Money V’s Love

Big said more money more problems, Jessie J is saying it’s not about the money and Aloe Blacc still just want’s a dollar.Let me not even get started on 50cent.

I don’t care what anyone says money is a big big thing in our lives from the moment you realise what money is and what it can get you, you want it. Whether it pay bills, to buy that dress or to put food on the table we all need and use money on a daily basis and sometimes we take it for granted.

So a friend said to me you can’t have girls and be in love with no money and I honestly thought he was wrong but on reflection he might have been right.

You all know I’m the modern-day woman, if I have to pay for the meal it’s cool. (You know I don’t like cooking so I’m always going to be the one suggesting) I always want to go out to eat and can not expect a man to be paying for me to eat out all the time just because I’m a hungry belly. If a guy is ok to split the bill or take turns in paying I would be fine with that. I know I like to go out to eat a lot and if I want to sit nice have a few drinks and eat my three courses peacefully I don’t want the guy sweating about how much this is going to cost him! This week my husband took me to eat at the Oxo tower restaurants as a treat (We had no kids for the night), a lovely restaurant and very pricey if he didn’t have money we would never have gone. This restaurant was over posh, the service was amazing and the view of London was one of the best I’ve seen. If you don’t have money you don’t get to have experiences, if my husband had taken me there on a first date I would have thought he was rich and most females would expect nothing less from that date on.

If you flash your cash a bit too much your setting your self up for failure, look at Ian Beale in Eastenders how many wives has he waved his money at???? So here he is flashing it at Mandy who is blatantly not interested and is in it for what she can get.

The other day I was watching one of those programmes that did the 2011 rundown and realised Hugh Hefner Mr Playboy himself got engaged only for his fiance to leave him. All that money, all those women and still nobody to love.

Some common beliefs are:

• With money you can demonstrate tokens of love, reliability

• broke love is usually stronger (Your struggling but you get by and your happy)

• Broke people don’t fall in love (Really broke like JSA broke)

• Guys with money have no time, so they buy gifts but the love is not actually there

I asked the females

You suggest going to a restaurant on a date with a guy you just met. Who should pay or who do you expect to pay?

“Men should always pay on the first date, if he doesn’t he won’t be seeing me again!”

“Whoever suggests it should pay!” (3 ladies said this)

“Dutch” (4 ladies said this)

“You ask you pay!”

“The man should always pay on the first date regardless of who asked first! #oldskool”

“I would go with dutch definitely although would appreciate the gesture as its sweet”

“Personally I believe in equals so i would offer to go halves”

“I expect him to pay but I’ll have money on case he wants to split it!”

“If I suggested it I would pay unless you’re in a relationship never go out without money in your pocket!”

Males were asked

You are going on a  date with a girl you have just met she suggests dinner and names a restaurant she frequents who should pay?

“She should pay she offered!”

“Split half way. If she says no, you pay. Gold digger”

“The guy should have enough to cover it just in case”

 

It’s hard to be in love and say money doesn’t matter for example

Female: Babe don’t get me anything for christmas

Male: You sure

Female: No we can’t afford it

Male: OK

Christmas day our lady friend has no present and our male friend is in the dog house!!!

Women love men to lavish money and gifts on them, no matter how much we say we don’t it’s lovely to buy your man a present but if he buys you one it’s something you can show off to your friends. If he buys you something big it’s something you can show off to the world something that he might say is a token of my love. Tokens of love as said previously are usually for guilty reasons, a lady may get a new bag for no occasions because her husband hasn’t shown her any attention or he because he forgot a previous occasion. Unless its new love how many people get tokens of love regularly?? Not hating and if you do get this regular great but I would much rather my husband take me somewhere nice than buy me a bag that everyone else has or even wants.

How many husbands/partners are currently busting there arses at work through January because their better or not so better halves have racked up the credit card bills.(Not mine he sighs in relief) Some women are cool with their other halves racking up debt just so they can live as good as their friends if not better. When it comes to money men are competitive but women are just as bad!

I know single ladies look for lot’s of qualities in a man and having a job is one of them, but how much money does a man need to earn before a single lady takes him seriously so that she knows if they get married and start a family he can support her??? When I met my husband he didn’t have a great job but at the time nor did I, I didn’t ever worry about if he could support me because we were in love and that was all that mattered. But now we are in a time of great economic depression are we looking more at someones bank balance than what they have to offer as a person????

