Lately how many has been a common topic one day me and my friends did a count up and yes it’s obvious I peaked early but the question of how many is acceptable is a big thing. You don’t really know what’s acceptable until you start talking to other people if it’s not that many maybe you need to round them off to the nearest tent and if it’s too many you might knock some not that great one’s off.

Yet again the battle of the sexes prevails! The problem starts with the one rule for guys and another for girls rule, Mr A has slept with 40 girls and so has Miss B, Mr A may where a badge of honour amongst his friends where as Miss B maybe known as a hoe amongst other guys and her counterparts.

My opinions is you need to always try before you buy, the no sex before marriage rule don’t wash with me, most things we try before buying so why not. Look at the scene from sex in the city she got married and then on the wedding night realised he was shit in the sack. I know these things take time and sometimes practice but some people just are not going to get it! Imagine you have been together two years quick engagement then wedding with no sex that could be three years. You finally get to your wedding night and if he aint already cum in his pants from the excitement it doesn’t last long leaving you both bitterly disappointed! (Her more than him)

I’m not saying go sexing up every potential future husband or wife I’m just saying you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive so you at least need to give some a fair ride!

I guess in terms of time we have come a long way back in our grandparents day you courted one man, married him and had kids in the end so sleeping with only one person was normal. But this generally happened very quikcly and in those days they were having kids like rabbits so we clearly no sex was happening! In those days people didn’t talk about sex as open as they do now although some people are still scared of the subject most of us can openly talk about sex without blushing. Perhaps because of this both sexes think that being casual is norm and racking up the numbers is not a problem!

A guy who has slept with too many women is unattractive for me, these women are going to be popping up all over the place and may even be your friends (Stick to the rules people don’t sleep with anyone and then their friend it’s not on!)

A guy or girl who has slept with bare people is like a walking STD if you haven’t had one yet your going to get one, half the time your having sex you are not being safe and all that pulling out before coming shit!!!!! Please you can still get something for those of you not up on sexual health and education! (I wonder how many people rushed out to the clinic without reading to the end) As for my firm favourite “She said she was on the pill” unless you physically see her take it strap up!

Guys are less emotional than us girls so for them one night stands or sleeping with high number maybe more common and acceptable, although they are supposedly behind us two years mentally in terms of the sex stakes most guys are way ahead.  Taken all this into account I still don’t want my man having slept with all the local toms, us girls want a guy with enough experience too put us away but not too much so that when your on road everyone is chatting your business and worse still that his conquests are not bridesmaids at your wedding.

Some ladies I asked said they would rather not know how many girls their man has slept with I guess some people are not that bothered I am so nosey lately I’ve been asking any guys I’ve had a conversation with. For guys this is a big thing they don’t want a girl who has been around the block, the saying is you can’t make a hoe a housewife so the guys that I asked did not want high numbers at all. I worked out an average between the guys I spoke to A girl looses her V plates at 16 and at present is 25 if we say this girl has had a few relationships in this nine year period she could probably average at 5-7 guys. Now let’s think of a girl the same age a bit more care free when it comes to sex, not big on relationships she could average 2 maybe 3 per year which is peaking over 20. When you start getting in the 20’s guys freak out.

How many people you have slept with depends on your circumstances and your personality insecurities, peer pressure, drunken antics are among the long lists for why peoples numbers rack up. Sex is supposed to be fun and whether it is with two people who care about each other or not as long as you happy and can justify your actions, if it’s not a problem for you why should it be for anyone else. Being able to hold your head up high and not feel like you have made a mistake with every person you slept with is important, I wonder how many people remember how many people they have slept with. I wonder how many people lie? How many people is too mnay for you?

It’s Christmas!!!

Isn’t it funny blink and it’s gone but the run up starts in October? Yes people I’m talking about Christmas!

Over the last few weeks everyone I talk to is rushing around like nutters to get ready for that one day that comes and goes so quickly every year.

I start early; I have so many people to buy for and want to make sure those presents my kids want are not sold out. I currently have a cupboard full of presents that hopefully won’t fall on top of me when I open it. But really and truly it is just mad! I admit I love Christmas, I love doing the father Christmas thing my daughter who’s 9 still believes which makes me happy the her innocence hasn’t been lost. This year I did the letters to Santa and today I did portable North Pole click the link it’s a must for all mum’s to do for their kids. Portable North Pole

I can’t wait to see their faces, see them open their presents and be all festive. It’s been a mad few weeks with school discos, plays and class parties but the other day it dawned on me that the real meaning of Christmas may have been lost!

