How many is too many?

It’s been a while I know but let’s roll “How many is too many?”

Let’s start with a simple maths equation, it maybe harder for some but let’s see how we all do! The question is how many people male or female have you slept with?

While some of you are still counting the rest of you can start reading and hopefully we will all get to the same place in the end!

Lately how many has been a common topic one day me and my friends did a count up and yes it’s obvious I peaked early but the question of how many is acceptable is a big thing. You don’t really know what’s acceptable until you start talking to other people if it’s not that many maybe you need to round them off to the nearest tent and if it’s too many you might knock some not that great one’s off.

Yet again the battle of the sexes prevails! The problem starts with the one rule for guys and another for girls rule, Mr A has slept with 40 girls and so has Miss B, Mr A may where a badge of honour amongst his friends where as Miss B maybe known as a hoe amongst other guys and her counterparts.

My opinions is you need to always try before you buy, the no sex before marriage rule don’t wash with me, most things we try before buying so why not. Look at the scene from sex in the city she got married and then on the wedding night realised he was shit in the sack. I know these things take time and sometimes practice but some people just are not going to get it! Imagine you have been together two years quick engagement then wedding with no sex that could be three years. You finally get to your wedding night and if he aint already cum in his pants from the excitement it doesn’t last long leaving you both bitterly disappointed! (Her more than him)

I’m not saying go sexing up every potential future husband or wife I’m just saying you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive so you at least need to give some a fair ride!

I guess in terms of time we have come a long way back in our grandparents day you courted one man, married him and had kids in the end so sleeping with only one person was normal. But this generally happened very quikcly and in those days they were having kids like rabbits so we clearly no sex was happening! In those days people didn’t talk about sex as open as they do now although some people are still scared of the subject most of us can openly talk about sex without blushing. Perhaps because of this both sexes think that being casual is norm and racking up the numbers is not a problem!

A guy who has slept with too many women is unattractive for me, these women are going to be popping up all over the place and may even be your friends (Stick to the rules people don’t sleep with anyone and then their friend it’s not on!)

A guy or girl who has slept with bare people is like a walking STD if you haven’t had one yet your going to get one, half the time your having sex you are not being safe and all that pulling out before coming shit!!!!! Please you can still get something for those of you not up on sexual health and education! (I wonder how many people rushed out to the clinic without reading to the end) As for my firm favourite “She said she was on the pill” unless you physically see her take it strap up!

Guys are less emotional than us girls so for them one night stands or sleeping with high number maybe more common and acceptable, although they are supposedly behind us two years mentally in terms of the sex stakes most guys are way ahead.  Taken all this into account I still don’t want my man having slept with all the local toms, us girls want a guy with enough experience too put us away but not too much so that when your on road everyone is chatting your business and worse still that his conquests are not bridesmaids at your wedding.

Some ladies I asked said they would rather not know how many girls their man has slept with I guess some people are not that bothered I am so nosey lately I’ve been asking any guys I’ve had a conversation with. For guys this is a big thing they don’t want a girl who has been around the block, the saying is you can’t make a hoe a housewife so the guys that I asked did not want high numbers at all. I worked out an average between the guys I spoke to A girl looses her V plates at 16 and at present is 25 if we say this girl has had a few relationships in this nine year period she could probably average at 5-7 guys. Now let’s think of a girl the same age a bit more care free when it comes to sex, not big on relationships she could average 2 maybe 3 per year which is peaking over 20. When you start getting in the 20’s guys freak out.

How many people you have slept with depends on your circumstances and your personality insecurities, peer pressure, drunken antics are among the long lists for why peoples numbers rack up. Sex is supposed to be fun and whether it is with two people who care about each other or not as long as you happy and can justify your actions, if it’s not a problem for you why should it be for anyone else. Being able to hold your head up high and not feel like you have made a mistake with every person you slept with is important, I wonder how many people remember how many people they have slept with. I wonder how many people lie? How many people is too mnay for you?

Money V’s Love

Big said more money more problems, Jessie J is saying it’s not about the money and Aloe Blacc still just want’s a dollar.Let me not even get started on 50cent.

I don’t care what anyone says money is a big big thing in our lives from the moment you realise what money is and what it can get you, you want it. Whether it pay bills, to buy that dress or to put food on the table we all need and use money on a daily basis and sometimes we take it for granted.

So a friend said to me you can’t have girls and be in love with no money and I honestly thought he was wrong but on reflection he might have been right.