Love and money is a bit like brains and beauty, his probably good-looking and has loads of cash but is absolutely brain-dead and the only person he loves is himself. (Unless your Ian Beale)

Just as long as a guy doesn’t look broke like a joke, dresses decently and is good to you I really don’t think it matters how many 000’s are on the end of his pay check. Maybe if someone gave Aloe Blacc a chance he wouldn’t need a dollar.

d

 

 

 

 

Love and War

You might be thinking ‘Love and War’? Gosh! What IS she on about? Doesn’t she mean ‘War and Peace’? Is she going to reel off a novel or a short story of two lovers that are torn apart by war?
No actually you’re all wrong.

This week’s topic has been inspired by a few people. I’m always happy to write about what people are interested in, and this one comes from Ms. Marple.

Do you remember the first person to whom you said those three special words? Do you remember the first time someone said them to you? No…not “Milk no Sugar!” Those three words that once a person has said them there is no turning back…

“I LOVE YOU”

Now, I’m not including family members here! I’m talking about the romantic sense. Now take note, people do use those three words loosely!
For example, girl meets guy on Monday, he takes her for or a drink on Tuesday, by Wednesday, his back at hers and they are getting it on (I’m not judging), Thursday morning, in bed, she blurts out, “I LOVE YOU” (he leaves for work mortified!) On Friday, he hasn’t called and she can’t work out why. Saturday, she bombards him with messages and gets one text back saying “It’s not you, it’s me!” By Sunday, she is crushed and is sobbing on the shoulder of her friends over bottles of Agony Aunt Rose.

I think us girls are usually more likely to ‘break’ first – unless you get a guy that is really in touch with his emotions. Ladies, sometimes we can get in there a bit too quick and although the example given maybe a bit exaggerated it’s not too far from the truth. In some cases, you get whirlwind romances where it’s just like that, (still not judging) but like I said once you have said it – going back is impossible. You can’t turn round and say, “Sorry I didn’t mean it” or “Oh yeah I was drunk!” (We all know the truth comes out when your drunk!)

Guys, can get edgy about those three words, especially if it has been said too soon and the feeling isn’t mutual. Yet on the other hand, there is nothing worse than a guy (perhaps your happy to date, but not happy to have around on a permanent basis) getting the wrong idea and starts saying it!!! Do people give the wrong signals? How long should you wait? Is there ever a right time to say ‘I love you’???

I guess females are just more emotional than guys -they can be quite cold-hearted and it takes a lot more to make them crack. Think, how many guys have you seen cry? How many guys say “I love you” first?

Love can sometimes be confused with lust. Lusting for someone is totally different to loving them. Even though lust is about passion and wanting someone it’s usually a sexual attraction. When people talk about sexual tension -this is lust. When you crave to be with them (their body) -this is lust. When you have unimaginable desires -this is lust!! The thing with lust,is eventually the passion dies the person pisses you off and you come to that realisation… it wasn’t love. I can say I have been in lust many a time. You know those early teenage years when you think you know it all and believe it will last forever. (Yep those ones!) In reality, it lasts weeks, a few months if you’re lucky and when your older you look back and realise that it was just lust.

There are many different types of love, “First Love”, “Fast Love”, “Hard Love”, “Dangerous Love” and Unrequited Love” but how do you know if the love you’re feeling for a person is “True Love”? You know, something that’s real and not a fantasy of emotions that are building up due to lust?

Ms Gibbs had a wonderful quote on her BB last week describing LOVE:

“Love isn’t all about flirting, hugs, kisses and sex. Love is about having the ability to take all those things away and still having feelings for that person”

I think this describes love perfectly as when you grow old with someone sometimes the romance part can fizzle out but if you can see past the physical attraction there can be so much more; someone who makes you laugh, someone who’s company you genuinely enjoy and someone who becomes your best friend.

So where does the war part come in? The answer, as we all know, can come at any time after the honeymoon period! This is where arguments can develop. (This is normal and I worry about people who never argue or disagree in relationships). Sometimes arguments can be healthy for a relationship you able to get out what you need from built up tensions then when the storm has blown over discuss the issues like grown people. Why do we argue when we are in a good relationship? (Yes ladies I’m talking to you) Me, personally, I love a good row and I do nit-pick. I fully admit to starting arguments with my husband for next to no reason! My husband on the other hand is one of the most laid back, least argumentative people I know! (Ok, granted… I’m a bitch. I know this however, opposites attract or so I’m told!) Anyway my point is, during an argument, I will shout and he will not. I will rant on until I’m out of puff, whine and moan to my friends. Then, after a few fags and I’ve managed to calm down, we discuss things rationally, apologise (I try to, in my own selfish sulky way) and then move on. But why do I do it? Is it instilled in us to show our strength to those that we love most by creating unnecessary drama??? I admit to having OCD so the smallest thing will tip me over the edge! If I come home from work and there is a pile of washing up, the place is a mess and the kids are on the verge of being late for school I will see red and flip. Granted, this is a personal problem that I have and when others (not just my husband) do not conform to my ideals (tidiness, punctuality, saying you are going to do something and don’t, go against the agreed plan) I become a total mess but I know when this is going to happen and most of the time I can prepare myself by biting my lip (something I’m not good at but have to do a lot). I guess in relationships its knowing what wars you should take on and which ones are better fixed by taking a deep breath and counting to 10, letting the anger blow over and communicating with the partner on a level which helps both of you understand where the other is coming from.