A few nights ago my son asks” Mum what happened to the bay Jesus?” So I explained who grew to a man and was killed by some people who didn’t like him and now he is in heaven. To which opened up a can of worms and questioned continued up until bed time!

It did make me wonder how many people fully know the story of Christmas and understand and remember on Christmas day why we celebrate. Christmas is supposed to be a religious holiday but most myself included are not particularly religious.

So Mary travelled to Bethlehem on a donkey with her husband Joseph to give birth to the son of God. They were turned away from every inn and finally were offered sanctuary in a stable where the baby Jesus Christ was born. So at my son’s nativity this week they re-enacted the animals in the stable from cat to camel and told of how Jesus came to be in their barn.

I then thought back to my school days and my memory is good I never remember doing the nativity once! Christmas songs yes but no Mary or Joseph in sight

So I decided to go to the schools church service and embrace and remember the true meanings of Christmas. I guess if you ask most people adults and children alike what things they think about when you say the word Christmas the following would be in the list:
Brussel sprouts, presents, tinsel, Christmas trees, lights, dinner, mince pies and Christmas pud!

Christmas is a big money-maker in the UK in October food is stacked in all the local supermarkets, in mid-November the adverts start and before December hits people are christmas crazy. The weather has gone cold and the shops are full of people bulk buying like there is a war on its way. I’m not one of these people, shops only close for two whole days over christmas and to be honest my local news agents are always open so if I’m desperate I’ll go there.

I remember being small and loving christmas and still have very good memories of christmas, new year and everyone being together and happy. That for me is what Christmas is about a time to think, reflect and be truly grateful for what you have as there are others less fortunate than you out there. Imagine how cold it is at present, now imagine sleeping rough in these conditions! Things might seem bad for you, you may have had a bad year but the point is you have a safe place to stay and a roof over your head!! That is something to be thankful for.

I guess people need to remember it’s not how many presents are under the tree and it isn’t about how much food you can stack in your stomach it is the season to be jolly and for peace and goodwill to all man kind (This includes woman kind too) Remember those you love, those that have been taken from us and be thankful for whatever you receive.

#DPMO

I sometimes feel that I am constantly moaning about one thing or another so I have decided to just have an all out rant, those that want to read can continue and those that don’t know how to leave the page!

We all have buttons that when pushed can make us angry, while out or go off on one and I have realised there is more than a few things that have been going down in one place or another that quite frankly piss me off!!

So I’m going to go from 10-1 with the top ten things that piss me off, some of them will have been taken from previous blogs and others will be general so here goes in no particular order:

10. Say what you mean, mean and do as you say!

There are a lot of people out there that are just hyped and this is not to be mixed with those out there that are confused. Those of you that say you are going to do something then back track, I don’t want to hear it! Further more we don’t want to know until you have done it. You all know someone like this help these people become people who do, not people who forever chat what they are going to do and never progress. Forever being that guy or that girl still in the same place not having been anywhere!!!

9. Followers!

I’m not talking about them on twitter!!! Not everyone has it in them to be a leader the same way not everyone needs to be a follower just because everyone else is doing it don’t mean you have to too.  Don’t try be like your friends your only going to get yourself into problems. Be unique, be real, be you. I’m not talking about following fashion or music, I’m talking about following life!!! How many of you know someone trying to follow your exact life movements? Just because your trying to develop in something they want to copy when they have never indicated this before? Followers are undercover snakes in the grass watch your backs!!!

8. Neanderthal Man

Guys get over it now Beyonce has sung enough songs to make you all realise there are enough of us strong independent ladies out here who can run the world. I’m not asking for a female global takeover, I’m saying we can match you in most things so ease up. Only women your going to get is breeders and the economy and your pockets will crumble if this happens. We need you, you need us enough said!!!!

7. BMT (Black Man’s Time)

I will add this does not only refer to the black man as everyone’s doing it, lateness is not on people fix up as my sister say’s running that slack and black line for the rest of your life is not going to help. I hate lateness, I hand on heart make every effort to be punctual as lateness brings stress and stress is not good. If this is happening to you on a regular basis it means your letting people down and the first person your letting down is yourself!! Fix up

6. Fakeness

I can deal with fake, hair tan, eyelashes, implants and whatever other body part you choose to super impose (I do not have any of these may I add) If your rocking these looks make sure your rocking them well I don’t want to see your streaky tans or the glue in your hair thank you very much!!! It’s cheap, tacky and not attractive. If you can’t do real make sure your paying money to rock fake good!!! While we are on the subject of fake any fake pretend friends jump off too, if your around someone for who they know, what drink they can buy you, rave they can hook you up with or just so you know their business to bitch to others KEEP IT MOVING and don’t stop when the light is red!!!!

