#DPMO

I sometimes feel that I am constantly moaning about one thing or another so I have decided to just have an all out rant, those that want to read can continue and those that don’t know how to leave the page!

We all have buttons that when pushed can make us angry, while out or go off on one and I have realised there is more than a few things that have been going down in one place or another that quite frankly piss me off!!

So I’m going to go from 10-1 with the top ten things that piss me off, some of them will have been taken from previous blogs and others will be general so here goes in no particular order:

10. Say what you mean, mean and do as you say!

There are a lot of people out there that are just hyped and this is not to be mixed with those out there that are confused. Those of you that say you are going to do something then back track, I don’t want to hear it! Further more we don’t want to know until you have done it. You all know someone like this help these people become people who do, not people who forever chat what they are going to do and never progress. Forever being that guy or that girl still in the same place not having been anywhere!!!

9. Followers!

I’m not talking about them on twitter!!! Not everyone has it in them to be a leader the same way not everyone needs to be a follower just because everyone else is doing it don’t mean you have to too.  Don’t try be like your friends your only going to get yourself into problems. Be unique, be real, be you. I’m not talking about following fashion or music, I’m talking about following life!!! How many of you know someone trying to follow your exact life movements? Just because your trying to develop in something they want to copy when they have never indicated this before? Followers are undercover snakes in the grass watch your backs!!!

8. Neanderthal Man

Guys get over it now Beyonce has sung enough songs to make you all realise there are enough of us strong independent ladies out here who can run the world. I’m not asking for a female global takeover, I’m saying we can match you in most things so ease up. Only women your going to get is breeders and the economy and your pockets will crumble if this happens. We need you, you need us enough said!!!!

7. BMT (Black Man’s Time)

I will add this does not only refer to the black man as everyone’s doing it, lateness is not on people fix up as my sister say’s running that slack and black line for the rest of your life is not going to help. I hate lateness, I hand on heart make every effort to be punctual as lateness brings stress and stress is not good. If this is happening to you on a regular basis it means your letting people down and the first person your letting down is yourself!! Fix up

6. Fakeness

I can deal with fake, hair tan, eyelashes, implants and whatever other body part you choose to super impose (I do not have any of these may I add) If your rocking these looks make sure your rocking them well I don’t want to see your streaky tans or the glue in your hair thank you very much!!! It’s cheap, tacky and not attractive. If you can’t do real make sure your paying money to rock fake good!!! While we are on the subject of fake any fake pretend friends jump off too, if your around someone for who they know, what drink they can buy you, rave they can hook you up with or just so you know their business to bitch to others KEEP IT MOVING and don’t stop when the light is red!!!!

5. I’m not a mind reader!!

Can we just start being real with each other, I am always as real as I can be with those around me. If you don’t like something SAY. If you don’t want to do something SAY. Don’t sit in the corner quiet then bitch and moan after the event, it’s not on either be real or stay silent!!! We can not read your mind you need to tell people what you want and think!!!

4. Leave the sun alone (No not the newspaper)

How many people do I hear complaining once it hits 25 degrees which it rarely does over hear but when we have our random two-week heat wave everyone moans “Oh init hot, oh init too hot” Go away no it’s not hot enough for my brown skin!!! I need it at least 30 before I’m even warm!!

 

3. People who moan about being tired!!!

Now I’m always tired and moan about it I work nights,  so half the time I don’t get that much sleep, if you aint productive in your daily going’s on don’t moan constantly about being tired when your not fully participating in society by working or rasing kids. You people sitting around being lazy claiming like we got enough money in the pot to look after you all wake up and fix up!!!

 

2. Kids

If your not going to look after, raise and earn a hard living to pay for them then you shouldn’t be having kids yes ladies that’s you too, it takes two don’t always blame the man who you know aint going to be around to help you. We all need to take some responsiblity be prepared to put in or don’t be pushing them out!!