You all know I’m the modern-day woman, if I have to pay for the meal it’s cool. (You know I don’t like cooking so I’m always going to be the one suggesting) I always want to go out to eat and can not expect a man to be paying for me to eat out all the time just because I’m a hungry belly. If a guy is ok to split the bill or take turns in paying I would be fine with that. I know I like to go out to eat a lot and if I want to sit nice have a few drinks and eat my three courses peacefully I don’t want the guy sweating about how much this is going to cost him! This week my husband took me to eat at the Oxo tower restaurants as a treat (We had no kids for the night), a lovely restaurant and very pricey if he didn’t have money we would never have gone. This restaurant was over posh, the service was amazing and the view of London was one of the best I’ve seen. If you don’t have money you don’t get to have experiences, if my husband had taken me there on a first date I would have thought he was rich and most females would expect nothing less from that date on.

If you flash your cash a bit too much your setting your self up for failure, look at Ian Beale in Eastenders how many wives has he waved his money at???? So here he is flashing it at Mandy who is blatantly not interested and is in it for what she can get.

The other day I was watching one of those programmes that did the 2011 rundown and realised Hugh Hefner Mr Playboy himself got engaged only for his fiance to leave him. All that money, all those women and still nobody to love.

Some common beliefs are:

• With money you can demonstrate tokens of love, reliability

• broke love is usually stronger (Your struggling but you get by and your happy)

• Broke people don’t fall in love (Really broke like JSA broke)

• Guys with money have no time, so they buy gifts but the love is not actually there

I asked the females

You suggest going to a restaurant on a date with a guy you just met. Who should pay or who do you expect to pay?

“Men should always pay on the first date, if he doesn’t he won’t be seeing me again!”

“Whoever suggests it should pay!” (3 ladies said this)

“Dutch” (4 ladies said this)

“You ask you pay!”

“The man should always pay on the first date regardless of who asked first! #oldskool”

“I would go with dutch definitely although would appreciate the gesture as its sweet”

“Personally I believe in equals so i would offer to go halves”

“I expect him to pay but I’ll have money on case he wants to split it!”

“If I suggested it I would pay unless you’re in a relationship never go out without money in your pocket!”

Males were asked

You are going on a  date with a girl you have just met she suggests dinner and names a restaurant she frequents who should pay?

“She should pay she offered!”

“Split half way. If she says no, you pay. Gold digger”

“The guy should have enough to cover it just in case”

 

It’s hard to be in love and say money doesn’t matter for example

Female: Babe don’t get me anything for christmas

Male: You sure

Female: No we can’t afford it

Male: OK

Christmas day our lady friend has no present and our male friend is in the dog house!!!

Women love men to lavish money and gifts on them, no matter how much we say we don’t it’s lovely to buy your man a present but if he buys you one it’s something you can show off to your friends. If he buys you something big it’s something you can show off to the world something that he might say is a token of my love. Tokens of love as said previously are usually for guilty reasons, a lady may get a new bag for no occasions because her husband hasn’t shown her any attention or he because he forgot a previous occasion. Unless its new love how many people get tokens of love regularly?? Not hating and if you do get this regular great but I would much rather my husband take me somewhere nice than buy me a bag that everyone else has or even wants.

How many husbands/partners are currently busting there arses at work through January because their better or not so better halves have racked up the credit card bills.(Not mine he sighs in relief) Some women are cool with their other halves racking up debt just so they can live as good as their friends if not better. When it comes to money men are competitive but women are just as bad!

I know single ladies look for lot’s of qualities in a man and having a job is one of them, but how much money does a man need to earn before a single lady takes him seriously so that she knows if they get married and start a family he can support her??? When I met my husband he didn’t have a great job but at the time nor did I, I didn’t ever worry about if he could support me because we were in love and that was all that mattered. But now we are in a time of great economic depression are we looking more at someones bank balance than what they have to offer as a person????

Love and money is a bit like brains and beauty, his probably good-looking and has loads of cash but is absolutely brain-dead and the only person he loves is himself. (Unless your Ian Beale)

Just as long as a guy doesn’t look broke like a joke, dresses decently and is good to you I really don’t think it matters how many 000’s are on the end of his pay check. Maybe if someone gave Aloe Blacc a chance he wouldn’t need a dollar.

d

 

 

 

 

Teenage Mum

If you didn’t already know I’m 26 with a  9-year-old  daughter and if you good at doing your sums and listened at school (Actually it doesn’t take a genius) you will have realised that I was once a Teenage Mum.

People may read this with the usual stereotypical views of teenage motherhood and realise I don’t conform to any of them
Q. Did I get pregnant to get a council flat????
A. No!!!
Q. Are you a chav??
A.No
Q. Am I a single mum on benefits?
A. No I’m married and work!!
Q. How many baby fathers and children do I have????
A. Two children, one husband

So now we have that bit out the way, feel free to leave any answered questions at the bottom of the blog! Back to the point. At 17, I became pregnant with my daughter Kyra. I was scared, confused and knew my parents would either attempt or go through with killing me but in that one moment of madness I, like many other teenagers in the UK, took that risk and had unprotected sex.