5. I’m not a mind reader!!

Can we just start being real with each other, I am always as real as I can be with those around me. If you don’t like something SAY. If you don’t want to do something SAY. Don’t sit in the corner quiet then bitch and moan after the event, it’s not on either be real or stay silent!!! We can not read your mind you need to tell people what you want and think!!!

4. Leave the sun alone (No not the newspaper)

How many people do I hear complaining once it hits 25 degrees which it rarely does over hear but when we have our random two-week heat wave everyone moans “Oh init hot, oh init too hot” Go away no it’s not hot enough for my brown skin!!! I need it at least 30 before I’m even warm!!

 

3. People who moan about being tired!!!

Now I’m always tired and moan about it I work nights,  so half the time I don’t get that much sleep, if you aint productive in your daily going’s on don’t moan constantly about being tired when your not fully participating in society by working or rasing kids. You people sitting around being lazy claiming like we got enough money in the pot to look after you all wake up and fix up!!!

 

2. Kids

If your not going to look after, raise and earn a hard living to pay for them then you shouldn’t be having kids yes ladies that’s you too, it takes two don’t always blame the man who you know aint going to be around to help you. We all need to take some responsiblity be prepared to put in or don’t be pushing them out!!

1. Your Past

We all have a past some people never had dad’s, others never had mum’s, sometimes stuff was hard and other times it was real hard. But don’t blame every single thing that happens on your past “His like that cause his dad weren’t around” yeah it’s a factor but don’t make it your life story. Try to make the best of your situation  and learn from the mistakes. Don’t live by regrets and destroy yet another generation! Deal with things when they need to be dealt with, talk to someone, let your past shape your future not destroy it!!!

These among other things really piss me off what pisses you off??

Let’s end with a banger by Alizae and Mr Mayhem one of my favourites Don’t Piss Me Off

We are Family

Love them or hate them, fight or play with them your siblings are the closest thing to you there will ever be.

I am the eldest of four and may I add soon to be the shortest of us all as there is probably less that 2 inches in height between me and my little brother who’s 12 (Yes I must have got the short gene) It’s funny growing up I really wished I was an only child! Always having to share fighting for attention and perhaps not always getting what you want as there are more than one of you are a few downsides of having siblings. Now I am happy I’m not an only child as I honestly believe having siblings helps you develop more as a person and allows you to be able to deal with situations better. Now I will admit too sometimes not really liking the whole sharing thing, when you come from a big family and you finally have something for yourself you don’t really want to part with it. But you know it’s right and eventually you will share. Another advantage of having siblings is there is always someone to talk to your never lonely and although at times they will be annoying and break your toys, (My sister ripped the head off my first Barbie) when the shit hits the fan you can rely on them for back up.

My kids fight like cat and dog but once you get over the sibling rivalry and annoying brother v’s sister war they really do love each other. It’s funny watching them grow and overcome milestones and acting in the same ways makes me realise how different yet similar they are.

Lot’s of people are not close to their siblings for one reason or another your first childhood friend grows into adulthood and drifts away, some siblings are mere strangers to that person who they used to eat breathe and sleep each and every day. Some of the most famous faces in TV and music work with their siblings the Jackson’s, Olsen twins, Osmonds, Nolan’s, Kardashain’s, Williams Sisters, Jonas brothers, Waynas brothers, Kings of Leon, Bee Gee’s all to name a few. I wonder how they have managed having their siblings there all the time?

I asked some people what was the one best thing about having a sibling

“Always having people you can rely on and even though you may argue, they will love you unconditionally”

“The friendly competition of life achievements”

“You share and have the same experiences, you have someone to blame shit on but it also makes it harder to get in the bathroom!”

“You can blame things on them and they get the beats!”

As no two people are alike no two siblings are alike although the similarities between me and mine are sometimes obvious. I don’t need to tell people who my youngest sister is as most say she is the taller much thinner version of me. My sisters have the same sense of humour as me when we laugh we cry, the weird family sense of humour that only you get.Some people hate their siblings and although we all push each others buttons at times I wouldn’t be without mine.