1. Your Past

We all have a past some people never had dad’s, others never had mum’s, sometimes stuff was hard and other times it was real hard. But don’t blame every single thing that happens on your past “His like that cause his dad weren’t around” yeah it’s a factor but don’t make it your life story. Try to make the best of your situation  and learn from the mistakes. Don’t live by regrets and destroy yet another generation! Deal with things when they need to be dealt with, talk to someone, let your past shape your future not destroy it!!!

These among other things really piss me off what pisses you off??

Let’s end with a banger by Alizae and Mr Mayhem one of my favourites Don’t Piss Me Off

All Mixed Up

One day this week I was sitting on my laptop filling out one of those equal ops forms for a job I was applying for, as I scrolled down to the bit where you have to cross what race you are and instantly felt my blood boil. Last time I looked I was mixed race my Mum is white British with European roots and my Dad is black British with Caribbean roots. This form made it seem like my race had been wiped out by mass genocide, leaving me with two options to tick other black or other!! I refused to tick either and left the boxes blank, those of you who know me know this is a touch subject for me!

I’m not black other and I’m not other I’m MIXED RACE!!

It would be nice if there was a box to cross that said mixed race and on most equal ops forms there are. My children are fully mixed race, as they have two mixed race parents they don’t even fall into the white and black category. How would they explain this on this type of form??? From a very young age I explained to my children their race so that they understood and always feel comfortable within their skin as they are MIXED RACE!

Over the last 20 or so years particularly in the 80’s there was a mass mix of races coming together and forming relationships black and white, white and asian, asian and black, white and chinese the list is endless. Most people assume when you talk about mixed race it is just black and white but there are lot’s of different races that mix where a person chooses confidently to define themselves as mixed race.

Being mixed race growing up in the 80’s and 90’s wasn’t easy. In the 80’s the phrase mixed race didn’t really exist in main stream society so the term “Half Caste” was used a term that never fitted right with me, I always felt that it meant half of something and half of nothing which makes no sense.

Being mixed race in the early years of school made you stand out with tough bushy hair and a white mum taking you to school some people didn’t understand how your skin could be brown. When the spice girls first came out it was cool to have crazy hair and look like Mel B which I guess from then on meant being different wasn’t so bad. In my teens it was a bit more different not black enough for the black girls and not white enough for the white ones luckily I found my own way and guess looking back I always fitted in the middle. Now knowing a lot of mixed race people I understand I’m not the only one that faced daily struggles figthing to stay true to myself a family member told me this story which just goes to show how some people how untrue to themselves people really are:

At my school,(A now well known footballer) when were like 13/14 (he was a year older)….  came up to us in our tutor room on a break and asked me and two friends what race we were or ‘what colour are your mum and dad?’ … I think he is mixed race. Anyway, he asked My friend (his mum is mixed and his dad black), so he told him… “cool”… then he asked my other friend- who’s dad is white and mum black. He lied and said ‘redskin’ dad and black mum. So anyway, I told the truth.. (white mum, black dad) and he said “SELL OUT!”

When people ask what colour I am I say “I am MIXED RACE”  I’m proud to be the colour I am, in some places over the world they do not recognise the race for example in the USA they have a black president (Who has a white mum he is mixed race) and in the UK media they are always mistaken mixed race people for black people.

I can relate to those who are mixed race that identify themselves as black maybe it’s the easier option, people always ask where are you from and when you try to explain it gets difficult (I’m part British, Italian, Polish and Jamaican it’s confusing I know). Bottom line is I am two races intertwined I will not say I’m black just to fit in forsaking my mother and heritage I’m MIXED RACE!!!

Some will say it doesn’t matter that your half white if someones going to be rascist to you it’s because you have black in you!!! I still say I’m MIXED RACE!!! A race formed of few but now with a UK population of over 1 million we are vastly increasing in size . The one thing I find special about being mixed race is that it is the only race that fully unites two seperate races taking away racial barriers. I know a lot of people find it hard being mixed race especially those that are brought up in single parent families who don’t fully have the best of both worlds when in comes to their race, culture and heritage. Having a parent who finds it difficult to manage your tough hair or can’t help you identify with your roots, yeah it’s difficult but it’s a journey we face to find out who we really are!!

