The List

We all have someone we have a major crush on someone be it celebrity or real life, but is it healthy to have crushes when you’re in a relationship or marriage?

Let’s talk about my list!

It’s an ongoing joke with me and Mr B, every time I come across a new hottie he goes on the list. Every time I mentioned the list, Mr B grunts and rolls his eyes. So me being me I told him to go and get his own list and so far I know of two women he has on it. (One he has strong competition)

Anyway, if you are still confused “The List” (which gets longer by the day and isn’t a real document that I scribble on every night) is a list of guys I’d like to have sex with. OMG! I here you all screech, as many of my friends have said when I’ve told them about the list “Your husbands ok with this?” Well we are still here, together and the list has only been going for about a year or so, so I guess there is no issues with it!

Now, I said a list of guys I’d like to have sex with these are all famous guys so it’s probably not going to happen but I’ve been honest with Mr B and said if I go out and Mr X is in the club don’t expect me home!  To be honest having one man is trouble but having two making claims on me would be too much so all I’m asking for is one night. In reality with kids, work and a husband where am I finding the time to have sex with Mr X and let’s say Drake? It’s not going to happen, how am I going to do the commute unless his moving to London and can fit in between the school run and lunch time then it’s clearly not going to work.

I asked a few people on twitter what they thought by posing the question “Is it healthy to banter about people you fancy when you’re in a relationship”:

” Yes, the key for me is laughter and trust. BUT I do think it depends on if it’s an unobtainable celeb or “Natalie from work”

“I don’t see anything wrong in it, both parties should be secure enough to share absolutely anything”

“I personally wouldn’t leave my man for a celeb… but I kinda like the idea of a free pass….”

“It depends how secure the relationship is, depends how much trust there is.. If so, then yeah its fine cos it’s bein real!!”

I managed to be able to get 2 of my celeb/men of power crushes to follow me on twitter by being cheeky it does actually get you far sometimes I won’t tell you who they are but here are ten of my celeb crushes in no particular order so guys please don’t get upset if you’re not at the top:

• Chucky Venn
• Drake (As if it wasn’t obvious)
• Idris Elba
• Kanye West
• Obama
• Scott Malsen
• David Beckham
• Wentworth Miller
• Will Smith
• Russell Brand (Not so much based on looks more that his a bit of an animal)

Now your done drooling we can start wrapping up!!!

So there’s ten off my list and I could probably give you another fifteen at least, all I think are good-looking and all I imagine have got some bedroom moves that would interest most women. (I don’t care if it’s not in the bedroom I’m honestly not that fussy!) Unfortunately, I’ve only had a dream about one of them and before anything happened I was rudely awoken by Mr B for some kind of wife or mother duty.

So why do I have these fantasies? Why am I thinking about having sex with other men when I have one at home? Well I guess we all have desires, needs, dreams and stuff we can never have and seening as I have everything in life I want or need, something I can’t have, maybe a pleasant distraction. I don’t sit and perv over these guys 24/7 I haven’t got time, but if they are on the telly or I hear their voice on the radio I’m thinking mmmmmm I need me some of that.  Granted all the men on my list are not my unusual type but we are talking one night here, so who cares! The dirty thoughts and fantasies I have about these guys are no different to the one’s guys have and no different to the sensations women have been getting while reading 50 shades of grey. Anyway now you know about the list why not go and make your own while listening to some Drake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zzP29emgpg

How many is too many?

It’s been a while I know but let’s roll “How many is too many?”

Let’s start with a simple maths equation, it maybe harder for some but let’s see how we all do! The question is how many people male or female have you slept with?

While some of you are still counting the rest of you can start reading and hopefully we will all get to the same place in the end!

Lately how many has been a common topic one day me and my friends did a count up and yes it’s obvious I peaked early but the question of how many is acceptable is a big thing. You don’t really know what’s acceptable until you start talking to other people if it’s not that many maybe you need to round them off to the nearest tent and if it’s too many you might knock some not that great one’s off.

Yet again the battle of the sexes prevails! The problem starts with the one rule for guys and another for girls rule, Mr A has slept with 40 girls and so has Miss B, Mr A may where a badge of honour amongst his friends where as Miss B maybe known as a hoe amongst other guys and her counterparts.

My opinions is you need to always try before you buy, the no sex before marriage rule don’t wash with me, most things we try before buying so why not. Look at the scene from sex in the city she got married and then on the wedding night realised he was shit in the sack. I know these things take time and sometimes practice but some people just are not going to get it! Imagine you have been together two years quick engagement then wedding with no sex that could be three years. You finally get to your wedding night and if he aint already cum in his pants from the excitement it doesn’t last long leaving you both bitterly disappointed! (Her more than him)

I’m not saying go sexing up every potential future husband or wife I’m just saying you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive so you at least need to give some a fair ride!