Mum brings them home your no longer alone,

You share your toys, she pulls your hair sometimes you wish she wasn’t there,

He makes funny faces he whines and moans he screams out when your on the phone,

You now have someone who follows you everywhere a second shadow and a spy, your sibling is like mum and dad’s third eye.

I’ll tell mum they will tell dad someone’s in trouble wait for the fall out.

At school it’s great for them and you having someone there that’s got your back when everyone else is on the attack.

Then you grow, someone fly’s the nest and things change for worse or for the best.

You change, they change, the time you spend together is valuable.

Your sister, your brother, your friend!

I’ ll leave you with this great song by Sister sledge We are family

Hello down there!!

Do any of you remember the yellow pages advert? The one where the girl holds the mistletoe and the boy tries to kiss her but his too short? If you can’t click on the link to refresh your memoryYellow Pages

Now that your memory has been fully refreshed after stepping back in time to christmas 1992 let’s get back to the subject in hand!! I have chosen to write if you haven’t already guessed about “SHORT MEN”!

The issue of how tall men are has been a recurring theme in many of my conversations for the last ten months, previously the height of the male population never bothered me but recently I have become more and more concerned!

Why am I so bothered I hear you ask and my reason is I strongly believe that somewhere down the line a majority of  men perhaps those born mid to late 80’s and beyond were deprived on the gene that makes you tall. Now some of you may think I’m over exaggerating the situation, but it has been drawn to my attention by many friends in all walks of life that today’s variety of men are lacking in height.

I’m not exactly tall I’m 5’4 which is a reasonable height for a lady not too small and not too tall in high heels I probably average 5’7, anyway I have a perfect BMI so I’m cool. So here I am on a night out in heels with friends and this has been a regular occurrence so there is no particular night in mind, as I gaze across the dance floor and look around at perspective guys for my single lady friends (Who are all around the same height as me) I notice one thing and one thing only and in my head I ask myself the question “Where did all the tall guys go?”

I’m not trying to offend any guys under 5’8 who maybe reading this I am merely writing about my observations, most of the guys I have noticed are really short anything from 5’6 and below. I’m almost certain I have seen guys below 5ft which for me is bordering on dwarfism!!

It’s not just me and my friends that have noticed that guys are getting shorter, they have been talking about the issue on some well known TV and radio shows too.

A friend of mine has actually made up a name for short guys which she calls “Double A Double M” Action Against Munchkin Men, as it really seems somewhere down the line in Munchkin Land a few of the Munchkins detracted from the yellow brick Road and hit London Town.

Let’s look at music for Instance UK artist Tinchy Stryder is 25 and is said to be 5’3, Dappy from Ndubz is 24 and definitely no taller than 5’6. Scientifically guys stop growing in there late teens early twenties so the guys I have been seeing who are pushing 30 are not going to grow anymore and either:

*Smoked too much in their early teens stumping their growth

*Didn’t eat their greens (Or Green giant Sweetcorn)

*G0t the short gene (Pulled the short straw)

There have been a few occassions when I have been chatted up by some brave short guys and if this is your thing and you don’t mind bending down and breaking your back I salute you. I just really wouldn’t  want to be with someone that is shorter than my 12 year old brother. (Who for the record is almost as tall as me) I’m not saying that these guys are ugly at all as some of them are very nice looking, it’s just really not my thing I want someone who is able to sweep me off my feet without worrying they are going to drop me!!!

For some girls being with a taller guy is about security, being able to feel that he can protect you when you need protecting but I guess this is purley pychlogical as the saying goes the bigger they are the harder they fall. If you are a tall girl going out with someone that is a lot shorter than you can be partonising for the guy, always looking up at her and when she wears heels it’s even worse.

I have noticed that height is as touchy subject for guys as girls and their weight, last week I told my husband he was short and we were nearly on our way to the divorce courts (His 5’8 which is pretty average for a guy)

When I was in the US a few months back I noticed that there are more tall guys than short ones but I was in a place where everything is big so I guess this should not have been a suprise!

I asked a few ladies I know for their views on short guys and got sent the following comments:

“Short guys are a NO NO! The twins on Towie =Cringe”

“Short is when they (guys) feel insecure when you are wearing heels!”