In Brazil where a majority of the population are mixed race they celebrate every year on the 27th June mixed race day, all over the world there are some great and very influential mixed race people alive and passed which include Barack Obama, Bob Marley, Rio Ferdinand, Mariah Carey, Halle Berry, Craig David, Thandie Newton, Nicole Scherzinger, Gok Wan, Drake and Kelly Holmes. (So many couldn’t name them all) So I’m very proud to be MIXED RACE are you? I’m mixed race and proud

This week is also mixed race week where the talents of mixed race people are being celebrated.

When I took my kids to dulwich park a few years ago it dawned on me as I sat watching The Punch and Judy show just how many of us there actually are, Dulwich a seamilngly posh area was full of mixed race couples and their mixed race children. As i watched the show I realised 95% of the children sitting around me were mixed race times have moved on since I was a child. But I guess like everything in this world with progress we take two steps back!  I will leave you with the following poem from John Agard which I think most people who are mixed race can relate to on his distaste in the being called half caste a poem about asserting your identity

Excuse me
standing on one leg
I’m half-caste.

Explain yuself
wha yu mean
when yu say half-caste
yu mean when Picasso
mix red an green
is a half-caste canvas?
explain yuself
wha yu mean
when yu say half-caste
yu mean when light an shadow
mix in de sky
is a half-caste weather?
well in dat case
england weather
nearly always half-caste
in fact some o dem cloud
half-caste till dem overcast
so spiteful dem don’t want de sun pass
ah rass?
explain yuself
wha yu mean
when yu say half-caste
yu mean tchaikovsky
sit down at dah piano
an mix a black key
wid a white key
is a half-caste symphony?

Explain yuself
wha yu mean
Ah listening to yu wid de keen
half of mih ear
Ah looking at yu wid de keen
half of mih eye
an when I’m introduced to yu
I’m sure you’ll understand
why I offer yu half-a-hand
an when I sleep at night
I close half-a-eye
consequently when I dream
I dream half-a-dream
an when moon begin to glow
I half-caste human being
cast half-a-shadow
but yu must come back tomorrow
wid de whole of yu eye
an de whole of yu ear
an de whole of yu mind.

an I will tell yu
de other half
of my story.

On your head!

Long, short, thick, thin, straight, curly,  braided, extensions, dreads or weave! Hair is a topic that affects both sexes! Granted, to us ladies it applies more then men, but men have it hard too.

When we are born most people have little or no hair at all. My daughter was one of those kids who’s hair didn’t properly grow until she was 4 and even then it wasn’t much. I can remember when she was about 5 saying “Mum why can’t I shake my hair like the other girls in my class?” I just explained that her hair was different and eventually it would grow (Thank god it did).
When we are in our old age its the same thing for men its receding and going bald and for women hair thins. Most of us go grey eventually and for some going grey is a nightmare that is hidden by hair dye and for others, they wear their grey hair with pride. My maternal grandmother died without a grey hair on her head and my mum is yet to go grey. However, my paternal grandfather was grey from a young age so if genes play a part in the change then I have a 50/50 chance. (It could be controversial)

The battle of hair colour is a big issue nowadays with people representing themselves with “#TeamBlonde” or “#TeamBrunette”. Personally, having black hair this has never been an issue for me and the question usually asked is who has the most fun? Blondes or brunettes?

It’s funny the way we are stereotyped by the colour of our hair, the stereotypical blonde is seen as a bit thick, a bit loose, with fake boobs and generally looking like Barbie. Not every blonde is like this (Some of my good friends are blonde) but it’s a reputation blondes have been given due to some of them having a lack of self control! Blondes are seen as the girls who have the most fun but over the years a lot of blondes have taken the plunge to the darker side to become brunette!
Nothing is ever said about people with black hair (not that I feel left out) and we all know some very not nice things  are said about people with red/ginger hair!!!
It seems as though there is some kind of hair colour prejudice that goes on with a small population of people. What colour hair you have can influence which guys talk to you. How many guys have you heard say they prefer blondes to brunettes?