I was luckier that most teenage girls when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend took responsibility for his actions, we were young and in love and he vowed to stand by me no matter what. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I had ever done (harder than labour – and that’s hard), it must be every parents worst nightmare for their child to come home and say “I’m pregnant” or “I’ve got someone pregnant”. As a parent, you have so many hopes and dreams for your children and when those words come out of their mouth the world you had built crumbles to the ground!!!! I was at college studying Travel and Tourism with aspirations to travel the world. What my parents didn’t know was that I hated college! The course I was on was not for me, the girls were becoming a clique and I hadn’t attended a lesson for weeks!!! Before I announced I was pregnant, I quit college, having decided it just wasn’t for me. At the time, I had a part-time job and even that was a struggle as I was constantly being sick they call it ‘morning sickness’ but what they don’t tell you is it can come at anytime, I was sick morning, noon and night I became anaemic and had to leave work as I couldn’t cope. In between all this, I had to deal with telling my parents and, NO! They were not at all pleased. The fact that I left it very late in the day to tell them probably did not help either. Nevertheless, after the shock, anger and tears they supported me on my journey and still do today. Again in this respect I believe I was lucky.

I came from a good home but I was a wayward teenager from the age of 13 (after the death of my granddad) it all went down hill getting in trouble at school, late nights, smoking, drinking and boys ruled most of my life – a toxic combination. I was on the road to self-destruction. Looking back, I was a bit of a nightmare and many of my friends who knew me then and know me now will tell you I have changed immensely. Back then, I wasn’t the nicest of people and had little respect for myself or others around me!!

Being a teenager, I was selfish and over-confident and if it didn’t benefit me I didn’t want to know. Yet these days were coming to an end, I was soon going to have someone else to care for, someone who depended on me and someone else to love. I often wandered how I would cope. I wasn’t scared but during the pregnancy with one thing or another I was always stressed. I didn’t care what people thought about me and I adopted the “Shit Happens” attitude as it was happening to me!!!

My journey as a teenage mum taught me many invaluable lessons. For any teenage mother, a lesson quickly learnt is to find out who your friends are. Those that have stuck by me all know who they are. My friends have supported me through ups and downs, been there as a shoulder to cry on, been babysitters, laughed and helped me to have a good time when things were hard. When people have a baby everyone flocks to you to have their say but it’s those that remain and stay true that are the ones who really care!! (To them – I give thanks)
My daughter was born in August 2002, two months before my 18th Birthday. I was in labour for a total of 28 hours (I won’t go in to details but it was traumatic) and finally my little girl arrived at 6.14.oz with ten fingers and ten toes – she was perfect. My mum helped me get through the labour and I don’t think I would have managed if she was not there. My husband cut the cord and there was not a dry eye in the room.

Starting a new job opened doors for me I wanted to strive to be a role model for other new mums, I wanted to help people and show everyone that I was more than just a teenage mum. I started work based training and completed two NVQ’s level 2 and 3 I then went on to do a Social Science degree graduating in 2009. My achievements flowed I got married, started volunteering, had another baby, learnt to drive and started a new career path.  In the years that followed I was given the name  supermum by my friends and I showed everyone that I was more than a teenage mum. I’m not advocating teenage pregnancy but I think with the right help, love and support from those around you a young mum can turn out to be a wonderful inspirational woman!!!  None of us a perfect parents and all we can do is our best my daughter has turned out fine and I wouldn’t change her for the world!!!

My journey was difficult but I over came for others sadly it’s not the same the UK has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies, a lot of these girls are not in education, don’t have the support of the child’s father, family and friends and are left social outcast on low incomes in a cycle of poverty. What we see in the media today about teenage mum’s is never positive we don’t see people who go on to change their lives and we don’t see how good they are as mums. What we are shown is the stereotypical view of teenage mums and girls that live up to this which is a shame as I believe there are many that do not fall into this category whose children are their world and they try to do everything in the power to change the situation they are in.

Love and War

You might be thinking ‘Love and War’? Gosh! What IS she on about? Doesn’t she mean ‘War and Peace’? Is she going to reel off a novel or a short story of two lovers that are torn apart by war?
No actually you’re all wrong.

This week’s topic has been inspired by a few people. I’m always happy to write about what people are interested in, and this one comes from Ms. Marple.

Do you remember the first person to whom you said those three special words? Do you remember the first time someone said them to you? No…not “Milk no Sugar!” Those three words that once a person has said them there is no turning back…

“I LOVE YOU”

Now, I’m not including family members here! I’m talking about the romantic sense. Now take note, people do use those three words loosely!
For example, girl meets guy on Monday, he takes her for or a drink on Tuesday, by Wednesday, his back at hers and they are getting it on (I’m not judging), Thursday morning, in bed, she blurts out, “I LOVE YOU” (he leaves for work mortified!) On Friday, he hasn’t called and she can’t work out why. Saturday, she bombards him with messages and gets one text back saying “It’s not you, it’s me!” By Sunday, she is crushed and is sobbing on the shoulder of her friends over bottles of Agony Aunt Rose.

