Teenage Mum

If you didn’t already know I’m 26 with a  9-year-old  daughter and if you good at doing your sums and listened at school (Actually it doesn’t take a genius) you will have realised that I was once a Teenage Mum.

People may read this with the usual stereotypical views of teenage motherhood and realise I don’t conform to any of them
Q. Did I get pregnant to get a council flat????
A. No!!!
Q. Are you a chav??
A.No
Q. Am I a single mum on benefits?
A. No I’m married and work!!
Q. How many baby fathers and children do I have????
A. Two children, one husband

So now we have that bit out the way, feel free to leave any answered questions at the bottom of the blog! Back to the point. At 17, I became pregnant with my daughter Kyra. I was scared, confused and knew my parents would either attempt or go through with killing me but in that one moment of madness I, like many other teenagers in the UK, took that risk and had unprotected sex.

I was luckier that most teenage girls when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend took responsibility for his actions, we were young and in love and he vowed to stand by me no matter what. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I had ever done (harder than labour – and that’s hard), it must be every parents worst nightmare for their child to come home and say “I’m pregnant” or “I’ve got someone pregnant”. As a parent, you have so many hopes and dreams for your children and when those words come out of their mouth the world you had built crumbles to the ground!!!! I was at college studying Travel and Tourism with aspirations to travel the world. What my parents didn’t know was that I hated college! The course I was on was not for me, the girls were becoming a clique and I hadn’t attended a lesson for weeks!!! Before I announced I was pregnant, I quit college, having decided it just wasn’t for me. At the time, I had a part-time job and even that was a struggle as I was constantly being sick they call it ‘morning sickness’ but what they don’t tell you is it can come at anytime, I was sick morning, noon and night I became anaemic and had to leave work as I couldn’t cope. In between all this, I had to deal with telling my parents and, NO! They were not at all pleased. The fact that I left it very late in the day to tell them probably did not help either. Nevertheless, after the shock, anger and tears they supported me on my journey and still do today. Again in this respect I believe I was lucky.

I came from a good home but I was a wayward teenager from the age of 13 (after the death of my granddad) it all went down hill getting in trouble at school, late nights, smoking, drinking and boys ruled most of my life – a toxic combination. I was on the road to self-destruction. Looking back, I was a bit of a nightmare and many of my friends who knew me then and know me now will tell you I have changed immensely. Back then, I wasn’t the nicest of people and had little respect for myself or others around me!!

Being a teenager, I was selfish and over-confident and if it didn’t benefit me I didn’t want to know. Yet these days were coming to an end, I was soon going to have someone else to care for, someone who depended on me and someone else to love. I often wandered how I would cope. I wasn’t scared but during the pregnancy with one thing or another I was always stressed. I didn’t care what people thought about me and I adopted the “Shit Happens” attitude as it was happening to me!!!

My journey as a teenage mum taught me many invaluable lessons. For any teenage mother, a lesson quickly learnt is to find out who your friends are. Those that have stuck by me all know who they are. My friends have supported me through ups and downs, been there as a shoulder to cry on, been babysitters, laughed and helped me to have a good time when things were hard. When people have a baby everyone flocks to you to have their say but it’s those that remain and stay true that are the ones who really care!! (To them – I give thanks)
My daughter was born in August 2002, two months before my 18th Birthday. I was in labour for a total of 28 hours (I won’t go in to details but it was traumatic) and finally my little girl arrived at 6.14.oz with ten fingers and ten toes – she was perfect. My mum helped me get through the labour and I don’t think I would have managed if she was not there. My husband cut the cord and there was not a dry eye in the room.

Starting a new job opened doors for me I wanted to strive to be a role model for other new mums, I wanted to help people and show everyone that I was more than just a teenage mum. I started work based training and completed two NVQ’s level 2 and 3 I then went on to do a Social Science degree graduating in 2009. My achievements flowed I got married, started volunteering, had another baby, learnt to drive and started a new career path.  In the years that followed I was given the name  supermum by my friends and I showed everyone that I was more than a teenage mum. I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy but I think with the right help, love and support from those around you a young mum can turn out to be a wonderful inspirational woman!!!  None of us a perfect parents and all we can do is our best my daughter has turned out fine and I wouldn’t change her for the world!!!

My journey was difficult but I over came for others sadly it’s not the same the UK has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies, a lot of these girls are not in education, don’t have the support of the child’s father, family and friends and are left social outcast on low incomes in a cycle of poverty. What we see in the media today about teenage mum’s is never positive we don’t see people who go on to change their lives and we don’t see how good they are as mums. What we are shown is the stereotypical view of teenage mums and girls that live up to this which is a shame as I believe there are many that do not fall into this category whose children are their world and they try to do everything in the power to change the situation they are in.

Let Talk about SEX!!!!

Ok so, it’s the subject that everyone has to think about at one time or another, what teenage girls worry over, teenage boys brag about and what most parents don’t talk about. The thing that we all need to be doing safely, yes it’s SEX!

Whether you’re ‘doing it’ or not, sex is everywhere and everyone talks about it. Most of my ‘girly-nights’ in consist of wine and us girls talking about sex. Guys out there are talking about it too, just look at some of the music videos out there!!!  It’s a subject that’s touchy for some, raises eyebrows as well as blushed cheeks but I’m fine about discussing it so let’s get stuck in!!! (I don’t mean literally)

Let’s kick off with some Sex Education. Most primary schools are teaching sex education in some shape or form to kids as young as six. Some people agree with sex education being taught as a way to promote safe sex whereas others think primary school is far too young. I’m very open with my children and believe that children can be taught about certain taboo subjects in a way that will help them understand. How many parents have had the birds and bees conversation with their children? It can be a tough one, but if you have a relationship from the beginning with your child that is open and honest, then topics like this become easy to discuss.