I guess in terms of time we have come a long way back in our grandparents day you courted one man, married him and had kids in the end so sleeping with only one person was normal. But this generally happened very quikcly and in those days they were having kids like rabbits so we clearly no sex was happening! In those days people didn’t talk about sex as open as they do now although some people are still scared of the subject most of us can openly talk about sex without blushing. Perhaps because of this both sexes think that being casual is norm and racking up the numbers is not a problem!

A guy who has slept with too many women is unattractive for me, these women are going to be popping up all over the place and may even be your friends (Stick to the rules people don’t sleep with anyone and then their friend it’s not on!)

A guy or girl who has slept with bare people is like a walking STD if you haven’t had one yet your going to get one, half the time your having sex you are not being safe and all that pulling out before coming shit!!!!! Please you can still get something for those of you not up on sexual health and education! (I wonder how many people rushed out to the clinic without reading to the end) As for my firm favourite “She said she was on the pill” unless you physically see her take it strap up!

Guys are less emotional than us girls so for them one night stands or sleeping with high number maybe more common and acceptable, although they are supposedly behind us two years mentally in terms of the sex stakes most guys are way ahead.  Taken all this into account I still don’t want my man having slept with all the local toms, us girls want a guy with enough experience too put us away but not too much so that when your on road everyone is chatting your business and worse still that his conquests are not bridesmaids at your wedding.

Some ladies I asked said they would rather not know how many girls their man has slept with I guess some people are not that bothered I am so nosey lately I’ve been asking any guys I’ve had a conversation with. For guys this is a big thing they don’t want a girl who has been around the block, the saying is you can’t make a hoe a housewife so the guys that I asked did not want high numbers at all. I worked out an average between the guys I spoke to A girl looses her V plates at 16 and at present is 25 if we say this girl has had a few relationships in this nine year period she could probably average at 5-7 guys. Now let’s think of a girl the same age a bit more care free when it comes to sex, not big on relationships she could average 2 maybe 3 per year which is peaking over 20. When you start getting in the 20’s guys freak out.

How many people you have slept with depends on your circumstances and your personality insecurities, peer pressure, drunken antics are among the long lists for why peoples numbers rack up. Sex is supposed to be fun and whether it is with two people who care about each other or not as long as you happy and can justify your actions, if it’s not a problem for you why should it be for anyone else. Being able to hold your head up high and not feel like you have made a mistake with every person you slept with is important, I wonder how many people remember how many people they have slept with. I wonder how many people lie? How many people is too mnay for you?

The power of the woman (Man V Woman)

Most days I genuinely feel like superwoman and I bet most of the ladies feel the same way, once you have juggled the days events battling your way through can sometimes be a struggle. The modern day woman does it all and more. I know I take on far too much for my own good and even finding time to sit down and write this blog every week can be tight, but every week I manage to push it through.

There is always debate about the sexes, who is the strongest man or woman? I believe the power of the woman is a strong one, but I don’t always feel that strong!

When I talk about strength I mean physical, mental and emotional. Now, I could do what most of the men that read this blog expect and say point blank women are stronger, but there would be no point in writing that, so I’ll look at each strength and go from there.

The first strength is physical, now I don’t go to the gym but I can lift the weeks shopping up two flights of stairs and have carried both my kids in their pram up these stairs at some point. I’m not hench at all but I think my strength comes from knowing that I have to do things rather than being actually strong.

My pain threshhold is low, like most women I hate pain (especially those once a month ones) but when I’ve actually sat down and thought about it I’ve come to the conclusion that a woman’s body is built to endure pain, such as child-birth and the monthly’s. Yeah the pain is bad but sometimes it’s mind over matter. My periods are usually more uncomfortable than painful and I think as women we sometimes milk that at time”s, for all we can. In terms of childbirth, yes it’s bad but when you think about it a lot of women all over the world manage with no pain relief. I managed to have children with only gas and air. Now, I was in pain and it was bad, but if it was that bad would we do it time and time again??? Even if you do go for all the pain relief offered, your body still goes through the trauma and the recovery can also be painful.

Someone made a valid point to me this week she said:

“Biologicallly our hearts and body’s are built for childbirth, mens hearts could not withstand it, but in terms of exertion men are undoubtedly stronger, our pain threshold is what gets us through childbirth not our physical strength”

A good point, women’s bodies are made to reproduce and keep mankind alive no matter how much you argue that what our biological make up suggests, otherwise there would just be a world for of men!!!  So women are strong physically because we need to be, men are stronger as they have the physical ability to be.