I think us girls are usually more likely to ‘break’ first – unless you get a guy that is really in touch with his emotions. Ladies, sometimes we can get in there a bit too quick and although the example given maybe a bit exaggerated it’s not too far from the truth. In some cases, you get whirlwind romances where it’s just like that, (still not judging) but like I said once you have said it – going back is impossible. You can’t turn round and say, “Sorry I didn’t mean it” or “Oh yeah I was drunk!” (We all know the truth comes out when your drunk!)

Guys, can get edgy about those three words, especially if it has been said too soon and the feeling isn’t mutual. Yet on the other hand, there is nothing worse than a guy (perhaps your happy to date, but not happy to have around on a permanent basis) getting the wrong idea and starts saying it!!! Do people give the wrong signals? How long should you wait? Is there ever a right time to say ‘I love you’???

I guess females are just more emotional than guys -they can be quite cold-hearted and it takes a lot more to make them crack. Think, how many guys have you seen cry? How many guys say “I love you” first?

Love can sometimes be confused with lust. Lusting for someone is totally different to loving them. Even though lust is about passion and wanting someone it’s usually a sexual attraction. When people talk about sexual tension -this is lust. When you crave to be with them (their body) -this is lust. When you have unimaginable desires -this is lust!! The thing with lust,is eventually the passion dies the person pisses you off and you come to that realisation… it wasn’t love. I can say I have been in lust many a time. You know those early teenage years when you think you know it all and believe it will last forever. (Yep those ones!) In reality, it lasts weeks, a few months if you’re lucky and when your older you look back and realise that it was just lust.

There are many different types of love, “First Love”, “Fast Love”, “Hard Love”, “Dangerous Love” and Unrequited Love” but how do you know if the love you’re feeling for a person is “True Love”? You know, something that’s real and not a fantasy of emotions that are building up due to lust?

Ms Gibbs had a wonderful quote on her BB last week describing LOVE:

“Love isn’t all about flirting, hugs, kisses and sex. Love is about having the ability to take all those things away and still having feelings for that person”

I think this describes love perfectly as when you grow old with someone sometimes the romance part can fizzle out but if you can see past the physical attraction there can be so much more; someone who makes you laugh, someone who’s company you genuinely enjoy and someone who becomes your best friend.

So where does the war part come in? The answer, as we all know, can come at any time after the honeymoon period! This is where arguments can develop. (This is normal and I worry about people who never argue or disagree in relationships). Sometimes arguments can be healthy for a relationship you able to get out what you need from built up tensions then when the storm has blown over discuss the issues like grown people. Why do we argue when we are in a good relationship? (Yes ladies I’m talking to you) Me, personally, I love a good row and I do nit-pick. I fully admit to starting arguments with my husband for next to no reason! My husband on the other hand is one of the most laid back, least argumentative people I know! (Ok, granted… I’m a bitch. I know this however, opposites attract or so I’m told!) Anyway my point is, during an argument, I will shout and he will not. I will rant on until I’m out of puff, whine and moan to my friends. Then, after a few fags and I’ve managed to calm down, we discuss things rationally, apologise (I try to, in my own selfish sulky way) and then move on. But why do I do it? Is it instilled in us to show our strength to those that we love most by creating unnecessary drama??? I admit to having OCD so the smallest thing will tip me over the edge! If I come home from work and there is a pile of washing up, the place is a mess and the kids are on the verge of being late for school I will see red and flip. Granted, this is a personal problem that I have and when others (not just my husband) do not conform to my ideals (tidiness, punctuality, saying you are going to do something and don’t, go against the agreed plan) I become a total mess but I know when this is going to happen and most of the time I can prepare myself by biting my lip (something I’m not good at but have to do a lot). I guess in relationships its knowing what wars you should take on and which ones are better fixed by taking a deep breath and counting to 10, letting the anger blow over and communicating with the partner on a level which helps both of you understand where the other is coming from.