“I’ve been with short guys and didnt find it most attractive however, I’ve learnt not to underestimate them as they can sometimes feel they have got more to prove so put in a little bit extra effort. Short guys to me would be shorter than myself (under 5’8) however I have now found that I actually think too short for a guy would probably be under 6ft (Which is’nt really as tall as it sounds)!”

“I prefer being with a short guy, because I’m short myself (5’2). Not someone that’s shorter than me, that’s too short but prefrably a bit taller. Can not see myself being with a tall guy. Height does matter!”

So mixed views on short guys but overall it appears size does matter whether it is too tall or too short, maybe as ladies we are just too fussy and need to accept people for the way they are. One of my friends sent this message to me which I think is a nice way to end this piece:

“I’m 5’2 on a good day anything shorter than 5’3 is too short, but love comes in all shapes and sizes and what they don’t have in height a lot of the time is made up through personality. Sometimes what you wouldn’t feel instantly attracted to turns out to  be exactly what you want. Look at Tom Cruise!”

Teenage Mum

If you didn’t already know I’m 26 with a  9-year-old  daughter and if you good at doing your sums and listened at school (Actually it doesn’t take a genius) you will have realised that I was once a Teenage Mum.

People may read this with the usual stereotypical views of teenage motherhood and realise I don’t conform to any of them
Q. Did I get pregnant to get a council flat????
A. No!!!
Q. Are you a chav??
A.No
Q. Am I a single mum on benefits?
A. No I’m married and work!!
Q. How many baby fathers and children do I have????
A. Two children, one husband

So now we have that bit out the way, feel free to leave any answered questions at the bottom of the blog! Back to the point. At 17, I became pregnant with my daughter Kyra. I was scared, confused and knew my parents would either attempt or go through with killing me but in that one moment of madness I, like many other teenagers in the UK, took that risk and had unprotected sex.

I was luckier that most teenage girls when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend took responsibility for his actions, we were young and in love and he vowed to stand by me no matter what. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I had ever done (harder than labour – and that’s hard), it must be every parents worst nightmare for their child to come home and say “I’m pregnant” or “I’ve got someone pregnant”. As a parent, you have so many hopes and dreams for your children and when those words come out of their mouth the world you had built crumbles to the ground!!!! I was at college studying Travel and Tourism with aspirations to travel the world. What my parents didn’t know was that I hated college! The course I was on was not for me, the girls were becoming a clique and I hadn’t attended a lesson for weeks!!! Before I announced I was pregnant, I quit college, having decided it just wasn’t for me. At the time, I had a part-time job and even that was a struggle as I was constantly being sick they call it ‘morning sickness’ but what they don’t tell you is it can come at anytime, I was sick morning, noon and night I became anaemic and had to leave work as I couldn’t cope. In between all this, I had to deal with telling my parents and, NO! They were not at all pleased. The fact that I left it very late in the day to tell them probably did not help either. Nevertheless, after the shock, anger and tears they supported me on my journey and still do today. Again in this respect I believe I was lucky.

I came from a good home but I was a wayward teenager from the age of 13 (after the death of my granddad) it all went down hill getting in trouble at school, late nights, smoking, drinking and boys ruled most of my life – a toxic combination. I was on the road to self-destruction. Looking back, I was a bit of a nightmare and many of my friends who knew me then and know me now will tell you I have changed immensely. Back then, I wasn’t the nicest of people and had little respect for myself or others around me!!

Being a teenager, I was selfish and over-confident and if it didn’t benefit me I didn’t want to know. Yet these days were coming to an end, I was soon going to have someone else to care for, someone who depended on me and someone else to love. I often wandered how I would cope. I wasn’t scared but during the pregnancy with one thing or another I was always stressed. I didn’t care what people thought about me and I adopted the “Shit Happens” attitude as it was happening to me!!!

My journey as a teenage mum taught me many invaluable lessons. For any teenage mother, a lesson quickly learnt is to find out who your friends are. Those that have stuck by me all know who they are. My friends have supported me through ups and downs, been there as a shoulder to cry on, been babysitters, laughed and helped me to have a good time when things were hard. When people have a baby everyone flocks to you to have their say but it’s those that remain and stay true that are the ones who really care!! (To them – I give thanks)
My daughter was born in August 2002, two months before my 18th Birthday. I was in labour for a total of 28 hours (I won’t go in to details but it was traumatic) and finally my little girl arrived at 6.14.oz with ten fingers and ten toes – she was perfect. My mum helped me get through the labour and I don’t think I would have managed if she was not there. My husband cut the cord and there was not a dry eye in the room.