Women 0 – Men 1

Emotional is a tricky one, now when I was pregnant and after the kids were born, I was an emotional wreck. I rarely cry now and can honestly say unless it’s a very sad film, something to do with the kids or a previous emotion that has re-surfaced, I won’t cry. I’m not heartless (Although some may believe that) it just takes more than what used to make me cry. The things I deal with at work are very emotional, but if I let each caller get to me I wouldn’t get any work done and wouldn’t be able to help anyone.

A lot of women I know cry a lot and a good cry can release any built up tensions and let you move on from stuff that has been boiling over. Men rarely cry unless there’s something serious going on and worth crying for or sometimes not for those guys that cry when their team loses at footie. Do men not cry as much, as their hearts are cold or is it because they are in touch with their emotions? A strong man I think will show his emotions when needed at the birth of a child, marriage or death, however a guy that cries all the time is not attractive and to most shows weakness.

A friend said something interesting a few weeks ago, when I mentioned my son being over emotional at times and my daughter being less emotional. She said, “as a society we suppress boys from a young age to believe that being emotional is not correct. As children boys are more emotional but then come teenage years this emotion has been suppressed. Boys do not learn how to deal with their emotions thus leaving some confused and unaware when certain emotions are acceptable. Women talk openly about their problems and most find this easy, however men don’t really do this”.

Just because you don’t display emotions does not mean you have your emotions in check and what you’re not letting out could be eating away at you inside!!! This is a difficult one, so to be fair 1 point to women and 1 to men

Women 1 – Men 2

Mentally is an easy one for me, women over the years have shown mental strength in many situations. It took mental strength for Rosa Parks to say enough is enough and not move from her seat on the bus that day, it took mental strength for the suffragette to go against the societies conventional roles for women, to stand up for what they believe in. It takes mental strength for women all over the world to hold together their families, everyday ensuring that things run smoothly. Although it is said that the man is the head of the house we all know really it’s the woman and behind every good man, is a strong-minded woman who helps him along the way.  Women are good at having the mental strength to deal with what life throws at them, where as men struggle more with this.

Women 2 – Men 2

So as it stands we are equal, I know a lot of you won’t agree and I’m even surprised I’ve come to this conclusion, so vote below for who you think is stronger and as always share and comment.

Love and War

You might be thinking ‘Love and War’? Gosh! What IS she on about? Doesn’t she mean ‘War and Peace’? Is she going to reel off a novel or a short story of two lovers that are torn apart by war?
No actually you’re all wrong.

This week’s topic has been inspired by a few people. I’m always happy to write about what people are interested in, and this one comes from Ms. Marple.

Do you remember the first person to whom you said those three special words? Do you remember the first time someone said them to you? No…not “Milk no Sugar!” Those three words that once a person has said them there is no turning back…

“I LOVE YOU”

Now, I’m not including family members here! I’m talking about the romantic sense. Now take note, people do use those three words loosely!
For example, girl meets guy on Monday, he takes her for or a drink on Tuesday, by Wednesday, his back at hers and they are getting it on (I’m not judging), Thursday morning, in bed, she blurts out, “I LOVE YOU” (he leaves for work mortified!) On Friday, he hasn’t called and she can’t work out why. Saturday, she bombards him with messages and gets one text back saying “It’s not you, it’s me!” By Sunday, she is crushed and is sobbing on the shoulder of her friends over bottles of Agony Aunt Rose.

I think us girls are usually more likely to ‘break’ first – unless you get a guy that is really in touch with his emotions. Ladies, sometimes we can get in there a bit too quick and although the example given maybe a bit exaggerated it’s not too far from the truth. In some cases, you get whirlwind romances where it’s just like that, (still not judging) but like I said once you have said it – going back is impossible. You can’t turn round and say, “Sorry I didn’t mean it” or “Oh yeah I was drunk!” (We all know the truth comes out when your drunk!)

Guys, can get edgy about those three words, especially if it has been said too soon and the feeling isn’t mutual. Yet on the other hand, there is nothing worse than a guy (perhaps your happy to date, but not happy to have around on a permanent basis) getting the wrong idea and starts saying it!!! Do people give the wrong signals? How long should you wait? Is there ever a right time to say ‘I love you’???

I guess females are just more emotional than guys -they can be quite cold-hearted and it takes a lot more to make them crack. Think, how many guys have you seen cry? How many guys say “I love you” first?

Love can sometimes be confused with lust. Lusting for someone is totally different to loving them. Even though lust is about passion and wanting someone it’s usually a sexual attraction. When people talk about sexual tension -this is lust. When you crave to be with them (their body) -this is lust. When you have unimaginable desires -this is lust!! The thing with lust,is eventually the passion dies the person pisses you off and you come to that realisation… it wasn’t love. I can say I have been in lust many a time. You know those early teenage years when you think you know it all and believe it will last forever. (Yep those ones!) In reality, it lasts weeks, a few months if you’re lucky and when your older you look back and realise that it was just lust.