Other ‘wars’ are started by splitting up and then this is where for most the real war comes in, have a look at your BB, Twitter, Facebook or any other social network that you may have that let’s you have a status!!! How many girls on your friends lists are at one moment happily in love with their boyfriend, partner, baby father or husband and their status reads something like “I Love my baby sooooo much” !!! Skip forward a few days or a week and the status of their relationship has changed to “Single” and the status now reads something to the effect of “Wasteman”, “Better off on my own” or “Thought I wouldn’t find out!”. It’s funny because this is one thing I don’t see guys doing they may slag us girls off to their friends or cuss us to our face through text in via BB message but really how many guys do you see really cussing chicks?? (Really think about it.) We can even go way back in history for years and see that a lot of the wars that have happened in history have been started by men. I think wars of the heart in relationships are usually started by women. (No I haven’t gone mad just stating the #facts). Fair is fair though, men do things to fuck up the most. Cheating they have down to a fine art, pissing us off they could get a degree in but when it comes to being diplomatic about breaks ups they are just better than us. Girls you would have to agree during a messy break up we are the ones with the tears, we are the ones kicking and screaming and ready to take him on (whether he deserves it or not it’s not a good look.) How many girls now are constantly cussing their wasteman baby fathers when the facts are:

1. He was always waste – you were just blinded by love or intrigued by lust
2. He is always going to be waste and never going to change

I think what we really should be doing, including everyone not just those with kids is:

1. Move on – karma’s a bitch and in the word’s of Beyonce “What goes around comes back around my baby”
2. Evolve yourself – don’t waste time cussing and letting everyone know you were taken for a fool you are better than that
3. Be strong – love isn’t easy. Many hearts have been bruised and battered in the game of love and although you may be able to die from a broken heart statistics on this are low (It’s rare that this is going to happen)
4. Remember not all guys are the same – so dispose of the baggage from your last relationship and move on to the new one with a fresh mind!

Girls have feelings that are totally different to men and both sexes express these feelings in different ways. Not all break ups end nicely and of course there are reasons why they end in the first place, but I think remaining dignified when you have lost in love is important so that you are able to mature and hopefully love again.

They say “All is fair in love and war” but this isn’t true wars are never equal and sometimes neither is love for some. Love is a battle that you can’t afford to lose!? Maybe we all need to be a little stronger when it comes to love and hold back when it comes to war’s listen toLove Strong and enjoy!

Let Talk about SEX!!!!

Ok so, it’s the subject that everyone has to think about at one time or another, what teenage girls worry over, teenage boys brag about and what most parents don’t talk about. The thing that we all need to be doing safely, yes it’s SEX!

Whether you’re ‘doing it’ or not, sex is everywhere and everyone talks about it. Most of my ‘girly-nights’ in consist of wine and us girls talking about sex. Guys out there are talking about it too, just look at some of the music videos out there!!!  It’s a subject that’s touchy for some, raises eyebrows as well as blushed cheeks but I’m fine about discussing it so let’s get stuck in!!! (I don’t mean literally)

Let’s kick off with some Sex Education. Most primary schools are teaching sex education in some shape or form to kids as young as six. Some people agree with sex education being taught as a way to promote safe sex whereas others think primary school is far too young. I’m very open with my children and believe that children can be taught about certain taboo subjects in a way that will help them understand. How many parents have had the birds and bees conversation with their children? It can be a tough one, but if you have a relationship from the beginning with your child that is open and honest, then topics like this become easy to discuss.

My daughter, who’s almost nine years old, understands where a baby comes from, as she asked and I told her in the best and most honest way I could without freaking her out. However, she doesn’t know the logistics of sex and this is what some children her age or younger are being taught in explicit detail.

I remember first being taught about Sex Education in PHSE with our form tutor. In either Year 7 or 8, she put on “That Video” which most of you reading would have seen and just played it out. I don’t remember learning much and no questions were asked. I guess we were supposed to just work it out for ourselves -which I think most of us did!
I went to an All Girls school and sex was the hot topic of most lunch time conversations. Who was doing it, who wasn’t, who you wanted to do it with teenage angst – envy surrounded us. Losing your virginity was the big one! You heard people saying they wanted it to be with someone special -“The One”. Someone who they “Loved and cared for” but in reality, if most people did this they would be waiting forever! I know girls that were happy their V plates were gone so they did not have to worry about it. Of course once you had done it once (and hopefully were not to traumatised by the experience) you wanted to do it again – like a pack of Pringle’s “Once you pop you can’t stop!!!”

Is there ever a right time or right age to have sex? In the UK, the legal age to have sex is 16. Yet, we all know kids as young as 9 (yes 9!)are having sex taking the innocence of childhood away. Personally, I don’t agree with children having sex and think it’s important that if teenagers are doing it they need to know about the consequences before making the decision.   I’ll leave it up to your imaginations to work out what age I lost my V plate. What I will say looking back is…NO he wasn’t special and NO it wasn’t that great either! Should I have held out longer? Probably yes, but I can only say that based on the knowledge I have now (and none of us can see into the future) we just do what feels right at the time!

So what do you do if you’re single and need sex?
There are two things that spring to mind.

The first is,”The One Night Stand”, not very classy but if you want something from someone who you won’t get attached to and never intend to see again -then this ones for you!! (Please close the door on the way out). The second, which I like so much more is “The Bootycall”.
For those of you that don’t know what a booty call is I’ll explain… a booty call is when it’s late, you want sex, you flick through your phone to the number of someone who you know you can have some no strings attached sex with and call them! What should then happen is; the guy or girl comes round, you ‘do the do’, you’re both happy with the set up and this could potentially become a regular thing! (If any of you want a hook up I know a few eligible candidates!)