My daughter, who’s almost nine years old, understands where a baby comes from, as she asked and I told her in the best and most honest way I could without freaking her out. However, she doesn’t know the logistics of sex and this is what some children her age or younger are being taught in explicit detail.

I remember first being taught about Sex Education in PHSE with our form tutor. In either Year 7 or 8, she put on “That Video” which most of you reading would have seen and just played it out. I don’t remember learning much and no questions were asked. I guess we were supposed to just work it out for ourselves -which I think most of us did!
I went to an All Girls school and sex was the hot topic of most lunch time conversations. Who was doing it, who wasn’t, who you wanted to do it with teenage angst – envy surrounded us. Losing your virginity was the big one! You heard people saying they wanted it to be with someone special -“The One”. Someone who they “Loved and cared for” but in reality, if most people did this they would be waiting forever! I know girls that were happy their V plates were gone so they did not have to worry about it. Of course once you had done it once (and hopefully were not to traumatised by the experience) you wanted to do it again – like a pack of Pringle’s “Once you pop you can’t stop!!!”

Is there ever a right time or right age to have sex? In the UK, the legal age to have sex is 16. Yet, we all know kids as young as 9 (yes 9!)are having sex taking the innocence of childhood away. Personally, I don’t agree with children having sex and think it’s important that if teenagers are doing it they need to know about the consequences before making the decision.   I’ll leave it up to your imaginations to work out what age I lost my V plate. What I will say looking back is…NO he wasn’t special and NO it wasn’t that great either! Should I have held out longer? Probably yes, but I can only say that based on the knowledge I have now (and none of us can see into the future) we just do what feels right at the time!

So what do you do if you’re single and need sex?
There are two things that spring to mind.

The first is,”The One Night Stand”, not very classy but if you want something from someone who you won’t get attached to and never intend to see again -then this ones for you!! (Please close the door on the way out). The second, which I like so much more is “The Bootycall”.
For those of you that don’t know what a booty call is I’ll explain… a booty call is when it’s late, you want sex, you flick through your phone to the number of someone who you know you can have some no strings attached sex with and call them! What should then happen is; the guy or girl comes round, you ‘do the do’, you’re both happy with the set up and this could potentially become a regular thing! (If any of you want a hook up I know a few eligible candidates!)

An anonymous friend of mine did this just this weekend. They hadn’t had sex for a while, no relationships on the horizon and decided to call someone they hadn’t seen for a while -who they knew would play the game. The person agreed -they had sex twice. Now the rules were finalised and  before long the booty call was on their way home! For some, this works and why not? If you have read my blog about Lovers and Friends  you will know about ‘Joe from Bingo the fictitious character who will be my booty call if in years to come my marriage were to go down the pan!

But what if you can’t do the booty call thing? Girls have a well-known friend “The Vibrator”. The little contraption that can please and tease with the touch of a button!!! (Batteries required of course). Guys, perhaps have it easier with two friends of ample size who don the names “Palmer” and “Hangler” (Hands) mixed with a dirty mag or a porn film these two bad boys can make those lonely nights a lot easier!!!

Although some of you may think, who needs another to give the pleasure you can get from a gadget or yourself without all the awkwardness? We all know that the touch of another is better when intimate with a person you have chosen. You can bring memories, pleasure, laughs and all round good times!
In the beginning, for most, sex is great and if you have a partner that has got all the moves and knows what, when and how to do it you are in for many a sleepless night. However, many factors can change this routine; work, kids and lack of time can all play a big part in how sex can become one of the weekly chores you have to do every Wednesday night (No! I’m not talking about me!!!) There are two things in a relationship that can happen to turn sweet sex sour:

The first, which can happen to anyone – guy or girl (we are not angels ladies) is after sex one of you falls sound asleep! PISSED! Especially if you were ready to go all night or you wanted some light conversation so how can this be stopped?  Well, one way is to try to entice and seduce them before their eyelids start to flicker. What I would do is wake them up! I know sex can be a workout but really…you don’t fall asleep in the gym!
The second ‘sourness’ is the sex pest. when the guy or girl that your seeing is pestering you for sex at inappropriate times. When is it inappropriate? I hear you cry. Well, if your asking that you probably fall into this category!!! Know your partner. If your partner is tired – it’s not a good time. If your partner is in a bad mood – it’s not a good time. If your partner is stressed  (No you can’t relax them by giving them one – well sometimes) it’s not a good time. Learn when to initiate sex otherwise you could be left disappointed.

Sex can take on many forms “The Quickie”, “Love making”, “Baby making”, “Drunken sex” and “Meaningless” and at some point I have done them all, but sex can be fun and whether it’s with someone you love or not there is lot’s to be learnt it all depends on what you are willing to do.
So here is something to give you all a helping hand! The top 5 sex positions in pictures I leave it up to you to work out how to do them! Have fun!

1. Classic Rear Entry, Kneeling aka Doggy Style

2. Woman on top missionary

3. Shoulder Holder

4. Postion X

5. Reverse cow girl