There are many different types of love, “First Love”, “Fast Love”, “Hard Love”, “Dangerous Love” and Unrequited Love” but how do you know if the love you’re feeling for a person is “True Love”? You know, something that’s real and not a fantasy of emotions that are building up due to lust?

Ms Gibbs had a wonderful quote on her BB last week describing LOVE:

“Love isn’t all about flirting, hugs, kisses and sex. Love is about having the ability to take all those things away and still having feelings for that person”

I think this describes love perfectly as when you grow old with someone sometimes the romance part can fizzle out but if you can see past the physical attraction there can be so much more; someone who makes you laugh, someone who’s company you genuinely enjoy and someone who becomes your best friend.

So where does the war part come in? The answer, as we all know, can come at any time after the honeymoon period! This is where arguments can develop. (This is normal and I worry about people who never argue or disagree in relationships). Sometimes arguments can be healthy for a relationship you able to get out what you need from built up tensions then when the storm has blown over discuss the issues like grown people. Why do we argue when we are in a good relationship? (Yes ladies I’m talking to you) Me, personally, I love a good row and I do nit-pick. I fully admit to starting arguments with my husband for next to no reason! My husband on the other hand is one of the most laid back, least argumentative people I know! (Ok, granted… I’m a bitch. I know this however, opposites attract or so I’m told!) Anyway my point is, during an argument, I will shout and he will not. I will rant on until I’m out of puff, whine and moan to my friends. Then, after a few fags and I’ve managed to calm down, we discuss things rationally, apologise (I try to, in my own selfish sulky way) and then move on. But why do I do it? Is it instilled in us to show our strength to those that we love most by creating unnecessary drama??? I admit to having OCD so the smallest thing will tip me over the edge! If I come home from work and there is a pile of washing up, the place is a mess and the kids are on the verge of being late for school I will see red and flip. Granted, this is a personal problem that I have and when others (not just my husband) do not conform to my ideals (tidiness, punctuality, saying you are going to do something and don’t, go against the agreed plan) I become a total mess but I know when this is going to happen and most of the time I can prepare myself by biting my lip (something I’m not good at but have to do a lot). I guess in relationships its knowing what wars you should take on and which ones are better fixed by taking a deep breath and counting to 10, letting the anger blow over and communicating with the partner on a level which helps both of you understand where the other is coming from.

Other ‘wars’ are started by splitting up and then this is where for most the real war comes in, have a look at your BB, Twitter, Facebook or any other social network that you may have that let’s you have a status!!! How many girls on your friends lists are at one moment happily in love with their boyfriend, partner, baby father or husband and their status reads something like “I Love my baby sooooo much” !!! Skip forward a few days or a week and the status of their relationship has changed to “Single” and the status now reads something to the effect of “Wasteman”, “Better off on my own” or “Thought I wouldn’t find out!”. It’s funny because this is one thing I don’t see guys doing they may slag us girls off to their friends or cuss us to our face through text in via BB message but really how many guys do you see really cussing chicks?? (Really think about it.) We can even go way back in history for years and see that a lot of the wars that have happened in history have been started by men. I think wars of the heart in relationships are usually started by women. (No I haven’t gone mad just stating the #facts). Fair is fair though, men do things to fuck up the most. Cheating they have down to a fine art, pissing us off they could get a degree in but when it comes to being diplomatic about breaks ups they are just better than us. Girls you would have to agree during a messy break up we are the ones with the tears, we are the ones kicking and screaming and ready to take him on (whether he deserves it or not it’s not a good look.) How many girls now are constantly cussing their wasteman baby fathers when the facts are:

1. He was always waste – you were just blinded by love or intrigued by lust
2. He is always going to be waste and never going to change

I think what we really should be doing, including everyone not just those with kids is:

1. Move on – karma’s a bitch and in the word’s of Beyonce “What goes around comes back around my baby”
2. Evolve yourself – don’t waste time cussing and letting everyone know you were taken for a fool you are better than that
3. Be strong – love isn’t easy. Many hearts have been bruised and battered in the game of love and although you may be able to die from a broken heart statistics on this are low (It’s rare that this is going to happen)
4. Remember not all guys are the same – so dispose of the baggage from your last relationship and move on to the new one with a fresh mind!

Girls have feelings that are totally different to men and both sexes express these feelings in different ways. Not all break ups end nicely and of course there are reasons why they end in the first place, but I think remaining dignified when you have lost in love is important so that you are able to mature and hopefully love again.

They say “All is fair in love and war” but this isn’t true wars are never equal and sometimes neither is love for some. Love is a battle that you can’t afford to lose!? Maybe we all need to be a little stronger when it comes to love and hold back when it comes to war’s listen toLove Strong and enjoy!