An anonymous friend of mine did this just this weekend. They hadn’t had sex for a while, no relationships on the horizon and decided to call someone they hadn’t seen for a while -who they knew would play the game. The person agreed -they had sex twice. Now the rules were finalised and  before long the booty call was on their way home! For some, this works and why not? If you have read my blog about Lovers and Friends  you will know about ‘Joe from Bingo the fictitious character who will be my booty call if in years to come my marriage were to go down the pan!

But what if you can’t do the booty call thing? Girls have a well-known friend “The Vibrator”. The little contraption that can please and tease with the touch of a button!!! (Batteries required of course). Guys, perhaps have it easier with two friends of ample size who don the names “Palmer” and “Hangler” (Hands) mixed with a dirty mag or a porn film these two bad boys can make those lonely nights a lot easier!!!

Although some of you may think, who needs another to give the pleasure you can get from a gadget or yourself without all the awkwardness? We all know that the touch of another is better when intimate with a person you have chosen. You can bring memories, pleasure, laughs and all round good times!
In the beginning, for most, sex is great and if you have a partner that has got all the moves and knows what, when and how to do it you are in for many a sleepless night. However, many factors can change this routine; work, kids and lack of time can all play a big part in how sex can become one of the weekly chores you have to do every Wednesday night (No! I’m not talking about me!!!) There are two things in a relationship that can happen to turn sweet sex sour:

The first, which can happen to anyone – guy or girl (we are not angels ladies) is after sex one of you falls sound asleep! PISSED! Especially if you were ready to go all night or you wanted some light conversation so how can this be stopped?  Well, one way is to try to entice and seduce them before their eyelids start to flicker. What I would do is wake them up! I know sex can be a workout but really…you don’t fall asleep in the gym!
The second ‘sourness’ is the sex pest. when the guy or girl that your seeing is pestering you for sex at inappropriate times. When is it inappropriate? I hear you cry. Well, if your asking that you probably fall into this category!!! Know your partner. If your partner is tired – it’s not a good time. If your partner is in a bad mood – it’s not a good time. If your partner is stressed  (No you can’t relax them by giving them one – well sometimes) it’s not a good time. Learn when to initiate sex otherwise you could be left disappointed.

Sex can take on many forms “The Quickie”, “Love making”, “Baby making”, “Drunken sex” and “Meaningless” and at some point I have done them all, but sex can be fun and whether it’s with someone you love or not there is lot’s to be learnt it all depends on what you are willing to do.
So here is something to give you all a helping hand! The top 5 sex positions in pictures I leave it up to you to work out how to do them! Have fun!

1. Classic Rear Entry, Kneeling aka Doggy Style

2. Woman on top missionary

3. Shoulder Holder

4. Postion X

5. Reverse cow girl

Single and Ready to Mingle!!!!

The weekend past, was by far, the best weekend in a long time! No, the title of this blog has nothing to do with me being single, but it does play a part of my weekend.
Friday, ironically, marked my five year anniversary and my husband had planned a surprise of dinner, drinks and comedy, and for the first time in a years,he bought me flowers -which deserves a mention! To be honest, I hate surprises and that’s due to me being so nosey and wanting to be the first to know everything!

Saturday, was my cousin’s club night ‘Kisstory’ at the Indigo 02. It’s a must for any old school garage fans with Kiss DJ’s and live acts from back in the day. (You can add the page from facebook to find out when the next one is – have to promote my cousin!) Indigo 02

Finally, I attended the One Love Peace Festival at Wembley Arena to mark 30 years since the passing of the legend Bob Marley and to highlight gun and knife crime in the capital.

Overall an excellent weekend although, at one point I did have to ask myself ,”Am I getting to old for this?” (We’ve all been there! Along with ‘I’m never drinking again!’) My answer was “NO!” A bit shameful maybe, but the saying goes, ‘You are only as old as you feel’ and although most days I feel like a pensioner, this particular weekend, I was young and alive!!! (I even got asked for ID in the shop.)

Right, I haven’t been single for ten years and being single was something that came up quite a bit this weekend. Now, although a lot of my friends are in relationships, equally a lot of my friends are single. This weekend, I started to wonder about the pressures of being single for both men and women over the age of twenty five?

Now, we all know that some women get to a certain age, panic that the old biological clock is ticking, “Must find a man, ANY man to make a baby!”) I even watched a documentary the other day about women going to sperm banks in America and finding donors which try to cut the man out altogether!