Other ‘wars’ are started by splitting up and then this is where for most the real war comes in, have a look at your BB, Twitter, Facebook or any other social network that you may have that let’s you have a status!!! How many girls on your friends lists are at one moment happily in love with their boyfriend, partner, baby father or husband and their status reads something like “I Love my baby sooooo much” !!! Skip forward a few days or a week and the status of their relationship has changed to “Single” and the status now reads something to the effect of “Wasteman”, “Better off on my own” or “Thought I wouldn’t find out!”. It’s funny because this is one thing I don’t see guys doing they may slag us girls off to their friends or cuss us to our face through text in via BB message but really how many guys do you see really cussing chicks?? (Really think about it.) We can even go way back in history for years and see that a lot of the wars that have happened in history have been started by men. I think wars of the heart in relationships are usually started by women. (No I haven’t gone mad just stating the #facts). Fair is fair though, men do things to fuck up the most. Cheating they have down to a fine art, pissing us off they could get a degree in but when it comes to being diplomatic about breaks ups they are just better than us. Girls you would have to agree during a messy break up we are the ones with the tears, we are the ones kicking and screaming and ready to take him on (whether he deserves it or not it’s not a good look.) How many girls now are constantly cussing their wasteman baby fathers when the facts are:

1. He was always waste – you were just blinded by love or intrigued by lust
2. He is always going to be waste and never going to change

I think what we really should be doing, including everyone not just those with kids is:

1. Move on – karma’s a bitch and in the word’s of Beyonce “What goes around comes back around my baby”
2. Evolve yourself – don’t waste time cussing and letting everyone know you were taken for a fool you are better than that
3. Be strong – love isn’t easy. Many hearts have been bruised and battered in the game of love and although you may be able to die from a broken heart statistics on this are low (It’s rare that this is going to happen)
4. Remember not all guys are the same – so dispose of the baggage from your last relationship and move on to the new one with a fresh mind!

Girls have feelings that are totally different to men and both sexes express these feelings in different ways. Not all break ups end nicely and of course there are reasons why they end in the first place, but I think remaining dignified when you have lost in love is important so that you are able to mature and hopefully love again.

They say “All is fair in love and war” but this isn’t true wars are never equal and sometimes neither is love for some. Love is a battle that you can’t afford to lose!? Maybe we all need to be a little stronger when it comes to love and hold back when it comes to war’s listen toLove Strong and enjoy!

Single and Ready to Mingle!!!!

The weekend past, was by far, the best weekend in a long time! No, the title of this blog has nothing to do with me being single, but it does play a part of my weekend.
Friday, ironically, marked my five year anniversary and my husband had planned a surprise of dinner, drinks and comedy, and for the first time in a years,he bought me flowers -which deserves a mention! To be honest, I hate surprises and that’s due to me being so nosey and wanting to be the first to know everything!

Saturday, was my cousin’s club night ‘Kisstory’ at the Indigo 02. It’s a must for any old school garage fans with Kiss DJ’s and live acts from back in the day. (You can add the page from facebook to find out when the next one is – have to promote my cousin!) Indigo 02

Finally, I attended the One Love Peace Festival at Wembley Arena to mark 30 years since the passing of the legend Bob Marley and to highlight gun and knife crime in the capital.

Overall an excellent weekend although, at one point I did have to ask myself ,”Am I getting to old for this?” (We’ve all been there! Along with ‘I’m never drinking again!’) My answer was “NO!” A bit shameful maybe, but the saying goes, ‘You are only as old as you feel’ and although most days I feel like a pensioner, this particular weekend, I was young and alive!!! (I even got asked for ID in the shop.)

Right, I haven’t been single for ten years and being single was something that came up quite a bit this weekend. Now, although a lot of my friends are in relationships, equally a lot of my friends are single. This weekend, I started to wonder about the pressures of being single for both men and women over the age of twenty five?