Starting a new job opened doors for me I wanted to strive to be a role model for other new mums, I wanted to help people and show everyone that I was more than just a teenage mum. I started work based training and completed two NVQ’s level 2 and 3 I then went on to do a Social Science degree graduating in 2009. My achievements flowed I got married, started volunteering, had another baby, learnt to drive and started a new career path.  In the years that followed I was given the name  supermum by my friends and I showed everyone that I was more than a teenage mum. I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy but I think with the right help, love and support from those around you a young mum can turn out to be a wonderful inspirational woman!!!  None of us a perfect parents and all we can do is our best my daughter has turned out fine and I wouldn’t change her for the world!!!

My journey was difficult but I over came for others sadly it’s not the same the UK has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies, a lot of these girls are not in education, don’t have the support of the child’s father, family and friends and are left social outcast on low incomes in a cycle of poverty. What we see in the media today about teenage mum’s is never positive we don’t see people who go on to change their lives and we don’t see how good they are as mums. What we are shown is the stereotypical view of teenage mums and girls that live up to this which is a shame as I believe there are many that do not fall into this category whose children are their world and they try to do everything in the power to change the situation they are in.

On your head!

Long, short, thick, thin, straight, curly,  braided, extensions, dreads or weave! Hair is a topic that affects both sexes! Granted, to us ladies it applies more then men, but men have it hard too.

When we are born most people have little or no hair at all. My daughter was one of those kids who’s hair didn’t properly grow until she was 4 and even then it wasn’t much. I can remember when she was about 5 saying “Mum why can’t I shake my hair like the other girls in my class?” I just explained that her hair was different and eventually it would grow (Thank god it did).
When we are in our old age its the same thing for men its receding and going bald and for women hair thins. Most of us go grey eventually and for some going grey is a nightmare that is hidden by hair dye and for others, they wear their grey hair with pride. My maternal grandmother died without a grey hair on her head and my mum is yet to go grey. However, my paternal grandfather was grey from a young age so if genes play a part in the change then I have a 50/50 chance. (It could be controversial)

The battle of hair colour is a big issue nowadays with people representing themselves with “#TeamBlonde” or “#TeamBrunette”. Personally, having black hair this has never been an issue for me and the question usually asked is who has the most fun? Blondes or brunettes?

It’s funny the way we are stereotyped by the colour of our hair, the stereotypical blonde is seen as a bit thick, a bit loose, with fake boobs and generally looking like Barbie. Not every blonde is like this (Some of my good friends are blonde) but it’s a reputation blondes have been given due to some of them having a lack of self control! Blondes are seen as the girls who have the most fun but over the years a lot of blondes have taken the plunge to the darker side to become brunette!
Nothing is ever said about people with black hair (not that I feel left out) and we all know some very not nice things  are said about people with red/ginger hair!!!
It seems as though there is some kind of hair colour prejudice that goes on with a small population of people. What colour hair you have can influence which guys talk to you. How many guys have you heard say they prefer blondes to brunettes?

I personally don’t think it matters what colour your hair is but I do think hair colour is used more as a fashion statement for people to get noticed especially in the world of celebrity.
The world of celebrity intrigues us many people live there lives by what celebs say or do and hair is included in this. For some, Victoria Beckham is a style icon, for those of you who remember her as a Spice Girl will know she wasn’t always as glamorous her hair has inspired many hair trends. The posh bob, for example, was one that many ladies wanted at the time. Oh and guys, yes I haven’t forgotten you, Mrs Beckham’s other half is also a style icon too. How many guys ran out and got a mohican (even black guys) after seeing it on David Beckham?

I recall being dropped off at Gatwick Airport and waving to my husband’s aunt who dropped us off. I took my luggage to make my way up to the departure terminal before reaching the escalator – I let out a loud scream! My husband looked on in disbelief (and probably embarrassment) as I shouted out “My straightners! Where are they?! Have you got them??!” He replied, “No, they were in the car.” (Ladies…feel my pain here!)
Having straightened my hair before leaving, my GHD’s were too hot to put in the case so I decided to leave them out until arriving at the airport and then pack them in my hand luggage. A good idea (I thought) not banking on forgetting them. I ran back hailing down the car like I had forgotten my passport (best believe) and not a well-needed electrical appliance. I managed to get them and continued on my journey sighing with relief. I don’t know how many of you have GHD’s but I swear by them, I’ve had them for about 6 years and they have never let me down! It’s like a complete transformation for me once I make the transition from straight to curly.
I go through phases where I love my curls but currently I’m loving my long straight hair. I have said that when I’m 50, and without the time or energy to mess with my hair, I will get dreads and just be natural – but I guess I’ll have to wait for that.