If your a guy who’s single and all your friends get partners or wives you become the friend who they are not allowed to roll with the one who is a “BAD INFLUENCE”! (Yes, this happens). I don’t know how I would feel if I was single at thirty-plus but if I were I would maybe just play the field. I have a joke with my best friend that if my marriage ends and I’m of an older age I would find a regular sleeping partner who I call old ‘Joe from Bingo’. As long as he filled my needs once or twice a month I would be happy- I guess *shrugs*. There is a general consensus between people that I know, that if your over 25, single and still raving like your 21 every weekend and most nights in the week, then you have issues that need to be addressed. Especially when the raving scene nowadays is full of young people from the ages of 16 -21(excluding going to pubs and bars). So, if I was single and not wanting to be in a relationship, what would I be looking for???
I went back to imaginary ‘Joe from Bingo’, someone who would be uncomplicated, gives me what I need – when and how I need it. I realised that over the last few years, I have seen my friends go through stressful relationships, playing the dating game and being hurt. I give a sigh of relief sometimes that I don’t have to do that but if I did have to go down that route again, I would at least know what I want!!!
I then thought about my single friends male and female alike they all seem to manage fine being single and although there are some low points at times (Who doesn’t have these!) they just roll with the punches! Over the last couple of weeks I have gone out to a few places and when I have looked around I have noticed a few things:

1. Most of the people that are going out now are under 25.
2.Most males who are going out regardless of their age are short under 5’4 (Where are all the tall guys at?!)
3. Girls are usually wasted at a certain time of the night disgracing themselves allowing no self-respecting man a chance

On Saturday, I tried to help a male anonymous friend out by trying to scope out perspective females that he may want to get involved with. The task was hard and left me feeling glad to be in a relationship and female. Girls are hard work, they either and perhaps I’m included in this somewhere:
. Think they’re too nice (When the majority are actually not)
. Are again too wasted to talk
. Have their bare feet out in the dance (Please…no… don’t do it have respect for others and bring flats)
. They are in a relationship

So pickings were slim although he did manage to find someone!
Today, I decided to do some research as I like to get my readers opinions there was an overwhelming response and at one point my friend said his BB was going to blow up! So the question was posed:  “What are the good and bad things about being single”

Good Points:
There is no one to answer to, you can do as you want and no one get’s hurt, you can sleep with who you want,
Independence, more free time and the ability to meet new people talking to who you want when you want
No need to lie, no jealousy, not having to take on someone else’s issues, no headaches, you can be selfish, you can give your energy to who you want to and not feel you have to always give it to a specific person and no getting into violent confrontations with your partner (Don’t know who this came from but they need to rethink who they are going out with!) and saving money

Bad Points
Lonlieness – No one to snuggle up to at night, go on dates with, no honeymoon period, butterflies or connection that is real with anyone, not loving anyone, never satisfied,
Frustration (We are not talking about the game here!)
Being the single one when your friends are all in relationships
Being a Hoe (Easy on how many people your sleeping with ladies and always be protected)
Lack of regular sex, sex is better when it is with someone you like
No-one to split your bills with, No one to cook for you.

As you can see there are a good mix of good and bad points. I think it depends on the person who is answering the question if it’s someone looking for love they may concentrate on the good points. Yet, if it’s someone who has been scorned they will concentrate on the bad points!

So I have come up with Five top tips for guys and girls to bag a mate! I’m not saying it’s definitely going to work but its worth a try:

1. Have a technique that you use to go on the pull (I’m leaving the way you do this up to you)
2. This ones for the girls: DON’T be scared to make the first move and guys if she knocks you back then dust yourself off and try again its her loss (Preferably not with her friend!
3. Don’t use chat up lines (someone asked me do I run like a cheetah when I had a leopard print dress on – yes makes no sense) if you see someone you like think about what your going to say -have an actual conversation!
4. It’s all about asking the right questions no point in taking someone’s number if they are not what you are looking for (No man with 6 baby mothers or woman with 3 baby fathers – too complicated stay away).
5. Sometimes you have to kiss plenty of frogs before your find MR or MRS Right. Don’t be quick to jump in the deep end too quickly or to early it will only end in disappointment!
I’ll leave you with this last line from a anon single female:

“Being single can be quite complicated at times!”

Lovers and Friends

So I’ve decided to lay off talking about being a woman for a while and start talking about something that has been a topic of a few of my conversations over the last week –
Lovers and Friends. We all have friends of the opposite sex; may it be in the work place, from school, people who we have grown up with and people we have met along the way. However, what I’m asking is…
Do male/female friendships really work? As just friends? Can you be friends with someone who was previously your lover?

Let’s look at friends in general…

People are friends with other people for many different reasons; whether these friendships are based on mutual interests, and with people who can bring some benefit or enhancement to your life e.g. because a person makes you laugh or you just enjoy spending time with them. Friends are an important part of our development socially from a young age.