I personally don’t think it matters what colour your hair is but I do think hair colour is used more as a fashion statement for people to get noticed especially in the world of celebrity.
The world of celebrity intrigues us many people live there lives by what celebs say or do and hair is included in this. For some, Victoria Beckham is a style icon, for those of you who remember her as a Spice Girl will know she wasn’t always as glamorous her hair has inspired many hair trends. The posh bob, for example, was one that many ladies wanted at the time. Oh and guys, yes I haven’t forgotten you, Mrs Beckham’s other half is also a style icon too. How many guys ran out and got a mohican (even black guys) after seeing it on David Beckham?

I recall being dropped off at Gatwick Airport and waving to my husband’s aunt who dropped us off. I took my luggage to make my way up to the departure terminal before reaching the escalator – I let out a loud scream! My husband looked on in disbelief (and probably embarrassment) as I shouted out “My straightners! Where are they?! Have you got them??!” He replied, “No, they were in the car.” (Ladies…feel my pain here!)
Having straightened my hair before leaving, my GHD’s were too hot to put in the case so I decided to leave them out until arriving at the airport and then pack them in my hand luggage. A good idea (I thought) not banking on forgetting them. I ran back hailing down the car like I had forgotten my passport (best believe) and not a well-needed electrical appliance. I managed to get them and continued on my journey sighing with relief. I don’t know how many of you have GHD’s but I swear by them, I’ve had them for about 6 years and they have never let me down! It’s like a complete transformation for me once I make the transition from straight to curly.
I go through phases where I love my curls but currently I’m loving my long straight hair. I have said that when I’m 50, and without the time or energy to mess with my hair, I will get dreads and just be natural – but I guess I’ll have to wait for that.

It’s amazing that, here I am writing this in the US and everyone has good hair! I have seen all textures and shades and I will note hardly any with extensions or weave. So what’s their secret? Are we in the UK missing something so much that we are persecuted daily by the thing we are defined by? I’ve seen some bad weaves and extensions in my time (believe me). Have you ever been to a rave and seen bits of hair on the toilet floor? (It’s just nasty). Some girls can rock a great style of weave with the right hairdresser and style – it looks authentic. Others, however, look like they’ve been through the fast spin in a washing machine – forgetting to blow dry on the way out. The problem is, these girls actually think they look good!!! I’m a straight talking girl (as you should know by now) and if I was on a night out with a friend who’s weave made her look like Scary Mary – I would tell her. Not all girls are like me though and they let their so-called friends go out looking like tramps!!!

Most guys hate fake hair (well guys I know anyway). I said to my husband a few months back, that I was thinking of putting a few tracks in my hair to add some volume to it when it’s straight… He threatened divorce. He can’t stand fake hair so guess I’m keeping it natural. (Unless I want to get rid of him – muhahaha)!

It’s not just us ladies who have issues with hair though. Yes, guys, don’t pretend you don’t too. There’s shaping your hair up and making sure that your hair is cut into the right style. For those of you with afro hair, the main dilemma is deciding how low to go or how high to grow!(If you’re going for the ‘Kid n Play’ look).

What about plaits/canerows? We all know that they have to be re-done every few weeks – a month if your lucky. If you do have plaits, it’s sometimes a worry that you may be stereotyped looking like you want to be in a hip hop video! Going for a job interview and getting turned down because your hair’s to long or you have the look that echoes – ‘thug’.

A lot of people have daily battles with their hair and most of us will never find hair perfection! Hair is perhaps something that we all take for granted; we fill it full of chemicals to straighten or colour, we use heat to dry or straighten and we are forever chopping away at it. Forever wanting to change our hair, moaning that we are fed up with it but what if one day we didn’t have a choice? What if, one day we were ravaged by cancer and chemotherapy took away the choice to have hair? What if your hair suddenly started falling out in large lumps due to alopecia?
Through all its faults, I know the hair on my head isn’t that bad and when I style it right with an amazing outfit it helps me to look and feel great. I think next time you are having a bad hair day just think about how lucky you are.