It’s amazing that, here I am writing this in the US and everyone has good hair! I have seen all textures and shades and I will note hardly any with extensions or weave. So what’s their secret? Are we in the UK missing something so much that we are persecuted daily by the thing we are defined by? I’ve seen some bad weaves and extensions in my time (believe me). Have you ever been to a rave and seen bits of hair on the toilet floor? (It’s just nasty). Some girls can rock a great style of weave with the right hairdresser and style – it looks authentic. Others, however, look like they’ve been through the fast spin in a washing machine – forgetting to blow dry on the way out. The problem is, these girls actually think they look good!!! I’m a straight talking girl (as you should know by now) and if I was on a night out with a friend who’s weave made her look like Scary Mary – I would tell her. Not all girls are like me though and they let their so-called friends go out looking like tramps!!!

Most guys hate fake hair (well guys I know anyway). I said to my husband a few months back, that I was thinking of putting a few tracks in my hair to add some volume to it when it’s straight… He threatened divorce. He can’t stand fake hair so guess I’m keeping it natural. (Unless I want to get rid of him – muhahaha)!

It’s not just us ladies who have issues with hair though. Yes, guys, don’t pretend you don’t too. There’s shaping your hair up and making sure that your hair is cut into the right style. For those of you with afro hair, the main dilemma is deciding how low to go or how high to grow!(If you’re going for the ‘Kid n Play’ look).

What about plaits/canerows? We all know that they have to be re-done every few weeks – a month if your lucky. If you do have plaits, it’s sometimes a worry that you may be stereotyped looking like you want to be in a hip hop video! Going for a job interview and getting turned down because your hair’s to long or you have the look that echoes – ‘thug’.

A lot of people have daily battles with their hair and most of us will never find hair perfection! Hair is perhaps something that we all take for granted; we fill it full of chemicals to straighten or colour, we use heat to dry or straighten and we are forever chopping away at it. Forever wanting to change our hair, moaning that we are fed up with it but what if one day we didn’t have a choice? What if, one day we were ravaged by cancer and chemotherapy took away the choice to have hair? What if your hair suddenly started falling out in large lumps due to alopecia?
Through all its faults, I know the hair on my head isn’t that bad and when I style it right with an amazing outfit it helps me to look and feel great. I think next time you are having a bad hair day just think about how lucky you are.

Let Talk about SEX!!!!

Ok so, it’s the subject that everyone has to think about at one time or another, what teenage girls worry over, teenage boys brag about and what most parents don’t talk about. The thing that we all need to be doing safely, yes it’s SEX!

Whether you’re ‘doing it’ or not, sex is everywhere and everyone talks about it. Most of my ‘girly-nights’ in consist of wine and us girls talking about sex. Guys out there are talking about it too, just look at some of the music videos out there!!!  It’s a subject that’s touchy for some, raises eyebrows as well as blushed cheeks but I’m fine about discussing it so let’s get stuck in!!! (I don’t mean literally)

Let’s kick off with some Sex Education. Most primary schools are teaching sex education in some shape or form to kids as young as six. Some people agree with sex education being taught as a way to promote safe sex whereas others think primary school is far too young. I’m very open with my children and believe that children can be taught about certain taboo subjects in a way that will help them understand. How many parents have had the birds and bees conversation with their children? It can be a tough one, but if you have a relationship from the beginning with your child that is open and honest, then topics like this become easy to discuss.

My daughter, who’s almost nine years old, understands where a baby comes from, as she asked and I told her in the best and most honest way I could without freaking her out. However, she doesn’t know the logistics of sex and this is what some children her age or younger are being taught in explicit detail.