I have a few male friends and although they are very nice in one way or another, I wouldn’t be trying to make any ‘moves’ (and ‘grooves’) on them as I think friendships should be respected (and the fact that I am a married woman helps)! Most relationships start as friendships of some form and just like relationships, you have to really get on with someone to be their friends otherwise there is really no point in having them around!! Usually, you are not deeply attracted to people who you want to be just friends with (be honest)and although you could possibly play the whole ‘hard-to-get’ thing, a friend would have to be pretty silly if they did not notice the signals (either that or they are in complete denial and are far to nice too hurt anyone’s feelings)

Have a look at this video- Lovers and Friends by Kadey James. I posed the question in the chorus to some friends this week asking what would they do if a friend started to get a bit close and asked them:
 
“What would you do if I said, baby take your clothes off?” Comments I received ranged from “WTF!”, “Why?”, laughter and one person (who shall remain nameless) said “You first!”. Surprisingly, I didn’t get the answers I anticipated. The majority of people said they wouldn’t be happy about their friend making a move on them like that. Answers varied, depending on what sort of friend he or she was and how long the friendship had lasted.

I then thought a little deeper… what if I was attracted to a male friend of mine who I thought was very good-looking? What would I do???? I’d like to think I wouldn’t do anything but… if he was also attracted to me then why shouldn’t I??? (If I was single of course)
Yeah why not?! I thought…BUT then my brain started to work overtime (this always happens to me) thinking what would happen after this one, perhaps intense moment of passion???? Once you take yourself over the bridge from friends to lovers you run the risk of entering the deep, dark and dangerous waters of complication where feelings and emotions can run high through rain clouds of doubt and regret. Did you both feel the same??? Was it worth it??? One of you wants to do it again and the other doesn’t??? Can you move on from this and go back to being friends???

If this had happened, I can imagine the awkwardness would be the biggest problem. “Oh yeah its cool we can still be friends!” Guys, you know she isn’t really thinking that but you persist with the game because you don’t really feel her but you don’t want to lose her so you want to be like Hannah Montana – “The best of both worlds”!!!

Saying, ‘Can we still be friends?’ is one of the top ten one liners people don’t want to hear! It’s right up there with “It’s not you, it’s me.” Hey…now I think about it, the same person probably came up with them! There is probably no going back from crossing the line with your friend so why do it? Temptation, lust, curiosity, just making sure the person isn’t really “THE ONE” in disguise the list of why’s are endless. Trey Songz says “I wished we never did it” he crossed the friendship line in his video Can’t be friends by Trey Songz (But if he was my friend I definitely would)

As I’m writing this, my head is actually hurting (I’m still thinking about the possibility of me and Trey) and I’m blaming the people who put this topic in my head. I realise there is one part of the ‘lovers and friends’ topic that I haven’t yet touched on, and that was the second question I asked at the beginning. This is one that most people who are reading this can probably say they have had to deal with at some point in their life… Can you be friends with your ex??? (I can hear the oooo’s, aaah’s and hissing from through my screen)!!!
The first question is why would you want to be friends with your ex? He/she is one your ex for a reason and I can honestly say I’m not friends with any of mine as all I can think of is WASTE!!! Would you keep something that needed to go out with the rubbish? Like I said before, friends and relationships are similar, you have to like the other person and get something from them that is worthwhile like, are they a good listener etc.
Let’s look at some scenarios:

1.Ex cheated on you… “Do you want to be friends?” 
Erm…Hell to the No! If he/she has cheated on you in a relationship he/she will probably rob you as a friend.
 
2. Ex and you argue 24/7… “Do you want to be friends?”
They have annoyed you for too long now why would you want them as a friend to piss you off even more?
 
3. You end with your ex in quite a pleasant way with no animosity or ‘beef’ -just two different people going to different ways “Do you want to be friends?”

Why not? Seems like a sensible thing to do just as long as you’re not gonna have a Case of the ex(Mya). Yet, in the future when your new partner gets all protective cause your friend who is also your ex is flying around. (Sticky situation).

There are no clear-cut rules when it comes to lovers and friends. You may delve into the shallow waters of love with your friend hoping that everything will be ok, you may remain friends with your ex because you don’t want to make enemies.
 
Some people stay friends with their ex as it is the easy option especially if you have mutual friends or you don’t want to have to cross the street when you see them, then maybe that’s the best option for you but I think that sexual tension will always remain even if it’s only in one of you. Don’t be surprised if one day this ‘friend’ declares his or her love for you!!!
For me, the friends I have are important. Realistically, I’m not going to be friends with Trey Songz so I’m not going to be making moves on my friends any time soon. (They all breathe a sigh of relief). So…If you do cross the line, be prepared for the consequences, sometimes things are just meant to happen:

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control!” Anon

What do you think place your vote