Now, we all know that some women get to a certain age, panic that the old biological clock is ticking, “Must find a man, ANY man to make a baby!”) I even watched a documentary the other day about women going to sperm banks in America and finding donors which try to cut the man out altogether!

If your a guy who’s single and all your friends get partners or wives you become the friend who they are not allowed to roll with the one who is a “BAD INFLUENCE”! (Yes, this happens). I don’t know how I would feel if I was single at thirty-plus but if I were I would maybe just play the field. I have a joke with my best friend that if my marriage ends and I’m of an older age I would find a regular sleeping partner who I call old ‘Joe from Bingo’. As long as he filled my needs once or twice a month I would be happy- I guess *shrugs*. There is a general consensus between people that I know, that if your over 25, single and still raving like your 21 every weekend and most nights in the week, then you have issues that need to be addressed. Especially when the raving scene nowadays is full of young people from the ages of 16 -21(excluding going to pubs and bars). So, if I was single and not wanting to be in a relationship, what would I be looking for???
I went back to imaginary ‘Joe from Bingo’, someone who would be uncomplicated, gives me what I need – when and how I need it. I realised that over the last few years, I have seen my friends go through stressful relationships, playing the dating game and being hurt. I give a sigh of relief sometimes that I don’t have to do that but if I did have to go down that route again, I would at least know what I want!!!
I then thought about my single friends male and female alike they all seem to manage fine being single and although there are some low points at times (Who doesn’t have these!) they just roll with the punches! Over the last couple of weeks I have gone out to a few places and when I have looked around I have noticed a few things:

1. Most of the people that are going out now are under 25.
2.Most males who are going out regardless of their age are short under 5’4 (Where are all the tall guys at?!)
3. Girls are usually wasted at a certain time of the night disgracing themselves allowing no self-respecting man a chance

On Saturday, I tried to help a male anonymous friend out by trying to scope out perspective females that he may want to get involved with. The task was hard and left me feeling glad to be in a relationship and female. Girls are hard work, they either and perhaps I’m included in this somewhere:
. Think they’re too nice (When the majority are actually not)
. Are again too wasted to talk
. Have their bare feet out in the dance (Please…no… don’t do it have respect for others and bring flats)
. They are in a relationship

So pickings were slim although he did manage to find someone!
Today, I decided to do some research as I like to get my readers opinions there was an overwhelming response and at one point my friend said his BB was going to blow up! So the question was posed:  “What are the good and bad things about being single”

Good Points:
There is no one to answer to, you can do as you want and no one get’s hurt, you can sleep with who you want,
Independence, more free time and the ability to meet new people talking to who you want when you want
No need to lie, no jealousy, not having to take on someone else’s issues, no headaches, you can be selfish, you can give your energy to who you want to and not feel you have to always give it to a specific person and no getting into violent confrontations with your partner (Don’t know who this came from but they need to rethink who they are going out with!) and saving money

Bad Points
Lonlieness – No one to snuggle up to at night, go on dates with, no honeymoon period, butterflies or connection that is real with anyone, not loving anyone, never satisfied,
Frustration (We are not talking about the game here!)
Being the single one when your friends are all in relationships
Being a Hoe (Easy on how many people your sleeping with ladies and always be protected)
Lack of regular sex, sex is better when it is with someone you like
No-one to split your bills with, No one to cook for you.

As you can see there are a good mix of good and bad points. I think it depends on the person who is answering the question if it’s someone looking for love they may concentrate on the good points. Yet, if it’s someone who has been scorned they will concentrate on the bad points!

So I have come up with Five top tips for guys and girls to bag a mate! I’m not saying it’s definitely going to work but its worth a try:

1. Have a technique that you use to go on the pull (I’m leaving the way you do this up to you)
2. This ones for the girls: DON’T be scared to make the first move and guys if she knocks you back then dust yourself off and try again its her loss (Preferably not with her friend!
3. Don’t use chat up lines (someone asked me do I run like a cheetah when I had a leopard print dress on – yes makes no sense) if you see someone you like think about what your going to say -have an actual conversation!
4. It’s all about asking the right questions no point in taking someone’s number if they are not what you are looking for (No man with 6 baby mothers or woman with 3 baby fathers – too complicated stay away).
5. Sometimes you have to kiss plenty of frogs before your find MR or MRS Right. Don’t be quick to jump in the deep end too quickly or to early it will only end in disappointment!
I’ll leave you with this last line from a anon single female:

“Being single can be quite complicated at times!”