I remember first being taught about Sex Education in PHSE with our form tutor. In either Year 7 or 8, she put on “That Video” which most of you reading would have seen and just played it out. I don’t remember learning much and no questions were asked. I guess we were supposed to just work it out for ourselves -which I think most of us did!
I went to an All Girls school and sex was the hot topic of most lunch time conversations. Who was doing it, who wasn’t, who you wanted to do it with teenage angst – envy surrounded us. Losing your virginity was the big one! You heard people saying they wanted it to be with someone special -“The One”. Someone who they “Loved and cared for” but in reality, if most people did this they would be waiting forever! I know girls that were happy their V plates were gone so they did not have to worry about it. Of course once you had done it once (and hopefully were not to traumatised by the experience) you wanted to do it again – like a pack of Pringle’s “Once you pop you can’t stop!!!”

Is there ever a right time or right age to have sex? In the UK, the legal age to have sex is 16. Yet, we all know kids as young as 9 (yes 9!)are having sex taking the innocence of childhood away. Personally, I don’t agree with children having sex and think it’s important that if teenagers are doing it they need to know about the consequences before making the decision.   I’ll leave it up to your imaginations to work out what age I lost my V plate. What I will say looking back is…NO he wasn’t special and NO it wasn’t that great either! Should I have held out longer? Probably yes, but I can only say that based on the knowledge I have now (and none of us can see into the future) we just do what feels right at the time!

So what do you do if you’re single and need sex?
There are two things that spring to mind.

The first is,”The One Night Stand”, not very classy but if you want something from someone who you won’t get attached to and never intend to see again -then this ones for you!! (Please close the door on the way out). The second, which I like so much more is “The Bootycall”.
For those of you that don’t know what a booty call is I’ll explain… a booty call is when it’s late, you want sex, you flick through your phone to the number of someone who you know you can have some no strings attached sex with and call them! What should then happen is; the guy or girl comes round, you ‘do the do’, you’re both happy with the set up and this could potentially become a regular thing! (If any of you want a hook up I know a few eligible candidates!)

An anonymous friend of mine did this just this weekend. They hadn’t had sex for a while, no relationships on the horizon and decided to call someone they hadn’t seen for a while -who they knew would play the game. The person agreed -they had sex twice. Now the rules were finalised and  before long the booty call was on their way home! For some, this works and why not? If you have read my blog about Lovers and Friends  you will know about ‘Joe from Bingo the fictitious character who will be my booty call if in years to come my marriage were to go down the pan!

But what if you can’t do the booty call thing? Girls have a well-known friend “The Vibrator”. The little contraption that can please and tease with the touch of a button!!! (Batteries required of course). Guys, perhaps have it easier with two friends of ample size who don the names “Palmer” and “Hangler” (Hands) mixed with a dirty mag or a porn film these two bad boys can make those lonely nights a lot easier!!!

Although some of you may think, who needs another to give the pleasure you can get from a gadget or yourself without all the awkwardness? We all know that the touch of another is better when intimate with a person you have chosen. You can bring memories, pleasure, laughs and all round good times!
In the beginning, for most, sex is great and if you have a partner that has got all the moves and knows what, when and how to do it you are in for many a sleepless night. However, many factors can change this routine; work, kids and lack of time can all play a big part in how sex can become one of the weekly chores you have to do every Wednesday night (No! I’m not talking about me!!!) There are two things in a relationship that can happen to turn sweet sex sour:

The first, which can happen to anyone – guy or girl (we are not angels ladies) is after sex one of you falls sound asleep! PISSED! Especially if you were ready to go all night or you wanted some light conversation so how can this be stopped?  Well, one way is to try to entice and seduce them before their eyelids start to flicker. What I would do is wake them up! I know sex can be a workout but really…you don’t fall asleep in the gym!
The second ‘sourness’ is the sex pest. when the guy or girl that your seeing is pestering you for sex at inappropriate times. When is it inappropriate? I hear you cry. Well, if your asking that you probably fall into this category!!! Know your partner. If your partner is tired – it’s not a good time. If your partner is in a bad mood – it’s not a good time. If your partner is stressed  (No you can’t relax them by giving them one – well sometimes) it’s not a good time. Learn when to initiate sex otherwise you could be left disappointed.

Sex can take on many forms “The Quickie”, “Love making”, “Baby making”, “Drunken sex” and “Meaningless” and at some point I have done them all, but sex can be fun and whether it’s with someone you love or not there is lot’s to be learnt it all depends on what you are willing to do.
So here is something to give you all a helping hand! The top 5 sex positions in pictures I leave it up to you to work out how to do them! Have fun!

1. Classic Rear Entry, Kneeling aka Doggy Style

2. Woman on top missionary

3. Shoulder Holder

4. Postion X

5. Reverse cow girl